Find The Right Ones
A not so fun fact about me: I was bullied from about third to fifth grade by the boy I believed to be my best friend.
His tactics varied. From preventing me from making other friends, or excluding me from the friends he was trying to make, to belittling me for being a good student, I simply went along with it. I didn’t realize that it was toxic behavior because he was my friend.
I was dependent on him for friendship, and he used that to his advantage. Over the years, he gradually became more aggressive and mean, and I continued to allow it. At that age, I simply didn’t have the tools to stand up for myself, and I didn’t ask for help. I mistook the toxic behavior as his expression of friendship.
Back then, bullying wasn’t scrutinized the way it is now. It wasn’t as easily identified then as it is now. But I knew it was wrong, and with help from my parents and my fifth grade teacher and the principal, I broke free. By the sixth grade, we were in different classes and had very little contact.
What that era of life taught me was to never let that happen again. Though I had to endure some tough times at a young age, I triumphed by becoming a stronger person. I understood that I had to stand up for myself and find friends who would like me for me.
What followed was a long phase of being a loner. Sixth, seventh, and eighth grade, I had one or two close friends. One of them is the man who is still my best friend to this day, and I’m happy to say that Alex continues to show me what it means to be a good man and a good friend.
And that’s the beautiful thing about friends, once you find the right ones, you have to do what you can to cultivate the friendship. Some last for thirty years like Alex and I, and others last for a few years. Some last for a few seasons, and some last a few days.
But if there’s anything I’ve learned about how to make and keep friends as an adult is to always—simply—be myself. And that means explaining to those friends, in whichever deliberate manner feels right, how I want to be treated.
This part of friendship building is gradual too and it’s the opposite of bullying. It’s a day-by-day, minute-by-minute, season-by-season shared experience where both people demonstrate their love and understanding for each other in meaningful ways. It’s the part of friendship building that should feel calm and easy, and even fun. No one should ever feel like a victim.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: Unsplash