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By way of full disclosure: I am a cis-gender woman who identifies with the pronoun she/her. I consider myself pretty well balanced between stereotypical masculine and feminine strengths. I was raised by parents who encouraged both confidence/ assertiveness and humility/gentleness. My mother would tell me to “walk in like you own the joint.” So I wouldn’t be intimidated by anyone, my father added, “they put their pants on one leg at a time, just like you do.” My parents wanted me to have a career by which I could support myself, so I didn’t need to rely on a man to take care of me, and yet, they wanted me to ‘be a lady.’
At 60, I still can’t figure out what that means. To this day, I find it challenging to let a man take care of me.
In terms of appearance, most people would think of me as feminine, as I wear colorful Goddess-y flowy clothes much of the time. There was an experience a few years ago in which I was referred to as ‘butch,’ which solidly pushed my buttons and had me questioning my own hetero-normative training. As much as my parents loved me, it would have been a stretch for them to accept if I had chosen to marry a woman instead of a man. When I did eventually tell them, at my husband’s dare, about my relationship history, they were not rejecting, but said they didn’t understand the inclination.
Over the years, I have had relationships with men and women. As a friend refers to it, I consider myself ‘heteroflexible,’ saying that it is the person, not the plumbing that attracts me. I was monogamously married to a man for 12 years before he died. Since then, I have been what I call ‘incidentally polyamorous,’ without it being a consciously chosen lifestyle, as it is for several people in my life.
On occasion, I have bypassed long lines for the women’s restroom and hightailed it into the men’s restroom since as I have declared, “My bladder has no gender identity.” No one recoiled in fear. No one objected. I wasn’t there to sight-see, just go in a take a quick pee.
There now…not so hard to acknowledge, since most in my life either already know or wouldn’t be shocked to read this come-clean revelation. I feel no fear for my safety by claiming these aspects of myself. however, this is not the case for others I know; clients in my counseling practice and friends who identify as transgender.
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The Trump administration recently declared that it will be looking to re-define what it means to be male or female, without consideration for choice/change.
A New York Times article, entitled ‘Transgender’ Could Be Defined Out of Existence Under Trump Administration,’ highlighted a statement by DHS, “Sex means a person’s status as male or female based on immutable biological traits identifiable by or before birth,” the department proposed in the memo, which was drafted and has been circulating since last spring. “The sex listed on a person’s birth certificate, as originally issued, shall constitute definitive proof of a person’s sex unless rebutted by reliable genetic evidence.”
Since then, fear has roared through the communities of which I am a part, like wildfire. Along with it has come solid support for our LGBTQ siblings. In Doylestown, Pennsylvania (a suburb about an hour outside of Philadelphia) is a strong bastion of outspoken citizens. Most social justice activities are spearheaded by activist Marlene Pray and the organization called Rise Up Doylestown. As often as my schedule allows, I attend vigils and rallies in solidarity. I was not able to be there in person for a recent gathering organized by transgender youth, called Erase the Hate – Rally for Transgender Rights in Doylestown. As I watched the videos that people took, I was deeply moved and inspired. One speaker was Julian Elliott, a young person in the community who identifies as ‘they/them’:
I’d describe myself as a queer artist working in the community. Social activism isn’t something I ever really wanted to do but it has always felt deeply necessary for the wellbeing of myself and my friends and people like me, especially in the face of the hate being brought out by our current administration. I feel afraid for everybody trans. I spent a long time hiding from my identity and didn’t come out until after I graduated high school because it never felt safe, and that was even while Obama was in office, so I really feel for the kids who aren’t out at this time. Life is really hard with the day-to-day microaggressions, and a lot of us have to crowdfund our medical treatment. I don’t know what will happen. I hope things can get better.
When I heard the words that issued forth during the rally, I was astounded and asked for their consent to re-print them for this article. I had wanted to elaborate on the concepts contained within it, but I felt at a loss to do so. You can’t mess with perfection and this statement is as close as it comes. So, I will let their words stand alone and speak my truth as well.
“If you are sick of the way women have been treated by Trump, his administration, and his right-wing base, if you tire of hearing their excuses for the manipulation of and violence toward women, if you are outraged by women being treated as walking, talking vaginas with nothing else to offer the world: it is time to stand up for your trans sisters, brothers, and siblings, because trans and nonbinary people are feared for only one reason. The destruction of sexism.
If people assigned female at birth can grow up to become men, what does it mean anymore to be a man? If the power a man holds could belong to any of us, how can the continued subjugation of womankind be ensured?
If people assigned male at birth are allowed to become women, they are not only tarnishing the supposed good name of mankind, they are forcing all straight men to have to think twice about objectifying and sexualizing every female-presenting person they lay eyes on.
Worst of all, if people live as neither man nor woman, how will we know how they ought to be treated, or where their place in this world is?
If you view yourself as a person before your gender and you are unsure about trans rights and protections, it is time to reexamine why, because the only thing that is threatened when you accept trans folks as members of your community is sexism.
Trans women are women. Trans men are men. Trans people are people. And we are not going away.”
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Photo credit: Flickr