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If you’ve been caught in the current of the #metoo and #timesup movement, you’re not alone. Many men are finding themselves neatly wrapped, boxed, and labeled into classifications they would never have imagined. Labels on these boxes may say Misogynist, Sexist, or even something much worse like Predator, a general category lumping those who harass and assault all into one neat title.
When you’ve always considered yourself to be a good man, one who respects and appreciates women, you might be reeling by the categorization. You might be feeling hurt, offended, or even angry right now. And those feelings are completely valid.
No one likes to be labeled, and we especially don’t appreciate labels that are far from flattering. While many people choose to eschew labels, I’d like to offer an opposing viewpoint: labels can actually be extremely helpful. I don’t mean that entirely from a societal viewpoint; I’m talking in terms of personal growth.
Avoiding labels can be a way of refusing to take a closer look at who we are and the ideas we espouse. Not putting a label on ourselves can help us neatly avoid a categorization that, perhaps, we should be inspecting closely to see if there’s truth in it.
For example, many of us have stopped using the label alt-right when the more accurate term is Nazi or Nazi sympathizer. Instead of using a label that seems created by some public relations firm to give the impression of a political orientation rather than a broader social one, we call a thing what it is so that we can address it appropriately.
I think this works the same in our own lives. If someone calls us a racist, for example, we may react with outrage. But if we use that label as an opportunity to examine our own words and behaviors, we may find that there’s some truth to it. What did we do to be labeled that way? Why does saying or doing that particular thing make us racist? Or misogynist?
Sometimes when we choose not to label ourselves, we allow ourselves, instead, to make excuses for the way we believe. Perhaps we use our religious orientation or personal experiences to justify a particular belief system. However, if that belief system makes us misogynist or even a predator, we would be well-served by dismantling those belief systems and choosing to live a different way, making new choices.
In the wake of this movement, I’ve found myself explaining misogyny to a number of different male friends and acquaintances. Many of them have been so deeply entrenched in rape culture, that they don’t even realize they’ve been participating in it. They find nothing offensive about believing that women, whatever their employment status, should be responsible for the majority of housework and childcare. They find nothing particularly wrong about classifying a woman as a slut for the way she dresses, the number of sexual partners she’s had, or even whether or not she chooses to engage in consensual sexting with a partner. These belief systems are an integral part of misogyny. But that can be difficult to see when we’ve been surrounded by a culture that has reinforced these beliefs throughout our lives.
We can choose to look at the experience of being labeled as an opportunity for personal growth. What if there’s a tiny glimmer of truth in what we’re hearing, however uncomfortable it is for us to face? This is a golden opportunity to educate ourselves about the movement and figure out how we can be a part of creating positive change.
Perhaps some of our old systems of beliefs need to be thrown out to make way for new ones. I know that at one point in time I was a white feminist. But I hated the label white feminist. I found it offensive. But I couldn’t understand why issues like race and sexual orientation were mucking up what I saw as a women-only movement. It wasn’t until I began to read about the label and the perspectives of women of color, transgender individuals, and the LGBTQ+ community that I began to understand why I was a white feminist.
I used that experience as an opportunity to broaden my mindset to be both inclusive and intersectional. Just like being labeled a misogynist is a perfect example of an opportunity to investigate the way one might be living—and learn how to become a better ally to this exciting third wave of feminism.
Perhaps you are, in fact, a misogynist. You don’t have to stay in that neatly labeled box. In fact, consider the label an invitation to come out of it. Move past those feelings of discomfort, offense, and anger, and try to see this as an opportunity to learn something new.
No one likes to be called a name or to be shoved into a box. But we don’t have to choose to stay there.
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Photo credit: Getty Images
Yea. A person should accept the social abuse from the bandwagon pelting them with labels that are lazy attributions and often incorrect. But as long the majority is “right”. A thousand flies can’t be wrong, right?!