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I’ve been in love a few times in my life, have loved many and have lusted after even more. At the moment, I am a solo act; a party of one. I was widowed 20 years ago after Michael—my husband of nearly 12 years—died following a lengthy illness. I was a devoted physical caregiver for the last six years of his life and an emotional caregiver for the entire marriage. At least, that’s how I see it. Not sure what he would have said.
In the interceding years, I have dated, mated and related. I know that love is never wasted. And yet… the dating process is not my favorite. As it is for many, the internet has been a placed where I have put out feelers to see who a good fit would be; as a friend had suggested many years ago, like trying on shoes. Singer-songwriter Denise Moser penned a song called Boy Store that reflects my thoughts. What feels the most awkward about it is that there is trepidation about actually meeting the man behind the profile, wondering if either of us will feel enough of a connection to want a second date and then there is questioning who pays, since I am an independent woman who also happens to want to be courted and wooed. Can I have it both ways?
A treasure that came from one of the more prominent dating sites entered my life 10 years ago and we remain friends long after we moved on from the romantic aspect of our relationship. We each still feel the love if not the life partner connection.
A live-and-learn lesson came in the form of a catfishing experience that I wrote about for The Good Men Project last year. It lasted all of two weeks and had me honing my Spidey Sense. It seemed too good to be true in some respects, and a red flag waving menace simultaneously. I laugh about it now.
Over the years, I have used the standard techniques, such as making a list of the qualities I wanted in a relationship and partner. I have revised it multiple times as my needs have evolved and my desires deepened. I have done Feng Shui, have cleaned out drawer and closet space. I have worked with a relationship coach. I have improved my health. I have visualized this person in my life. I have written about it, dreamed about it, taken a long look at my relationship patterns and beliefs. I have let the people in my life know that I am ready. I have become the kind of person with whom I would want to be in relationship.
The most challenging part of attracting anything is planting the seeds and then surrendering. I am in let go mode. There are times when I totally love being single and others when I am longing for partnership. I treat myself the way I want a partner to treat me.
I puzzle at the dynamics involved since I am quite aware that unhealthy, unhappy, unprepared, not conscious of what it takes to engage in a relationship people have loving partners. I know that folks of all ages, shapes, sizes, conditions, in various life circumstances, financial means, and responsibility level, have loving partners.
It seems to come down to what I think of as divine timing or co-created by divine design. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to it. When Michael and I met back in 1987, neither of us was looking. He had just ended a relationship and I was in one. It was as if Spirit placed the Welcome Mat in front of us, since I had planned to be on a trip to Russia, that I canceled when I heard an inner prompting to do so, that had specific instructions about where I was to be instead. I followed the guidance and heard Ram Dass speak in Philadelphia on the day before I would have returned from the trip had I gone. During the intermission, a mutual friend introduced me to the man who became my husband. I have a strong suspicion that this was Beshert; Hebrew for ‘meant to be.’
Two other stories come to mind. One is about Michelle and Tom and the other, Karyn and Claude. I had the joy of officiating at the weddings of each of these couples who are also my friends.
Karyn had been living in Maryland at the time and was at a party at the home of friends. She answered the door, and in walks “The Frenchman” as he has come to be known. I imagine they swept each other off their collective feet since they are both charmers. He is a dashing businessman from France and she is a singer-songwriter diva. They had a Central Park ceremony six years ago that was memorable for so many reasons, as you will read.
Tom and Michelle are both animal lovers. She volunteers at an animal rescue program near Portland, Oregon and Tom has a unique talent; he carves pumpkins and watermelons and donates them to charities. One happened to be the program where Michelle offers TLC to four-legged furry beings. It was love at first sight for Tom; a ‘some enchanted evening’ moment when he saw her across a crowded room at a fundraiser. It took the matchmaking intervention from a mutual friend to have them get to know each other intentionally. Both are ‘crazy cat ladies’ and between them, they now have eight. Sadly, two of them died recently. Their wedding took place a little more than a year ago in the backyard of friends whose property bordered on a beautiful body of water.
So, the questions remain, “When will this person and I show up in each other’s lives?” The only answer I have is that it will happen not a moment sooner or later than it does and that he will arrive from wherever he is at the moment.
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Photo credit: Pixabay