Work on you, you’ll be a better fit for your next partner
Men, do you feel the pressure of the upcoming holiday of love and affection? It is often another day when we may internalize emotions about significant others. How do we fully express how we feel? The stage is set to deliver a grand performance to reflect it all, from our heart, yet relationships can be scary. Not every man is cut from a romantic cloth. So they opt-out of Valentine’s Day.
However, not having a Valentine isn’t the end of the world.
Being single isn’t the worst thing you can be, on Valentine’s Day, or otherwise. In fact, most of us need to be single at some point to recognize and appreciate a healthy relationship.
The impending stress of Valentine’s Day can cause you to gravitate to someone for the wrong reasons. The stigma for men is: if you can’t get a date on the easiest day of the year to get a date, something is wrong with you. Despite what your circle of friends and society may tell you, you know that is not true.
One thing we have to be clear about is this: A relationship isn’t meant to make you whole. Gather details out of life that make you happy and give you peace. Here are some tips to avoid the faux sadness that might occur this weekend:
Get a life.
No, seriously. The essence of being single is not being tied down. Your time is your own. You’re not responsible for anyone’s stuff, and that’s liberating. Beat feelings of loneliness and self-pity this Valentine’s Day by simply living your life. Explore sports leagues in your area. Travel. Volunteer. Find social groups where you can meet new people. Research classes on Groupon or LivingSocial. Do things you’ve always wanted to do.
I love to travel. In January, I decided I wanted a ski vacation for Valentine’s Day weekend. I’d love a to have a female companion for the weekend, but, I stopped using not being in a relationship as an excuse for not living my life. Being single should motivate you. Use your free time to build a life someone else would be excited to partner in.
Deal with your sh*t.
A lot of us ignore emotional baggage. We carry it around and use it to sabotage even the slightest hint of bonding with another. If I had dealt with the baggage I’m dealing with now, I would have been in a better position to marry the love of my life. But, I didn’t, so I’m single.
Here’s the thing about being single on Valentine’s Day — we waste so much time focused on the loneliness, that we neglect our own well-being. The next relationship I have, I would like to last forever. I understand how important it is to express affection, not just through words but through actions. Emotional intimacy isn’t just relegated to holidays.
It’s tough to fix yourself while in a relationship. Most of the time, you’ll hurt the other person, even if that’s not your intent. I’m not saying to have everything figured out. Perfect people and perfect moments don’t exist. Valentine’s Day certainly won’t make the wrong person prove that they can be right. It’s not magic; it’s just a day. Relationships based on the fear of loneliness are sure to have early expiration dates.
Stop obsessing over what you can’t see.
One of the things single men notice as they get older is couples who are in love. You become the odd man in your group. The time leading up to Valentine’s Day may make you cling to the notion of a relationship and the companionship therein. There’s so much more to healthy relationships.
Social media may also contribute to this phenomenon. On February 14th, we are inundated with photos of flower bouquets, candle-lit dinners, and even marriage proposals. When it comes to romance, men want to be lauded for their efforts. We do it for the approval of our significant others. We want the cute pictures, the passionate sex, and the Sunday morning brunch. There is nothing wrong with that. However, pressure to spend time with someone you’re unsure of is unfair to them, and you. It also means you’re missing the opportunity to meet the right person.
There’s the idea that Valentine’s Day has to be centered around romantic love. But it can be a day to focus on self-love. Don’t get caught up in the fleeting hype of a single day when you can become invested in being a more emotionally mature man for your equal.
Also by James Woodruff:
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