It seems like once a month, I encounter an argument about whether couples should show their partners on social media or if they shouldn’t.
There are those people who share a picture of their partner but put a sticker over their face.
Some people won’t change their relationship status, refuse to post pictures and you might not even know they are in a relationship until a holiday comes around or the person’s birthday prompts a post from the mystery spouse or partner.
When I have questioned this on social media, some people say, we keep others out of our business.
I can understand not wanting to let people into every detail of your relationship, but I think there is a difference between being private versus having a secret relationship.
Ever since Beyoncé and Jay-Z hid their relationship until they were married for years, people have attempted to conduct their relationships with that level of secrecy. They seem to forget the part of how that worked out for them. See Jay-Z’s 4:44 and Beyoncé’s Lemonade.
The problem with no one knowing you are in a relationship is no one knowing you are in a relationship. You appear single and free to be approached by single people.
As a single woman, I have had men slide in to my DM’s and attempt to try to get to know me only for me to find out they are in a relationship. One man pursued me for a couple weeks before he was tagged in a baby announcement with the ultrasound picture saying he and his girlfriend were getting ready to have a bundle of joy. There was no evidence on his page that he was in a relationship.
Private means your relationship status reflects your actual relationship status. People are aware that you are in a relationship. But, they don’t know a lot of details about your relationship other than that you are in a relationship.
Secret means your relationship status says single. You don’t post about your relationship or your partner. You don’t have any pictures of them or in any way look like there is someone special in your life. You don’t even talk as if you have a partner. You may not conduct yourself as if you are in a relationship either.
There can be many reasons, but all that matters is how each partner feels about it. If both partners agree to not post each other or reference their relationship at all then that is their choice. But, if one partner doesn’t agree, it can cause problems in your relationship and affect the long-term success of the relationship. It can create resentment.
The nature of social media is sharing what you care about and what is important to you. If you refuse to acknowledge the person you are in a relationship with, it can feel like you don’t want others to know that you are taken. It can create insecurity if you met them on social media. If you met someone on a dating app and got into a relationship with them, but you kept your account open then how do they know you’re not still looking for someone else. For some people, keeping their relationship secret is so they can keep their options open or they don’t want other potential relationships to know they are off-the-market. Because they aren’t off-the-market.
If your partner is complaining about not being anywhere on your social media, it might be because they feel as if the relationship isn’t closed or that you could abandon them if you meet someone else. Being that you romanced them online, they know how you act when you are interested in someone.
It could also signal an uncertainty about the longevity of the relationship. Maybe you don’t want the person on your social media because you don’t want people to ask questions when they are gone. Or, maybe there is an ex-lover that you don’t want to get the idea that you are serious.
For some people, hiding the face of the lover is a way to avoid being embarrassed. It shows you have someone, but also protects you from people coming into your inbox to tell you something negative about that person.
There are a myriad of reasons that one can use to justify their partner’s lack of presence in the digital world. Some people recognize this or respond to their partner’s distress by occasionally posting their partner or sharing words of affirmation so others are aware they have someone important in their life.
Once again, it’s an individual choice. If it is agreed upon by both partners, there is nothing wrong with it. But, if one partner is concerned or upset by it, the happiness in the relationship will suffer slowly as there is no reassurance. A happy medium should be found where the relationship stays private, but doesn’t make one partner invisible.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: Shutterstock
