What it really takes to build a happy ever after.
It’s no secret that there is a growing list of what we must do in a relationship in order for it not to fall apart. As we get older we begin to realise that love alone cannot sustain our marriages and that relationships really are a lot harder than what Hollywood has made it out to be. However, it’s time to cut the chase and simplify what is actually NEEDED for your relationship to not only survive but to also thrive.
Here are three little C words that I believe are the core ingredients to helping relationships function properly and remain healthy and strong:
When we fall in love with someone, we usually fall for ‘the smaller picture’ meaning we have emotionally connected with what little we know about them in the last few weeks or months. The problem is the bigger picture isn’t revealed till later on in time, when we take off those rose coloured glasses, go through a few rough patches and really get to see the person in full detail. This then typically leads to a lot of division, questioning, unmet expectations and eventually the word “change” been thrown into the mix.
Compatibility in a relationship is one of the most underrated qualities there is, yet one of (if not the most) important one you need. Relationships simply will not work out if you are not matched equally with your partner. This goes beyond liking the same foods and sports but rather working out whether or not you are in align with each other on every integral level. Do you want to same things, do your values, opinions and morals line up? Do you both have the same mindset and level of commitment to the relationship?
Don’t kid yourself, while this may seem like I’m over exaggerating the list, you will find all these issues will come up at one point in time or another. A healthy relationship is about two individuals supporting and building each other up, not wanting to change one another. Guys if you don’t want a partner to complain about who you are, then marry one that understands, supports and matches your personality. We are the ones responsible for who we date, so make your life easier by dating someone who actually fits you.
Without effective communication in your relationship, it simply will not survive. While this may seem like a very melodramatic thing to say, we all know it’s true. The thing is guys, just because women are the ones who talk more it does not give you permission to sit back and not do your part. Good communication is when both partners make the equal effort to speak, listen, and initiate the conversations that need to happen. This goes beyond your daily chit chats and text exchanges. Active communication involves setting time aside to make talking with one another a priority. We live in a busy world and trying to discuss your partner’s feelings or your future together with a few Facebook messages or broken talks in between commercial breaks is just not going to cut it.
Problems in a relationship don’t just manifest out of nowhere, somewhere along the way there has been a breakdown in communicating with one another about what is really going on. While talking about your issues isn’t exactly a fun recreational pastime, it is essential if you want to keep your relationship strong, peaceful and progressing.
Let’s get one thing straight, committing to someone isn’t about muttering a few promises or changing your Facebook status to ‘in a relationship’. Commitment is an action—daily, it is a choice of both the mind and the heart. When you choose to commit to someone it signifies you are accountable for your words, movements, and behaviour in a relationship. Essentially it means you make a decision to live and act in such a way that is edifying and loving towards your partner, regardless of the uphill battles ahead. Commitment means not giving up when the going gets tough, and honoring the decision that you made whether you have concreted it with a piece of paper or not. This isn’t just about sticking by someone, but also pledging to be the person your partner and the relationship needs you to be, about putting aside selfish behavior and doing what is necessary to make your relationship strong and happy.
The principal thing to remember is that the quality of the relationship is entirely in our control. By putting simple daily actions into practice you initiate the positive growth your couple needs and effectively give yourself the ideal love life you want.