This Is the Smoothest Way to Turn Down Someone After a Couple of Dates

Rejecting someone after a couple of dates has to be one of the hardest things to do.

In fact, for some people, turning down a date can often be more challenging than asking them out.

And this is more true if the person they are rejecting is genuinely good, but for one reason or another, they are just not feeling it. It’s not quite the same as ending things in a long-term relationship, whereby the flaws and shortcomings of the dumpee are more apparent.

People are especially prone to feel discomfort when ending things because we hate to see pain in others. Most of us have been rejected at some point, and the experience of being turned down can create empathy and a recognition of the negative emotional impact it may have on someone.

But alas, if you date on an even semi-regular basis, having to reject someone is inevitable.

So, what can be said to make the experience palatable?

Here are some phrases that are direct, leave little to no ambiguity, and most importantly, likely to be received positively; I know if someone were to reject me, I would much rather hear them say the following:

“Hey, (Insert name), I have enjoyed getting to know you, but I’m not feeling the type of connection I need to move things forward, and I would like to bring things between us to a close.”

“I have enjoyed our fun dates together (Insert name), but I’m afraid I’m just not feeling the romantic connection I was hoping for, and I would like to tell you I’m no longer interested in continuing to date.”

Sometimes, after hearing the above, they might offer to stay friends. Whether or not you want to continue with such an arrangement is up to you, but if not, the best response would be:

“I’m sorry, but I’m not looking for friends right now.”

And leave it at that.

It’s best to keep things as brief as possible, maintain a sympathetic tone, and always address them by their name to avoid coming off as cold and businesslike.

Should they ask why you are no longer interested, you can elaborate on the reason(s), but be cautious about letting the conversation drift into that area, as it has the potential to devolve into a never-ending back and forth. After all, nobody likes being rejected while being told about the flaws that make them undesirable. Detailed explanations are best left for people you have been seeing for a prolonged period.

As for whether to tell them via text, call, or in person, that depends on the duration of the relationship.

If you have been on a handful of dates, there is no point in meeting in person. A quick call or even a text will suffice.

I know breaking up with someone over text is looked down upon, but if there hasn’t been a prolonged connection or formal exclusivity, then it’s perfectly justified to shoot them a text. However, when sending a breakup message over the phone, I find rephrasing things in the following way adds a layer of compassion:

“Hi (insert name), sorry to be saying this over text instead of in person, but I’m afraid I’m just not feeling the romantic connection I was hoping for. It’s been good to know you. Wish you the best.”

…

Ghosting is a no-go

As hard as it is telling someone you don’t want to see them anymore, it’s infinitely better to say something rather than ghosting or ignoring them.

At the very least, extend them the courtesy of letting them know you are not interested so they can put their efforts elsewhere. Such a small gesture can go a long way in making the dating landscape pleasant for everyone.

When we all treat each other with respect, it makes it more likely that the next time that person engages in the dating scene, they will do so with confidence and a positive mindset, leading to a ripple effect where the people they interact with also experience kindness and consequently treat others with similar considerations.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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