I’m what you’d call a “good guy”. I have a steady job, come from a “good family”, and want the best for people around me. I don’t have a bad boy appeal or some tough guy persona. Yet, I get what I want in almost every area of life. My secret is straightforward.
The magic of trust
I go out with good-looking women and close deals with premium clients. The main reason for this is people trust me. Women feel comfortable around me, and clients trust I have their best interests in mind. My Good Guy vibe helps me come off as someone reliable. Kind. Someone who wouldn’t screw you over. A trustworthy friend.
And that’s persuasive.
Some of the most successful men I know are “nice”. They know kindness isn’t a weakness but a strength. They aren’t worried about coming off as weak or feminine. There’s something altruistic about them (read all of the life lessons I learned in my free ebook)
People react to this sort of attitude and put their guard down.
The win-win thinker
To get what you want, focus on what other people want. Make THEM feel important. This mindset creates a dynamic of reciprocity. You can’t think about your self-interest alone and be successful with women. You can’t put your interests above your client’s and expect to close.
You take some, you give some.
In a relationship, both sides want to feel appreciated. Special. Be the first who makes the other feel that way. In business, both parties want a good deal. Be the one who comes up with an irresistible offer.
You win by helping others get what they want and win first.
See the good in people
Part of my job includes telling colleagues their work needs improvement. It’s a subtle art of lifting others, not hurting them, and still getting your point across. This task becomes easier when you genuinely want the best for people.
You need to be sincerely interested in bringing the good out of others.
There’s a copywriter I work with. She’s doing ok, but most of her copy misses the mark. When I first gave her feedback, she got bitter. I stayed patient. Gave her more feedback and complimented her on minor improvements. I knew she had good intentions and wanted her to be better.
With time she put down her defenses and wrote better copy. I could have never helped her without believing in her.
Nice doesn’t mean a loser
Niceness got a bad rap. “The nice guy” had become somewhat of a fall guy. Society says you can’t be nice to people since you get nothing out of it. You finish last. Nice became synonymous with weak.
With that mindset, you say, “I’ll close my heart so people won’t hurt me. I won’t help others so I won’t get hurt”. Get that bullshit out of your head, please. You can be nice and kind and still win big in life.
Set the damn boundaries
Sometimes, you have to let people know where they stand. I’m a smiley, quiet guy. Now and then, someone will try to test me. A client. A colleague. Maybe even family.
I calmly let them know it ain’t gonna work. You won’t be able to influence others if you don’t respect yourself. When you don’t set boundaries, you subconsciously let others disrespect you, and it affects how you see yourself.
Conclusion: Kill ’em with kindness
Keep others’ interests in mind without agendas, and you’ll win. Remember the first rule of making others feel important: Seek to understand first before you seek to be understood.
Get my free ebook, “Life Lessons From Getting Rejected by Hundreds Of Women”
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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