For all the losers, dropouts, pot-stirrers and discontents—thank you for keeping your faith in the face of the bosses, counselors and teachers who don’t.
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I could not believe it had been 20 years since my senior year of high school. We were touring the old brick buildings, reminiscing about things that happened, decades ago. It was great experience to share with my wife. I was having a good time and, for a while, I was glad I came.
Because, I almost didn’t.
Shortly after my non-graduation I lived in the back seat of a car, slept in trash trailer, had a substance abuse problem and all of the issues that come with those setbacks, such as a criminal record, bad attitude and horrible reputation.
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I almost didn’t because I never actually graduated. I made it most of the way through my senior year but left before I could finish (which is another story all together). I had plenty of reservations about showing up to a high school reunion, when I wasn’t actually a member of the graduating class.
But my beautiful wife showered me with wisdom.
She convinced me that the previous decade or so leading up to graduation, that I had spent with that class qualified me to show up to this celebration. Besides, in the 20 years that had passed I had done some pretty cool things, like move to Hawaii, write a few books, learn to make a great living and have an amazing family. Her pride in me was gut-wrenching. She deserved better and I knew it. I followed her wisdom, took her advice and went.
She was right. I was no longer defined by the rough edges that I had worn off over the last twenty years. I hadn’t been worried about going so much because I didn’t graduate, but because of who I was when I didn’t graduate. Shortly after my non-graduation I lived in the back seat of a car, slept in trash trailer, had a substance abuse problem and all of the issues that come with those setbacks, such as a criminal record, bad attitude and horrible reputation.
But over the previous twenty years I had come a long, long way. Plus I’m from a small town, news travels fast, and I was sure that most people were getting the updates on my life. We all seemed to have our own newsletter in the little town whenever we screwed up, I was sure that the newsletter would reflect our success as well.
It’s easy to see the superstar who wins. It’s easy to notice the huge company making waves, or the invention that is changing the industry. What is hard to see is potential.
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So as my beautiful wife and I strolled, hand in hand across the old gym, the smell of the wooden floor mixed with the memories of decades old games, dances and fights. So many of the things that had shaped my life were flooding into my mind when my old guidance counselor appeared out of nowhere. He looked at me, then at my gorgeous wife and asked,
“Did you have to hire a hooker to come hold your hand this weekend?”
With the speed that was uncharacteristic for an old man who hadn’t accomplished much with his life, he spun around and left, as fast as he had given up on me decades before.
Apparently he wasn’t getting the newsletter!
It was plain to see that he had no faith in me on that day, even after my turnaround. But what struck me was how he must have had no faith in who I could become, when he was getting paid to do believe in me, and I understand why.
We are trained to look at results. The before and after pictures of the next fad diets, the income reports we see popping up all over websites and the giant, dusty trophies that stood in the antique cases at my old high school reflect what we appreciate as a society. We want results. But there are some of us who see something different.
Some of us look for potential, which is very hard to see. It’s easy to see the superstar who wins. It’s easy to notice the huge company making waves, or the invention that is changing the industry. What is hard to see is potential. Seeing results is hindsight, seeing potential is foresight, which is so rare.
Potential looks like all of the other candidates. Potential has an average website. Potential makes huge mistakes, can be uninspiring and sometimes, wakes up in a pile of garbage. But, to those of you who can see it, and to those of you who don’t give up on it, we thank you.
All of us losers, dropouts, pot-stirrers and discontents thank you for keeping your faith in the face of the bosses, counselors and teachers who don’t. Alan Kay is quoted in Fortune saying, “I had the fortune or misfortune to learn how to read fluently starting at the age of three. So I had read maybe 150 books by the time I hit 1st grade. And I already knew the teachers were lying to me.”
My old anger bubbled up at the “man” who had just called my wife a hooker.
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To those of you with nothing yet but potential, know this; some of the teachers or leaders or authority are lying to you. Don’t waste your time with them. They won’t believe in you, even after you win.
But, there are a few out there who, in twenty years will meet you across a room and say, “I knew you could do it.”
If you don’t want to wait twenty years, some of us believe in you now.
My old anger bubbled up at the “man” who had just called my wife a hooker. It wasn’t hard to imagine re-kindling some of the violence that had happened in that gym and focusing it on the “man” who had never done anything to stop it. I looked at my beautiful wife, wondering if she were crying. I hoped she wasn’t embarrassed. I knew she deserved better.
Slowly I turned my head, her face was frozen, open mouthed, as she pivoted her head towards me. When our eyes met she smiled, then she laughed! I realized I was standing next to one of the first people in my life who had believed in me, and I wasn’t about to do anything to prove her wrong!
Don’t select your influencers because of a title they may, or may not have. Choose them according to the person they are, and their faith in you.
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Photo: Getty Images
I think far too many people have to experience this treatment from people who are supposed to have their best interest in mind. You are a better man than I, all I could think about was punching out that guy and it wasn’t even my wife!
Your outlook on life and your experiences is what sets you apart.