It was 2016, and I’d been accepted into the Honors College at the University of Nevada-Las Vegas. In theory, I should’ve been happy, but I wasn’t. Happiness doesn’t understand depression. It doesn’t understand autism. It doesn’t understand conversion disorder.
I walked to and from class several times a day, every day. And with every step, every hour that passed…I was deteriorating. The walking was physically painful, managing my time felt impossible, and I cried. A lot. Tears became the only language I knew how to speak.
One day, while I was walking to class, a beautiful woman walking past me asked me if I was okay.
I said I was. I wasn’t. I think she knew the truth, but she didn’t push it.
“Okay. Well…have a good day!” She smiled.
It was absurdly simple. The kind of interaction I didn’t think I’d remember. But I’ve thought about that tiny exchange for well over four years since it happened.
I felt invisible at the time. I was drowning in stress and sorrow that very few people could understand. If I complained, I was being ungrateful. If I asked for help, I was being weak. This isn’t the kind of game you win — just the kind where you survive, or you don’t.
I was having stress-induced seizures several times a day. Every day.
But she saw me. And she didn’t stop there.
We passed each other every day, and every day she made some effort to smile at me or say hi. Literally just, “Hi!”
I’m crying as I write this, knowing she probably doesn’t even remember me. But she did more for me than she will ever know.
When you haven’t been invisible, you might underestimate the value of being seen. It’s a precious thing. Someone who sees your pain, says “I see you” without saying a word, and lets you know you’re not alone.
When you see the broken girl with her glassy eyes fixed to the sidewalk as she carries the weight of the world in her backpack… just say hello.
Maybe she’ll say hi back.
Maybe you’ll make her believe in kindness again.
Maybe you’ll save her life.
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This post was previously published on Medium.com.
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Photo credit: Adam Solomon on Unsplash