One Horrible Person Can Ruin Things for Many, Many Others

This is a story about human duplicity, narcissism, and greed. It’s a real-life horror story.

It’s about the chaos and suffering inflicted by horrible human beings. The names have been changed (for legal reasons) to protect both the innocent and the guilty.

Recently my partner Susan reminded me about a difficult — yet typical — experience she had working in the corporate/financial world. Her story highlights the awful effects one very messed-up person can have on his or her surroundings.

In the late 90s, Susan worked at a financial services company that dealt with corporate and private debt. It was a glorified, ‘nicer’ version of a collection agency that researched and tried to resolve peoples’ and companies’ debt problems. Usually, it brokered deals where creditors ended up with just pennies on the dollar. We’ll call this company ‘XYZ.’

Susan was the Human Resources and Compliance person and go-to ‘problem solver’ at XYZ. She excelled at her job, dealt with her coworkers fairly and compassionately, and helped guide and build up the company. XYZ was thriving.

“This guy is trouble”

Then, one day a new hire walked in the door — and Susan immediately felt wary and thought, “This guy is trouble.” She often has a potent ‘sixth sense’ about people and sensed something ‘off’ about this new hire. We’ll call him Tom.

It turned out Tom was a bully and a misogynist. He held a position of some power at XYZ, and interacted regularly with employees and customers.

Soon, Susan started hearing complaints and concerns about Tom’s attitude and communication style. As a fair and compassionate HR person (they’re few and far between), folks came to her when they were upset or frustrated — and she kept hearing more and more about the awful things Tom was saying and doing to people.

But Tom had the backing and confidence of top management. He had an impressive way about him and had apparently ‘snowed’ the CEO and other managers (that’s an easy task for any true narcissist). They thought he was ‘hot stuff’ and was great for the company.

Tom was one of those people who cultivates and seeks to impress those ‘above’ him — but demeans and insults those ‘below’ him. Especially women. Soon, Susan had employees coming to her in tears who were at their wits’ end dealing with Tom.

She decided to take action.

Mounting concern and frustration

Susan asked to speak with the CEO about an urgent personnel matter. When they met, she described Tom’s bad behavior and how it negatively impacted people’s self-esteem and performance. She thought it was a slam dunk issue and that top brass would see the problem and do something about it. Wrong!

The CEO blew off her concerns, reiterated management’s support for Tom, and implied that Susan was exaggerating the issue(s). She herself knew there was a serious problem, but couldn’t get the CEO to share her concerns. She thought, “Oh boy, now we’re in for it.” And she was right.

In the following months, Tom’s snarky and demeaning behavior escalated. More and more employees were coming to her to complain about Tom and his overbearing, nasty way of ‘communicating.’ Susan had attempted, several times, to rein Tom in and politely asked him to treat his coworkers and customers more respectfully — but she was not his direct boss and couldn’t ‘make’ him comply.

Finally, Susan got so frustrated that she fired off a blunt email to Tom and CC’d the CEO. In the email, she confronted Tom about his behavior and his total lack of remorse and compassion. She told him she was ‘onto him,’ was watching him, and would not let him keep tormenting his fellow employees and undermining the company.

She called him out as a ‘manipulative weasel’ and said if he kept up his bad behavior, she’d do everything in her power to get him canned.

She didn’t mince words.

More red flags and missed signals

This email got the CEO’s attention, of course (as intended). He wasn’t happy.

He called Susan into his office, berated her for going over his head and confronting Tom so mercilessly, and again asserted that Tom was a ‘great asset’ to the company.

However, Susan doesn’t kowtow or back down to anyone, so she respectfully disagreed and told the CEO he wasn’t privy to most of the daily interactions in the company and was missing the bigger picture. She insisted that Tom was a self-centered, dangerous manipulator who was bad for employee morale, bad for XYZ — and was not amenable to changing his attitudes or behavior.

She knew all along he was big trouble — yet no one else in management shared her perception or concerns. The CEO decided this was just an ‘interpersonal problem’ between Susan and Tom, called Tom into his office — and instead of confronting Tom about his bad behavior and insulting communication style, ordered them to go to lunch together and ‘work it out’!

The CEO punted, the red flags were ignored, and Tom was coddled and emboldened. The lunch conversation was predictably stilted and uncomfortable; Susan expressed her ongoing concerns (again), and Tom said he’d ‘try’ to treat people better and be more empathetic.

As far as the CEO was concerned, the lunch meeting was a ‘success.’

Things go from bad to worse

But… it wasn’t. Tom’s attitude and behavior did not improve, except with Susan’s immediate co-workers. Morale continued to plummet and soon began to affect the company’s bottom line. Productivity and revenues were down, customers were increasingly unhappy, and the firm began losing contracts.

This steep decline finally got management to sit up and take notice, and they finally realized that Tom was a huge drag on the company — and was not the great ‘mover and shaker’ they’d imagined (and hired) him to be.

So, they finally decided to fire Tom — but it was too little too late, and the damage was done. On his way out the door, Tom met with Susan one last time and to her amazement, told her she was “the only one here who was ever honest and direct with me” — and thanked her for her caring and honesty!

Then he told her, in no uncertain terms, that he would sue the company for breach of contract and do his best to bring it down. And shortly after leaving, he did exactly that. (Susan had warned the CEO that Tom was a danger in this regard, but that warning was also ignored.)

Tom took the company to court, won a judgment against the company worth hundreds of thousands of dollars… and basically forced the company into bankruptcy.

Partially due to Tom’s lousy work ethic and his negative effect on other employees and the company’s bottom line, XYZ was already on the ropes financially. Tom’s successful lawsuit was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Some people sow chaos and misery wherever they go.

What is the moral of this story? Sadly, certain human beings are both destructive and intractable and sow chaos and misery wherever they go and whatever they do. In a corporate setting, it’s the job of HR and top managers to sniff these people out and get rid of them before they do a lot of harm.

However, the psychological ‘smarts’ and awareness needed to detect these deceitful, manipulative types are not always common or easy to develop. Such people develop fantastic ‘bullshitting skills’ and can easily pull the wool over most peoples’ eyes.

They present a ‘together,’ accomplished facade that is an effective tool of deception and often helps them ‘get away with murder.’ They are supremely self-confident and can easily impress or even mesmerize their bosses and colleagues.

Such people pose extreme danger to those around them yet are very difficult to fully ‘get’ and deal with. They have an easy answer for every accusation, deny all personal responsibility, and can quickly pivot and deflect communication efforts.

They are expert deceivers and manipulators, are impossible to control, and are hard to get rid of. That’s why they can have an ongoing horrible effect on many, many others.

For extreme narcissists, their operative ‘truth’ is the exact opposite of Mr. Spock’s famed ‘Star Trek’ dictum. Instead of “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few,” it’s always “My needs and desires outweigh the needs of everyone and everything else.”

That’s why these self-centered, antisocial jerks are so destructive in any community or corporate setting.

From a corporate to the national setting

Now, if we extend this ‘lesson’ to a national setting, we see situations arising that are eerily similar to the ongoing ‘Trump problem’ in the U.S.

Trump is a tremendous narcissist and expert manipulator, and in truth, should never have gotten anywhere near the presidency. He lies with abandon, creates his own ‘alternate reality,’ and constantly goads people into racism, misogyny, hate, and violence.

Yet he was elected president in 2016 and may soon be our president again if he wins. How the hell could this happen — not just once, but potentially twice? How could our ‘leaders,’ politicians, and citizens have been so blind?

Well, the story of Susan’s company and Tom — the ultimate nemesis who brought XYZ down — is quite instructive here. The parallels are uncanny.

Susan was very aware of the dangers — just as a few commentators and politicians were with Trump — but was alone in her concerns, just as they were. Susan’s words of warning were ignored or minimized just as frantic, fearful national words of warning were.

Then, when there were no serious consequences for his bad behavior, Tom was emboldened and got even worse — just as Trump has over the past nine years. The CEO and other managers glossed over or made excuses for Tom’s misogyny, bullying, and poor people skills — just as right-wing media and today’s GOP gloss over or excuse Trump’s misogyny, racism, vengefulness, and constant lies.

When one horrible person ruins things for MILLIONS

The difference between these two cases, however, is huge. In the case of Tom and Susan, only their small company was affected — which in turn affected a few dozen people.

In the case of Trump, though, our entire nation — indeed, the entire world — has been (and continues to be) deeply affected. Trump’s intense greed, pathological lying, and dictatorial ambitions should have disqualified him from ever running for president — or at least led to him being booted from the race early on — but instead, he’s as popular as ever and is running for president yet again.

And no one has been able to slow his momentum.

It’s a sad, even horrific, commentary on the state of our society and our citizens. As the November election approaches, not just the U.S. but the entire world is holding its breath, wondering whether the U.S. will really be stupid enough to re-elect a dangerous, violence-inciting megalomaniac like Donald Trump.

Our nation (the aware half, anyway) and the world are rightly terrified at the prospectof another Trump term, as our nation and world teeter on the brink of utter chaos — which would be greatly exacerbated by four more years of Trumpian non-diplomacy, idiocy, irresponsibility, and climate change denialism.

The entire world is waiting to see if Trump will succeed in bringing the U.S. to its knees — or if the U.S. succeeds in beating back ‘Trumpism’ and finally brings Trump to justice.

Are mounting chaos and carnage now inevitable?

The truth is, ‘Trump-world’ is an ongoing social and political disaster. The mounting chaos and carnage of ‘Trump world’ should have been a preventable tragedy. But then again… maybe not.

Maybe not.

The story of Tom, Susan, and XYZ shows us how difficult it is to correctly identify and control certain dangerous human beings — and when that difficulty plays out on the national and world stage, millions and millions of people can be heavily and horribly affected.

Think Trump, Putin, Netanyahu, Kim Jong Un, Xi Jinping… the list keeps growing, as do the horrors.

Without sufficient awareness and firm resolve to corral such people and bring them to justice, the problems, lies, manipulations, and chaos just keep mounting… and mounting… and metastasizing.

It’s really true: ONE damaged, horrible person can ruin things for many, many others. In the case of Trump, one very damaged, horrible person — when enabled by tens of thousands of avid supporters — can ruin things for many millions or even billions of people.