At first, everything about the connection feels perfect. They’re charming, independent, and always leave you wanting more. You’re convinced that they just want to take things slow, which can be refreshing.
But then a switch flips, and something changes. They start becoming distant. When it feels like the two of you are getting closer, they meet you with silence. And just the smallest conflict or disagreement can make it feel like they’re ghosting you.
If any of this sounds familiar, you might be involved with someone with an avoidant attachment style. Here are three signs you’re dating an avoidant.
1. Real Connection Scares Them
Avoidants actually enjoy forming a new connection with someone. They thrive when they’re flirting with someone new or pursuing someone they’ve just met. But once the connection deepens, they go distant.
The closer the two of you get, the more uncomfortable they become. They start “running” away from you and the relationship. And it’s not because they don’t care. It’s because real connection and vulnerability scare them.
If you notice that the person you’re seeing starts pulling away after meaningful conversations, discussing the future, or anything else that can make you feel close, it’s likely that they’re an avoidant.
2. They Give You Mixed Signals
One of the most confusing things about avoidants is that they’re rarely consistent.
One week, they’re affectionate. The next week, they barely text you.
They talk about future plans together. But then you don’t hear from them for days at a time.
Sometimes, they’re on top of their game, and other times, you wish they would be more consistent.
It can be an absolute mindf*ck. And oftentimes, it leaves you wondering if you did something wrong. But the push and pull comes from struggling between craving affection and closeness and fearing their lack of independence.
3. They Don’t Handle Emotional Conversations Well
When you bring up problems or concerns in the relationship, an avoidant is generally looking for an exit.
Sometimes, they’ll dismiss your concerns. Other times, they won’t even respond to you. They might change the subject or just shut down completely.
It will leave you wondering if you said the wrong thing or if they simply aren’t interested. But it all comes down to their fear of closeness and vulnerability.
The Bottom Line
The truth is, not everyone with avoidant behavior is an avoidant. Some of these characteristics are a part of someone who’s emotionally unavailable or narcissistic. But they can be signs that you’re dating an avoidant.
If your significant other is avoidant, that doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. It’s possible for someone with avoidant attachment to become securely attached. It requires a lot of self-awareness, growth, and usually therapy.
But keep in mind that you deserve a love that makes you feel secure and prioritized. There are situations where it might be time to move on if someone’s attachment style doesn’t fulfill your needs.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Amanda Sixsmith on Unsplash
