Finding a partner is hard. Keeping the love alive can be even harder.
Sometimes you feel like you aren’t in sync with your partner. Or you are unsure if a potential partner is a keeper.
Take the quiz to find out what is your attachment style.
It’s a pathway to a healthy loving long-term relationship.
Why is knowing your attachment style useful
You need to know what your attachment style is to assist with developing your existing relationship or to use ensure you enter into a relationship with an appropriate partner.
This is important at all stages of your relationship, such as:
- Dating
- Early stages
- Long term
- Going through a breakup
- Grieving a lost partner
You can navigate through these relationship phases and live a full life when attachment theory is understood and applied correctly.
What is attachment theory?
In attachment theory you perceive and respond in intimate connection to your romantic partner through 3 ways of relating, they are:
- Secure
- Anxious
- Avoidant
How you relate to your romantic partner is similar to how you related to your parents as a baby.
If your parents were sensitive, available, and attentive, more than likely you would have a secure attachment style. If they were inconsistently responding to your needs, you would develop an anxious attachment style. If they were cold, inflexible, and unresponsive, you would develop an avoidant attachment style.
What are the 3 attachment styles
The 3 attachment styles are as follows:
Secure. You feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. An example is you find it easy to connect with other people and have people depend on you. You don’t get worried about your partner or someone close to you leaving.
Anxious. You crave intimacy, are often preoccupied with your relationship, and tend to worry about your partner’s ability to love you back. For example, you think others are reluctant to get close to you. You can have thoughts that your partner doesn’t love you or doesn’t want to stay with you. There is an experience of wanting to get close to your partner and you think this scares them away.
Avoidant. You equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. You feel uncomfortable being close to other people. You find it hard to trust and depend on other people. You are nervous when getting close to people. Your partner wants to get close to you but it makes you feel uncomfortable.
Important to note that attachment styles differ in:
- Their view of intimacy and togetherness.
- The way they deal with conflict.
- Their attitude toward sex.
- Their ability to communicate their wishes and needs.
- Their expectations from their partner and the relationship.
4. Take the quiz
Take the following quiz to find your attachment style and breathe new life into your relationship!
Tick the box that relates to you most. Tick only one box. Add all the ticks up and the column with the most tickets indicates your attachment style.
A represents the anxious attachment style
B represents the secure attachment style.
C represents the avoidant attachment style.
Your path to a loving solid relationship is through understanding your own relationship style. Over time by working with your partner you can move towards a secure attachment style.
Final thoughts
Attachment concepts will show you that you are only as needy in a relationship to the degree to which your needs are not being met. Once your needs are met you are better positioned to turn your energy towards eternal pursuits.
Don’t leave your dating life to chance. When are looking for a potential partner understanding their attachment style can determine whether you will match with them.
Talk to your partner regarding your attachment style to deepen your relationship.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Fernanda Nuso on Unsplash