Question: Hello Coach Allana, I realize you likely gets dozens of relationship questions and just wanted to pose a situation to see if you had any feedback to share. I am struggling with how conflict is dealt with in my current situation. We have had a 2 year rocky relationship for numerous reasons (mostly because my ex fiancée has wanted me back) and I have shut him down every single time; however, I am now dealing with a boyfriend who is passive aggressive and very sarcastic and dismisses my feelings because he says I take things way out of context and am too sensitive.
My internal conflict is this: do I allow him to be him and accept his character of who he naturally is and fight through our different ways of communicating or do I walk away because he doesn’t agree with me and I can’t deal with his aggressive and dismissive behaviour?
Answer: I can imagine from your point of you and your boyfriend’s point of view that it would be Rocky if your relationship gets interrupted by your ex wanting you back. And not just an expert an ex fiancé, somebody who really had your heart who you were willing to be committed to, yes?
I’m wondering if it’s passive aggressive behavior was who he always was, the sarcasm and dismissing your feelings… Or if that began when your ex fiancé started to come into the situation.
However if he was like this all along, I’m wondering what attracted you to him in the first place, love.
I wouldn’t walk away from a relationship just because somebody doesn’t agree with you, that’s pretty normal and a healthy relationship knows how to agree to disagree. However the dismissing behaviors or aggression, that wouldn’t make you feel safe or honored and that you’re not setting yourself up for a healthy relationship at all.
I would have a heart to heart with yourself about your ex fiancé and your boyfriend and really get clear about what are the main qualities you require in a partner, and if it’s either of them. Then I would get really clear about your boyfriend’s behavior if it’s always been like that or just when your ex fiancé showed back up. Then I would talk to your boyfriend and really take responsibility of how awful it must feel to him that your ex fiancé comes around, but if the tables were turned and his ex fiancé was coming around it just might make you be passive aggressive or sarcastic, yes?
I think the two of you both deserve an honest kind open vulnerable conversation about what’s going on under these feelings so that you stop hurting each other and can either bless and release each other and consciously uncoupled, or can heal this and put into place what’s required for a solid foundation for the two of you to move forward in a healthy way.
I believe this video is going to be published on the very last day available to sign up for my seven week course, hearts played wide open… Which is a shame is both of you would truly benefit from being in this program and it’s a very reasonable investment for the huge return you get on your capacity to have a soul shaking conscious relationship. Nonetheless if there’s time, please go to www.AllanaPratt.com/heart-open.
If you miss that program, I invite you still to go to www.AllanaPratt.com and sign up for my complementary training for women called Vulnerable is the New Sexy…
And have your boyfriend go to www.gethertosayyes.com for them to download my training for men called How to be a Noble Badass. These programs will support all of you and seeing what is in the way of having healthy communication and hot intimate connection in your relationship.