The Narcissist Brought the New Supply to Her Funeral

Her name was Kimmy.

Hers is a story I never thought I’d tell because I don’t usually make a habit of writing stories about what explicitly happened to someone I’ve known.

But Kimmy’s story has to be told because Kimmy she would still be alive today if we’d paid closer attention to her — and him.

I have to give my friend a voice from beyond the urn because what happened at her funeral was fucking wrong. She died alone, and silently, and someone needs to speak up about why.

I need to talk about why Kimmy is dead because it highlights the one crime many narcissists will never be prosecuted for — because they get you to do it for them so that they can keep their hands clean.

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I’ve Introduced You to Kimmy Before

She showed up (briefly) in the following story:

An old flame introduced me to a TikTok mocking suicide (specifically, by hanging). That’s where Kimmy’s story was briefly introduced.

Kimmy hung herself at nineteen years old.

He knew the story I’m about to tell you. Therefore, he knew how sensitive the topic of suicide was because he knew about Kimmy.

Kimmy and I went to high school together.

She was someone who was so kind that even if you only interacted with her one time, you’d remember her for a lifetime. She was just that kind of person. And this is what made the motive behind her suicide so unfair.

Because the person she gave the most potent version of that love to was the one person who was truly responsible for Kimmy’s suicide,

Her boyfriend.

They dated from high school to her death, at nineteen years old in 2012. He was a known abuser who chipped away at Kimmy, piece by piece.

spiritually
emotionally
verbally
mentally
(and some believe, sexually)

Kimmy was deteriorating, little by little, but what really pushed her to the end of her rope was the fact that he would not stop cheating on her.

Kimmy was aware of his cheating and over time it wore her down but it was when she found out about one particular woman, who was older than both of them, that she just… broke.

Most of Kimmy’s circle knew what she was going through but it was her best friend who could have possibly prevented Kimmy from dying that day,

But chose not to.

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Kimmy’s Last Phone Call

Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

After hitching a ride with former classmates, I arrived at Kimmy’s wake early. Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On played on a loop as a slideshow of Kimmy played on an overhead screen.

When I took my seat, next to a mutual friend, and noticed an Indian girl sitting at the very front, laughing and joking, with two other girls while Kimmy lay just a few footsteps away. My friend noticed this too.

I was shocked when she told me this girl was Kimmy’s best friend. She was literally the only one who didn’t appear to be mourning at the funeral of a girl she’d known for years, who died under pretty horrible circumstances.

As the wake progressed, Kimmy’s boyfriend showed up late and her best friend’s whole demeanor suddenly changed. Now, she looked very… guilty.

(It’s important to note that she and Kimmy’s boyfriend were also very close.)

When I pointed this out to my friend, I received the most tragic piece of the puzzle. Kimmy called her directly before hanging herself. And she left behind one final voicemail.

According to the story —

Kimmy called this girl hysterically crying. Her best friend rolled her eyes and purposely blew Kimmy off because she didn’t want to be bothered so she ignored Kimmy’s phone call.

Now, here we were at Kimmy’s wake with her hysterically crying and screaming that all of this was her fault. And I don’t disagree because one phone call might’ve made the difference between life and death.

What really made this whole ordeal so tragic was that even though this best friend had failed Kimmy, it was her real best friend that would have shown up for her, if only she had known,

Kimmy’s mother.

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The Traumatizing Moment at Kimmy’s Casket

Kimmy was Hindu but she never dressed according to her culture or religion. But today she was… and we all knew why.

Kimmy hung herself.

The rope marks were so deeply embedded into her neck they had to put her in traditional garb with a flipped-up collar, to hide it but the marks were so damn deep they were still visible.

I remember seeing this when I went up to view her body, I kept staring at it to make myself believe I was actually standing in front of the body of a dead nineteen-year-old.

Out of nowhere, I heard —

Baby, you wanna talk to your uncle? It’s your uncle talk to him, baby.

It was Kimmy’s mother.

We were complete strangers but she had asked me earlier if I was okay. She lost her daughter and was asking if I was okay… her spirit was just as beautiful as her daughter’s. All I could do was hug her.

And now, here we were crossing paths again as she walked up to Kimmy’s casket with her phone in her hand. Kimmy’s uncle was on the phone. He was back in their home country and couldn’t make it to her funeral in time.

He called during the funeral and Kimmy’s mom was trying to give Kimmy the phone to talk to him. She leaned in, and gently put the phone to Kimmy’s ear, softly shaking her shoulder to wake her up to talk to him.

(Although she was standing right next to me, she didn’t see me. She was in a daze and you could see it.)

I’d never encountered or witnessed grief like that before. It was so heavy but I understood because Kimmy wasn’t just her daughter,

Kimmy was her best friend.

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This Is How Kimmy Died

Kimmy and her mother were actually known for how close their relationship was. In fact, this is what made the details of Kimmy’s suicide so unbearable to hear. Let me explain.

Apparently, Kimmy’s mother went to do their laundry, as she normally did. Each time she left to do their laundry, Kimmy would always be waiting in the window to greet her mom, as she walked back towards their house.

She did this like clockwork.

But, as Kimmy’s mother headed back to the house that day, Kimmy wasn’t in the window. I was told her mother got a very bad feeling about this. Unfortunately, when she got back to their house…

Kimmy was hanging from the ceiling.

She was the one that found her.

Kimmy’s mother only had two children (one son, and one daughter). Her son was older and no longer lived in the family home so it was only her and Kimmy. Now, she had lost her baby girl. Last I heard, she moved out of that house — immediately.

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Kimmy Was Devalued at Her Own Funeral

Image by iStockPhoto.com

The priest conducting Kimmy’s funeral service made it a point to tell us all that Kimmy had committed a grave sin by killing herself and will likely go to hell — if she wasn’t already on her way there.

(Yes. He actually said this.)

He looked disgusted with her and his voice genuinely dripped with venom, against a dead nineteen-year-old girl, as he explained how there had to be a special ceremony conducted.

In her culture, suicide is a serious sin and in order to prevent the person who committed it from going to hell, this particular ceremony had to be carried out — by men. And in Kimmy’s ceremony,

Her boyfriend was included.

This was rough to watch for two reasons —

A man of the cloth condemned Kimmy to hell
Kimmy’s death was blamed solely on her when the man who was instrumental in her taking her own life was not only sitting in that same room but taking part in the ceremony to “save her from hell”.

This was cruel because not only did he show up late to her wake and her funeral, this time he wasn’t alone.

…

The Narcissist Walked in Holding Another Girl’s Hand

(She was rumored to be another “friend” of Kimmy’s.)

He had yellow roses in his left hand (her family had given them to all of us to give to Kimmy, so no he did not buy them), and this girl’s hand in his right hand.

Together, they walked up to Kimmy’s casket and laid their flowers down. They then embraced each other for a long time, directly in front of Kimmy’s dead body. Now, she sat in the front row at her friend’s funeral,

While her dead friend’s boyfriend (who is now her new man) participated in a ritual to save her from going to hell for killing herself because of how badly he kept abusing her.

This was the most brutal unmasking I have ever seen. He was devaluing Kimmy, even in death; parading the new supply in front of her (and all of us) despite the fact that she wasn’t really here, to know it.

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Kimmy’s Body Was Abused at the End of The Funeral

Kimmy’s casket was to be wheeled off because she was being cremated. A number of guests were also going to head over with the family to see that process.

As two men got ready to physically turn the casket around, Kimmy’s mother jumped up screaming and cursing at her daughter.

She began begging and asking Kimmy to tell her why she did this. At some point, her mother started cursing her daughter,

Screaming —

“DAMN YOU, KIMMY!”

and

“DAMN YOU TO HELL”.

At this point, she tried to snatch Kimmy out of the casket.

(and she almost did.)

She was going through the five stages of grief in seconds, in front of all of us. The whole thing was so disturbing and so understandable that many of us broke down. Some people actually had to leave.

Meanwhile, Kimmy’s boyfriend had no reaction at all (no tears, no remorse, no guilt). In fact, he looked bored, as if he was at her funeral out of obligation. And he never let go of that bitch’s hand.

This is how little he valued her that he was bold enough to basically discard her after she was already dead by walking in with the new supply.

Minimizing the severity of her death by publicly broadcasting her replacement and proving that Kimmy was truly nothing more than an expendable source of supply.

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Kimmy Died Tragically — But Not In Vain

Photo by iStockPhoto.com

We all knew about her abuse and as much as people talked about her abuse, nobody spoke up about it. Despite nearly everyone in that room knowing who was responsible, no one pointed their fingers at him.

There were many bystanders.

Because of our silence, everyone that was supposed to love Kimmy failed her. Even though he pushed her to the end of her rope, everyone silently stood by and let it happen. This is how Kimmy quietly slipped right through the cracks in our lives —

With our permission.

Something had to change, this couldn’t happen again. So I decided that when the people I love are in shitty situations or engaging in toxic behavior, I would speak up. Whether either one of them likes it or not,

And often neither party does.

I’m now the friend that’s hated by many narcissists because I’m the one telling their victims the truth. And it’s cost me a few friendships too. Remember my friend, Darren?

From the following two stories:

This Is Why You Won’t See the Female Narcissist Coming
This passive-aggressive distinction in her approach is why she’s harder to spot than her male counterparts
medium.com

and —

The Real Reason the Female Narcissist Needs to Get Married
Legally binding yourself to your abuser is never going to change the toxic dynamic of the relationship
medium.com

Well, at the very end of September, he blindsided me by ending our friendship — so that he could go back to Alison. Darren knew he couldn’t keep both of us in his life, at the same time.

Alison and I hate each other.

I hate her for the narcissist she is and her blatant disregard for anyone but herself. She hates me because I see through her and kept predicting to Darren every move she would make, accurately.

I was a constant wrench in her plans to not only isolate him but to also force him to marry her and “accidentally” get her pregnant (a story for another time). Therefore, I was a constant pain in her ass.

As angry as I am over the betrayal, I don’t regret “losing” a friend due to my having their back and them choosing their abuser anyway.

I have no regrets because I’d rather lose a friend because I was actually being a friend than lose a friend because they slipped away due to me turning a blind eye to their suffering.

At least I tried.

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I Refuse to Be a Bystander

I won’t allow things to get as bad as they did with Kimmy if I can help it because I understand that waiting can (and eventually does) lead to deadly repercussions, along with a chain reaction of consequences.

It shouldn’t take someone taking their own life for the pain they’re in to end; especially if that pain is being inflicted by someone else. But my audacity does not stop there. I often have a go at the narcissist too.

I challenge them whenever we converse, nearly always throwing at them the possibility of their actions costing someone their life, because of what it might be doing to their mental state.

I let them brag about their toxicity

Before asking them—

What would you do if they killed themselves because of you?

And in each and every case, none of them —

thought of it that way

thought about it like that.

But I do.

I have to because of Kimmy.

Because despite the fact that she killed herself as a result of the narcissist’s abuse, he will never see a day in jail. And there are too many stories like Kimmy’s. Many victims have killed themselves,

If they weren’t killed by their overt, covert, and malignant narcissists. I see it as the deadliest form of assisted suicide because it’s the abuse that drives the victims to it.

And once it does the deed is placed on the individual who did the deed instead of the external influences that motivated the deed to be done. And this is how narcissists commonly get away with murder.

Without ever getting their hands dirty.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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