James Michael Sama on one of the most important aspects of a relationship — the ability to make yourself vulnerable, and in turn, accept your partner’s vulnerability.
Trust, without question, is one of the most important bricks when building the foundation of a strong relationship. Without trust, you cannot have real love. I have emphasized the importance of trust in a relationship in previous articles, but I have just recently [about 20 minutes ago] started to ponder the importance of trust before a relationship.
My most recent article speaks of how a man should pick up a woman for a date. This is what I have always done with any woman I have ever spent time with. To me it is normal behavior worthy of no praise or even a second thought. It’s just the way things are.
However, two different women left a comment on that article almost immediately which reflects some opinions I recall hearing in the past but never experienced first hand: They would not feel comfortable having a man pick them up, and would rather meet him out.
While this may sound perfectly normal to some, it is completely outside of my reality and raises a few questions in my mind. I completely understand that the world is a dangerous place and that many people cannot be trusted. Giving out your address to a complete stranger is likely a bit off-putting and many may avoid it.
But the prominent question in my mind is — Does this indicate that men are not properly building trust with a woman they hope to form an intimate connection with? If a woman cannot trust you to simply pick her up and/or drop her off for the evening, how can you expect for her to open up to you over dinner, or suddenly realize that you are a trustworthy man? It simply does not happen that fast.
The fact that it does not happen that fast is even more of a reason to work on building trust beforehand. If she is completely guarded during your entire date, the odds are slim that chemistry will be felt from either end, leading to a potentially beautiful thing being extinguished before it was even ignited.
In my experience there has always been more than a fair amount of talking before a date is established and certainly before it actually happens. This means there may be a week, two weeks, or maybe even more if both people are busy — of speaking and connecting before they actually see each other. For this reason, it makes me wonder what apprehension can still be left that would prevent a woman from being comfortable enough to get picked up by a man.
My having never experienced this type of distrust does is not meant to send the message that I am some sort of infallible dater — far from it. But it does spark an interesting discussion about the reasons why women feel this way towards men.
Obviously, no man can never fully comprehend the feeling of insecurity that a woman may experience, likely because of other men she could not trust in the past. So for that reason I ask you to leave your thoughts in the comments below:
Women — have you ever insisted you meet a man somewhere rather than being picked up? If so, was there a specific reason why you did not trust him?
Men — have you ever offered to pick a woman up or drop her off and had her offer meeting somewhere as an alternative? If so, do you feel as though you did your best to cultivate trust beforehand, or did you just ask her out and leave it at that?
This article originally appeared on James Michael Sama’s Blog.
Photo credit: Michael Knapek/flickr