Jordan Gray says that planning new and unique dates can be fun. You just have to follow these simple guidelines.
We live in a very new and unique dating culture.
For the first time in human history, getting in and out of relationships is remarkably easy. Thanks to the combined factors of online dating, rapid-fire communication methods, and the fact that there are over seven billion people on this planet, it has never been easier to get your dating life started.
But with great power comes great responsibility. And men the world over are misusing this privilege.
People are putting less and less effort into planning amazing first dates. They know they can just find a new girlfriend if this one doesn’t work out… so why bother?
First dates don’t lead to second dates… long-term relationships are filled with resentment and lack spontaneity…
And this needs to change.
Here are my top ten tips for making your dates awesome.
1. Have A Plan
The #1 complaint that I get from my female clients is “my boyfriend doesn’t put in effort any more”. If you show up to a first date and you say to your date “So, I’m pretty easy going, what do you feel like doing tonight?” you instantly lose ten points. Show up with a plan, remain flexible with it, and show your willingness to put forth effort into your relationship.
2. Initiate touch right away
The main difference between someone you are dating and everyone else in your life is that you have the most physical intimacy with your partner. If you wait too long into the date to initiate casual touch on a first date it only gets more awkward when you suddenly bring it up. When you meet up, touch her as soon as possible. Give her a hug hello. Lightly touch the fabric of her shirt while you compliment it. Playfully nudge her while you walk together to the first part of your date. Just do something.
3. Make Her Feel Safe
Women live in a bit of a different world when it comes to their day-to-day feelings of safety. Most men can’t remember the last time they felt intimidated or worried for their safety. Women, comparatively, may have these thoughts and feelings on a weekly basis. If it is a first date, don’t crowd her when you first meet up. Give her some space so you can size each other up and let the attraction process take its natural course.
4. Encourage Depth In Your Conversation
A man who can handle himself in a conversation is attractive to women. As you get to know each other, make sure you don’t shy away from topics that others might not be able to handle. Women want a man who can handle himself in a conversation. If you lose your cool when she unexpectedly brings up sex, spirituality, your morals, or values, then you could easily get slotted into “boy-man” territory. Also, don’t just wait for these topics to be brought up, bring them up. Ask her questions like “so what would I know about you if I really knew you?”. Go deep in your conversation. She’ll be glad you did.
5. Share An Experience
If there was one major point to learn around what kind of dates to plan, it would be this… people bond over shared experiences. Play pool, go bowling, watch a live comedy show, or make a painting together. Planning your dates around activities also helps the conversation flow.
6. Make Her Feel Like A Woman
Don’t interview your date like you’re thinking of hiring her for a job. The person across from you is a woman and deserves to be treated as such. Engage her on her passions and interests. Leave the boring, hyper-logical conversation at the door.
7. Be Playful
Verbal teasing is so much fun when you know how to do it well. Make sure you poke fun at her (from a place of love) occasionally to keep her on her toes. Always make it about surface level things, not about her core personality or values. The fact that she played badminton for a few years when she was younger? Fair game. Has she memorized every single episode of Sex And The City? Go for it. She has a dream of becoming a lawyer when she’s older? Don’t go there. If you attack one of her core values or passions, even playfully, it will come across as mean spirited. Keep it light.
8. Allow Room For “Negative Space”
A lot of guys feel like if the conversation isn’t flowing smoothly all the way through a date, then they have failed. This is simply not true.
Negative space is a term used in visual art and in music to describe the space between two things. In relation to dating, I use this term to describe the silences that will inevitably happen. Attraction occurs in the space between two people. It’s very difficult for sexual tension to build if you are rambling on and on about your comic book collection. Stop talking. Listen more. Allow the silence to exist.
9. Handling Payment
I go really in depth in to this topic in my book on how to execute stellar dates, but suffice it to say it’s quite a simple topic. The only thing you need to know is that you can’t let the bill cause any awkwardness. If you planned/initiated the date, you should be prepared to cover the costs. If she insists on splitting it with you, then by all means.
10. Have Fun
Above all else, have FUN on your dates! Socializing, dating, and getting to know people is meant to bring joy to your life. Let go of your agenda for the date and just be present.