Is Tragic News Preventing Our Kids from Learning Compassion?

DiaryDad searches for compassion and love and finds it in abundance in his 8 year old son.

I had thought about writing another piece about guns and violence, in the wake of the tragedy in Oregon. There are so many tragedies in the world. Last week in on the Umpqua Community College campus we witnessed a horrific example of what hatred and anger can create. If we turn on the news tonight I fear we will see more of the same. We will see war-torn Syria, we will see more violence, we will see hate crimes, we will see racism, but what we will be hard pressed to find will be great examples of love and compassion.

“I know that bad news grabs our attention and I know that I am guilty of being sucked into it.”

Even listening to NPR in my car I find myself explaining more of the ways people find to do harm to each other. Then my kids start getting sucked into the stories, stories about the crisis in Syria, the terrible effects of racism, the mean-spirited politics as we gear up for elections, or even gun violence. I have to address it for them. I have to do so in a way that is both accurate and appropriate for their age. Then I have to guide them on, to a different topic, less heavy — so the weight of the world doesn’t dwell on their hearts.

I know that bad news grabs our attention and I know that I am guilty of being sucked into it. I get fired up by it. I get angry at it. Then I want more of it, so I can get more angry, more fired up. Then I can share it on Facebook and Twitter, tell everyone how angry and fired up I am. Then I can spend a few hours arguing my points in posts and on blogs, and what will come of it. I am just more angry in the end.

How are we going to give our kids hope for a brighter future when so much of this is out there. I clearly can’t ignore it, but I don’t want to feed it either. So maybe, instead of adding one more story of angry outrage or one more rehash of tragedy and horror I can put something good out in the world. Just maybe…

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I would like to share an inspiration of hope that was brought to me by my 10 year old, through a conversation we had two years ago when he had just turned 8, a year after we had moved to Illinois:

8 y0: Dad..?

Me: Yes.

8 yo: It is pretty rainy outside…

Me: yep…

8 yo: I know what I want to do with my birthday money…

Me: Oh yeah what’s that dude?

8 yo: I’m going to put it in the homeless people’s cup… they need it for food and stuff… and I think it must be tough to be out in the rain like this.

Me: Wow, that is very generous of you… Maybe Mom and I can find a charity that helps people who are homeless and you can donate some of your birthday money to them if you like.

8 yo: Why don’t I just give it to them, they have the cup and can use it right then?

Me: Well buddy, there is a saying that goes like this: “Give a man a fish and you’ll feed a man for a day, teach a man to fish and you’ll feed him for a lifetime.” If we give the money right to the homeless person they can probably get some food for that night… but the next night they’ll be in the same situation. If we help an organization that teaches and provides aid to homeless people than they might be able to get the skills and help they need not to be homeless any more.

8 yo: Well you and papa (my wife’s dad) taught me to fish. Maybe I’ll use my birthday money and buy a fishing pole. Then I could catch fish all the time to help feed homeless people.