Sitting Here in Limbo

It is now 11/7/2020 early in the morning as I am writing this and I am waiting with racing heart, tired eyes, and fatigued body to hear the announcement that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are our next President and Vice President. NPR, CNN, and MSNBC have been my window into the world of real numbers and the probability that this will happen, sooner or later. Like many, I am enthralled with the super-human-seeming MSNBC numbers whiz Steve Kornacki as he stands at the Big Board and rattles off returns at the speed of sound. He could also be the newest spokesmodel for khakis.

I am impatient AND I know that patience and persistence will prevail. On Election Night, I stayed up with supportive friends on a Zoom call as we kept each other up on the rising digits in the win column for Joe and Kamala. I logged perhaps four hours of shut-eye that night. In those that followed, six or seven. My nervous system is on high alert as I obsessively check the latest reports. I saw a meme that likened it to anxious parents who check the baby monitor to assess the wellbeing of their child. In my mind, it really is that vital.

My perception is that a win for them will be a win for all. A time of ‘we’ and not just ‘me’. A big thumbs up for human rights, environmental sustainability, a way out of the pandemic that has taken 235,724 lives in this country and turned the economy into mush. A big in-your-face flipping the bird repudiation of hatred, bigotry, homophobia, science-denying, and climate change dismissing. A President who is a team player, not a one-man show. Joe evidenced that in the past few nights as he stepped on stage to help the country maintain calm and patience as the votes were tabulated. It was a way of honoring that each person’s voice counts. He assured the viewers that he would be a President for all Americans, not just those who voted for him. I believe him.

I have also noticed that my Facebook threads about the election have not been peppered with retorts from those in my circles who support the current administration. Perhaps they are not wanting to rock the boat. Perhaps they have come to accept the inevitability of a Biden-Harris White House that will be reclaimed as The People’s House. Would that #45 be in that reality? Instead, he rants and raves about being cheated out of re-election. No one owes him another term.

What comes to mind is the adage that the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when the victim attempts to leave. The country has been in that role, on either side of the divide. My take is that many of those who align with him are experiencing Stockholm Syndrome and trauma bonding. The former occurs when captives of any sort and people living in abusive environments may very well feel trapped, connect with the captor, and in many cases, identify with them and join them in their cause, no matter how harmful it may be. The latter is interwoven as it carries with it a sense of hope that things will improve even in the midst of the most unsettling events. The victim will become a peacemaker in order to establish equilibrium. It is short-lived many times because the perpetrator thrives on chaos and control.

I hope that those who surround him will prevent any havoc he may wreak. His outrageous cries of voter fraud are not those of a leader, but rather someone who puts his own needs and desires in front of the welfare of a country he pledged to serve when he took the Oath of Office.

I am certain that when Joe and Kamala take to the podium on January 20th, 2021, they will be the servant leaders they are called on to be. My fervent prayer is that the country can unite around the concept that we are all in this together and that what harms one, harms all and what helps one, causes a ripple effect that will help all.

In the meantime, I am sitting here in limbo. By the time this piece runs, I anticipate that I will be dancing with joy and relief and sleeping peacefully for the first time in four years.

*It is now 11:59 a.m. and my son was the first to tell me that we have a new President! I cried, cheered, shouted, and danced. I will sleep well tonight.

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