The #1 Reason Most Men Fail to Attract Women (and How To Get Over It)

I failed to attract women into my life for years. No matter what I tried, it didn’t work.

Yes, my mindset was off. The “techniques” I used were bullshit. Still, you’d expect to have SOME success after trying hard for four-five years.

I had some success here and there, but it was nothing to show for it.

I knew all the right things to say. All the right theories.
Yet I was still struggling.

I banged my head against the wall so hard the wall broke.

You are your own worst enemy.

This is your self-doubt speaking. I’m with you 24/7. Wherever you go, I’ll be there. I’ll whisper in your ear whenever you try to do something meaningful.

I am YOU. You are ME. It’s meant to be. See that beautiful girl over there? Go and talk to her. I dare you. I’ll fuck it up in two seconds. Trust me. I’m good at this.

I think many young men have that conversation inside their heads whenever they try to achieve something.

This little voice is with us no matter what. When you try to approach women, talk to them, get their number, date them, after the date, whenever.

You’re in your head. And this conversation you’re having with yourself acts as a downward spiral.

It starts with thoughts and ends up producing strong emotions.
You become so self-conscious you barely feel comfortable standing and talking.

Shit gets even worse when you start analyzing. I kept analyzing every move I made, which screwed me over for years. I couldn’t go with the flow. Self-esteem issues got the better of me.

I kept thinking, “What if she says this or does that??”. Or “Damn, I shouldn’t have said that”.

Then I got even more anxious. More stressful. I had times I bubbled inside and felt sweaty because of this vicious loop of thoughts.

It’s true, especially with intelligent guys who’re used to thinking about things often. While they’re busy pondering and doubting themselves, Then comes a guy who doesn’t overthink and makes all the right moves.

All of us are “in our heads” from time to time.” For men, it’s deadly.

Kiss and hug your demons

I couldn’t “get rid” of all this anxiety.

Guys who read my ebook (you can read it here for free) tend to email me and ask, “How do I get rid of this feeling???”

You can’t just push it aside. If anything, you’ll only make it worse. Whatever you resist persists.

Whatever I tried, I still felt like crap.

Then, my mom stepped into my room one day and offered I’ll go to therapy. As with anything, I told her I didn’t need it and “I could solve it myself”.

Lol. I was fooling myself. Then I realized there was nothing for me to lose anyway.

So why not. I’ve already hit rock bottom.

I decided to go to therapy, and since then, my life was never been the same. I dealt with my issues on a whole new level. And dropped all the self-help bullshit.

I’m not saying all men should see a psychologist.

But I think you can’t step out of anxiety, no matter what you do, you need to find a way to express yourself in a healthy manner.

You may not need this sort of help. Maybe dealing with it by yourself is enough. You can undoubtedly grow by yourself- no doubt about it. Use your judgement.

Chill, you’re not at work

Some men tend to be extremely logical in their day-to-day lives, and it hurts them with women.

They use their brains to produce great work throughout the week. Whether they are developers who write code, filmmakers, marketers, engineers, etc.

Then when the weekend comes, they can’t shut it off. Their mind keeps on rumbling. It works overtime.

Sometimes I went out and I was tired. Then I realized approaching women was easier because I couldn’t process all the info around me into the usual chain of thoughts like I always do. I lacked the energy.

I had to learn how to calm down and relax. I leveraged the tension I had at work and transformed it into a different kind of energy.

Into a positive vibe. I started treating a night out not as a time to hit on a girl, but as time off to relax.

I told myself, “Just go and enjoy yourself”. I went out with my friends and had fun laughing and drinking cold beer.

It felt sooo good to unpack all this tension that built up at work. I didn’t have to think about clients or producing results.

Once my energy shifted, everything around me also did.

How to feel calmer doing anything

You have to step into your fears. This is how breakthroughs happen.

No matter how you look at it, you’ve got to approach that girl at the bar. Or deal with this client at work. Or make that sales call. There’s no other way. Otherwise, you’re doomed to run away from your issues your whole life.

You have to gather the courage, say “Fuck it” and do the things you fear. Once you do, this is when you start evolving.

The first time will be rough. But the second will be slightly better. Then on the third attempt, you feel a little bit more positive.

Keep doing it long enough, and it’s only a matter of time before you turn into a different person.

The quality of anything we do is directly proportional to how we feel while doing it. So the better you feel about anything, the better the outcome.

Men grow through challenges.

Conclusion

Attracting women is a skill. It means you’re responsible for any outcomes or lack thereof. Sitting at home swiping on Tinder won’t cut. If you ask me.
You’ll have to deal with your issues head-on to forge into a confident man.
The more you deal with what’s bothering you, the more your self-esteem increases and the more relaxed you’ll become.

Get my free ebook, “Life Lessons From Getting Rejected By Hundreds Of Women”

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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