Question: Coach Allana, how do you handle an emotional person who wants to whine about everything? My husband and I are going through a tough time, not each other, just life in general. I’m handing everything yet he’s constantly bitching! While I understand this is his way to express, I am frustrated because I’m handling everything! What does he have to complain about? He gets up, he goes to work, he comes home. I am dealing with all the chaos and keeping our lives from falling apart. Please please help me put down the frying pan before I smack him with it!
Answer: I truly appreciate your valid frustration and humor! I think your humor will go along way in resolving this conflict. You don’t have that super bitter edge of criticism and distain… At least yet! 🙂
I love that you’re willing to take responsibility that it’s not all each other‘s fault, but life in general is challenging right now. I also like that you can see that he’s doing his best to process his emotions and yet it’s WAY not working for you for him to complain and whine and blame when you seem to be handling the majority of challenging tasks.
One of the first things, that’s also one of the hardest things… Is to notice that you are in resistance not allowance of his whining. And when I say allowance, I don’t mean you like it or agree with it or condone his whining. I just mean you stop resisting it. How do you do that? One of the easiest ways to look at where you whine and complain and blame! You? No! 😉
Oh my goodness this has been one of the hardest areas for me to take responsibility for when I’m super duper triggered! Generally, when someone’s behavior is pissing me off… It’s something that I HAVE DONE according to someone else’s point of view. You see, everybody’s point of view is right. Everybody’s view of reality is right. Everybody is acting according with their values which are to them, are right.
So even though I don’t consider myself a conniving lying bitch… It’s possible that my ex-husband who I gave my word to that we would be together until death do us part… Would consider me a conniving lying bitch that I divorced him. Get it?
So big breath as this is potentially challenging to look at when you have the frying pan in your hands… where do you whine my love?
When you begin to own that, and use your wonderful humor to help you on that, the trigger or sting or emotional charge of his behavior will begin to dissolve. Then you’ll just noticed him whining, not be triggered that he’s whining, make sense?
Then when you communicate with him, you’re actually come from true presence, intuition, grounded awareness… then you can actually act in a way that’s for the highest good of all.
You will have a totally new perspective when you’re not resisting that somebody’s doing something. You have access to so much more creativity and intelligence and conscious strategy to uplift the situation.
You may even discover that he KNOWS you’re doing everything and feels BAD that you’re doing everything and is EMBARRASSED that he’s doing nothing so to cover it all up… he whines.
You never know… xox
Let me know what unfolds through this process… And remember that you attracted your partner as a gift to your spiritual evolution… They’re supposed to piss you off! And your job is to lean in and find your shadow and do your growth 🙂
I FANTASTIC way for you BOTH to learn to let go of resistance and come into more peaceful intimate communion to handle life’s challenges would be to watch my complimentary 4 Part Video Series during Soul Shaking Conscious Relationship Week. It’s perfect timing as it starts soon! Register at no charge here: www.AllanaPratt.com/soul-shaking
it’s my pleasure to support you on that journey not only for your current level of peace and sanity, but for the strengthening of your marriage and future capacity to deal with all of life‘s challenges with more grace and ease 🙂
And if you see the value of handling this now privately before any frying pan injuries 😉 it would be an honor to see you in my inbox having applied for a complementary session at www.allanapratt.com/connect.
I honor you for reaching out, and I look forward to connecting 🙂
All my love and blessings, Allana
p.s. Gentlemen…End the Fear of Rejection.
Enjoy your “How To Be A Noble Badass” Complementary Training at www.GetHerToSayYes.com
Ladies…Be irresistible. Feel sacred. Attract him now.
Enjoy your “Vulnerability is the New Sexy” Complementary Training at www.AllanaPratt.com