James Michael Sama on how committing makes you better.
First things first: Before I get all of the hate mail from guys telling me that sometimes women avoid commitment too, let me say that there is a specific reason I am writing this article: I receive message after message after message (after message)…from women, who want to know why it seems like there are no men out there who want a commitment.
Perhaps there are an equal amount of men who are wondering the same thing about women, but from where I’m standing, the balance seems to be pretty skewed. It seems as though women are looking for commitment, and men are avoiding it.
As a man who has lived the single life, and has been in long term relationships, I can tell you from experience that there are many facets of your life that improve when you are with the right woman. In this article I want to lay out some points that will hopefully make you second guess your decision to run when you feel like you’re about to be…*gasp*…monogamous.
You will expand your horizons.
When two different people with two different histories and two different viewpoints come together in a relationship, you can’t help but be exposed to new ideas and experiences. You may not typically be interested in the arts, or a night at the theater, or a day of rock climbing or yoga — but you will likely be much more open to the new experience if the man or woman you loves wants to share their passion with you.
Her love will make you more confident.
There is something about knowing that the person you love loves you back — that puts an extra pep in your step. You’ll know you’ve found the right person when their mere presence in your life makes you want to become the best version of yourself that you can, and you will have the confidence to make it happen.
You always have someone to talk to.
We all need to vent every once in awhile, even if we don’t like to admit it. Sure, we can talk to friends or family, but opening up to the man or woman you love just feels different, especially when you know they will listen and support you unconditionally. Also, you know they will be honest and set you straight when you need it.
Events and traveling become more exciting.
Whether it be a company party or a trip to Europe, knowing you get to experience these things with the person you love will immediately enhance the experience in a way that going by yourself or with a platonic friend just…wouldn’t.
Someone loves you for you.
When we are single and dating, there is often times a pressure to always be our best self, especially when meeting someone new. Now, of course we always want to be learning, improving, and being our best when we are in a relationship also, but there is a flexibility and freedom to also just be you and know that someone will love and accept it just the same.
You are motivated to become better.
Sure, the previous point discusses loving someone for who they already are, but that does not give any of us an excuse to stop learning or growing as an individual. We should want to do this for ourselves regardless of our relationship status, but often times when the right woman enters a man’s life, his eyes are opened to things that they were not before. Perhaps he could be living healthier, being more productive, watching less TV. We all have different triggers which motivate us to change negative things in our lives, but if we stay single and are never held accountable, we are less likely to find that trigger.
I think one of the reasons many people want to stay single is that they want to have a variety of experiences in their life, especially at a younger age. This is understandable, many of us have been there, myself included. We’ve got to “get it out of our system,” so to speak. Some people, though, have no desire to do this at all.
Either way, we find there is very little fulfillment or satisfaction that comes from physical encounters with people there is no real connection with. Is it fun? Of course. Will it give you what you’re looking for? Probably not.
When you are with one person for an extended period of time, you’re able to enhance your experiences together through learning about each other, their likes, and dislikes. Plus, it helps to strengthen your emotional connection as well.
You learn more about yourself.
Relationships don’t only afford us the opportunity to learn about our partner, but they also give us the chance to see ourselves in a clearer light. We may realize things we want to improve about ourselves, uncover desires we never knew we had, or really challenge ourselves to grow in ways we wouldn’t have if we were on our own.
You will always have a cheerleader.
Sometimes it’s hard to stay positive and motivated through hard times or discouragements. It may be something personal, professional, or both. The great thing about being with the right person for you is that they will be your beacon of light during the darkness. They will support and encourage you along your path, while you do the same for them. They can help brighten your day in ways that you may not be able to do on your own.
Plus, the encouragement you receive from the man or woman you love will have a different feeling than support from a family member or a friend.
The real beauty of a relationship is when you are two separate individuals, but are united as one. You have someone who loves and accepts you as you are today, but also motivates and encourages you to continue improving and becoming your best.
You have a built in support system and teammate in life. We should stop thinking of significant others as a “ball and chain” that drags us down, and start thinking of them as a hot air balloon that brings us to new heights we wouldn’t have seen before.
There is no better feeling than being loved.
As simple of a reason as there can be — but also the most powerful. If you have ever looked into someone’s eyes and felt the entire universe staring back at you, if you have ever hugged someone and knew that you never wanted to let them go, if you have ever felt as though the rest of the world disappeared when she does something as simple as putting her hand on your knee, then you have no need for this list.
You have no need for this list, or any other — because you know what love feels like. It is a feeling that you fight for, that you take risks for, and that you hold on to. Hopefully, forever. And that, gentleman — is not something to run away from.
This article originally appeared on James M Sama
Photo credit: Andrea Rose/flickr