Is Dating Today Really “Impossible”?

Transcript provided by YouTube. Slightly edited with AI.

Why Is Dating So Difficult Today?

Why does dating today feel nearly impossible for so many people? Much has been said about the challenges of modern dating. I am likely among those who acknowledge that it can be tough, but I choose not to live in the belief that it’s impossible. Instead, I seek to understand why it is so difficult for many and what we can do to change our experiences.

If you’re new to this channel, I’m Matthew Hussey, the author of the New York Times bestselling book *Love Life*. For the past 17 years, I’ve dedicated my life to helping people find the love they want, while also boosting their confidence and self-love. Don’t forget to like this video, subscribe to the channel, and hit the notification bell to stay updated on future content.

The Wrong Way to Date

Today’s discussion is vital because I believe many of us are approaching dating all wrong. Culturally, it seems there’s a race to the bottom regarding effort. The competition feels overwhelming; everyone is at an online buffet, trying to appear cool and in control.

Too often, we avoid vulnerability, fearing that if we show our interest too quickly, we’ll lose out. There’s a widespread belief that if we seem too available or lacking in a busy life, we’ll become less appealing. This leads to a game of aloofness, as if the ultimate prize in love goes to the most distant participant. However, by being aloof, we diminish our value rather than enhance it.

The Aloof Approach

On some level, we all crave something rare—an attractive, intelligent partner. We mistakenly think that to attract someone rare, we need to be rare ourselves. Many people attempt to achieve rarity by being distant and unavailable. This approach can yield disappointing results.

When we adopt this aloof demeanor and wait for the other person to initiate, we risk becoming invisible and blending into the crowd of others playing the same superficial game. Anyone can send a single message or take hours to respond. If we base our significance on such games, we merely join an oversized pool of people following the same misguided plan.

The Authentic (Awesome) Approach

In contrast, being awesome—expressing oneself authentically, showing a sense of humor, and being playful—creates genuine value for others. The drawback of this approach, however, is the potential for it to be mistaken for extreme availability.

Sharing great energy can lead some individuals to overlook their efforts, believing they can take advantage of your kindness. This generosity can be perceived as weakness, but those who take this for granted will soon realize that our positivity and energy are a precious resource we can choose to withhold.

When we find ourselves being taken for granted, we can redirect our wonderful energy, transforming into a powerful individual. The realization that they may lose someone as awesome as you can shift the dynamic entirely.

The Principle of Reciprocity

Let’s ground this principle of energy exchange in real-life dating. The concept of reciprocity suggests that if we give first, we’re more likely to receive. Many people struggle with dating because they wait for someone else to evoke their playfulness or vulnerability.

This mindset often feels safer but leads to a cycle of dependency. By constantly waiting for someone else to lead, we become passive participants in our love lives.

What’s Missing in Dating Today

What’s missing in dating today is the element of leadership—personal leadership for both men and women. Individuals should walk into a room or a conversation focused on how they want to express themselves, rather than watching others to gauge their responses.

This leadership allows you to influence the energy of the room, the date, or a texting exchange. Consider your friendships; often, we feel more affectionate or light-hearted around those who encourage that side of us. Being assertive in expressing our energy invites similar energies in return.

All in the Context of Standards

Always consider your standards. Decide to bring a specific energy to your interactions and recognize when people aren’t meeting you there. If they can’t reciprocate, move on instead of falling into the follower mindset.

When we engage with someone dull, we should reflect on whether we’re contributing to an uninspired energy exchange.

Injecting Some Life Into Texting

For example, instead of responding blandly to a text asking how you are, think of the most interesting thing that happened this week. This shift can create a more engaging conversation.

If someone texts you, “How are you?” respond with something memorable, such as, “I’m in a coffee shop trying to work, but your message is the best distraction!” This response injects energy into the conversation, prompting the other person to step up.

Little Moments That Move Things Forward

Sending a follow-up message after a date can create warmth and excitement. A simple, “Had so much fun with you last night! Still smiling,” can signify your interest and show vulnerability. The response you receive will reveal their level of interest.

If you receive a lackluster response, this serves as a signal that they may not value your energy. However, sharing your positive feelings communicates clearly that you’re attracted to them.

What’s Your Question?

All of these insights draw from my experiences, and I encourage you to engage with your dating life differently. If you have questions about what to say or do, check out my resource, Matthew AI, at askmh.com. It’s gaining popularity for providing valuable insights.

Finally, remember that dating does not have to be impossible. By stepping out of follower mode and into leadership, you can redefine your dating journey.

Thank you for watching, and I look forward to seeing you soon. Be well and love life!

—

This post was previously published on YouTube.

Blog → https://www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/ Facebook → https://facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/thematthewh… Twitter → https://twitter.com/matthewhussey ▼ Connect with Stephen ▼ Youtube → https://bit.ly/StephenHusseyYoutube Instagram → http://bit.ly/StephenHusseyIG

***

Does dating ever feel challenging, awkward or frustrating?

Turn Your Dating Life into a WOW! with our new classes and live coaching.

Click here for more info or to buy with special launch pricing!

***

On Substack? Follow us there for more great dating and relationships content.

Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.

All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.

A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.