In the wake of the brutal election season and its even more incendiary aftermath, it’s been fairly common to hear white, cisgender Christian men feigning incredulity at people looking for “safe spaces” (Their air quotes, not mine.)
The request by historically marginalized communities to have a place where they are not subjected to open bigotry or hateful speech, is often met with thick condescension, various sarcastic insults, and the assertion that no one has ever really had such imaginary luxuries to begin with—so these people should stop complaining.
The worst version of a bad day for white, cisgender Christian men looks like a dream to most everyone else.
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Many go as far to ask where their safe spaces are, failing to comprehend that as Americans they’ve had a safe space for two hundred and thirty-eight years or so—called America.
Wherever they’ve placed their feet or voiced their opinions or done their work has been safe for them because that was how it was designed. From day one every bit of the house has been stacked in their favor. Their skin color, gender, sexual orientation, and faith profession have all afforded them every possible advantage and privilege, and exempted them from true marginalization. White, cisgender Christian men asking for a safe space, is akin to Caucasians asking why there isn’t a “White History Month,” or why we can’t say “White Lives Matter.” They have been the beneficiaries of lopsided importance and unmerited opportunity for so long, that the slightest effort by history to tip the scales toward balance feels like attack. What is in reality only disagreement, seems to them like oppression.
It’s why these men can claim with a straight face that they and their kind had previously suffered for the past 8 years under Barack Obama, and so Liberal minority communities should now understand exactly how they’ve been feeling. It’s why despite the election results, they can contend that they are actually still the marginalized ones whose experience everyone else needs to understand and have sympathy for.
The difference of course, is that whatever “suffering” they’ve perceived to have endured, was done so:
while still having higher wages than their female counterparts,
with a far lower rate of arrest and incarceration than men of color,
with a suicide rate much lower than the LGBTQ community,
with no one opposing their right to marry or control their own bodies,
without being branded as religious extremists,
while still claiming the vast majority in political representation.
In other words, the worst version of a bad day for white, cisgender Christian men looks like a dream to most everyone else. No one questioned their sexual activity. their work qualifications, their ability to work and parent, or their right to live in this country. Lots of people would love to feel that safe for even a few moments—and they deserve to.
Maybe we need to be careful about trying to equate our experience of discomfort or disagreement with the injustices endured by people of color, Muslims, the LGBTQ community, or women.
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White, cisgender Christian men, I say this as one of your own. Most people will never experience the emotional safety you and I have without lifting a finger, because their physical attributes or personal demographics have always prevented it. When frustrated, fearful people ask for safe spaces, they’re not being weak, they’re not whining, and they’re not looking to be coddled. They’re asking for once, to receive the decency and respect that you and I have been gifted with every moment since we’ve shown up on the planet. They’re asking that we consider the shoes they’ve walked in and what it might be like to speak and not be really heard, to work and not be fully compensated, to love and not have it truly acknowledged. They’re asking us for empathy that we’ve rarely had to exercise.
Because the honest truth is that you and I have always been in safe spaces—simply by being in our own skin. We’ve never once been truly oppressed or marginalized or victims of racism.
Maybe we need to think about that before we contend that we’re suffering or that we ever have suffered. Maybe we need to be careful about trying to equate our experience of discomfort or disagreement with the injustices endured by people of color, Muslims, the LGBTQ community, or women.
Maybe we need to be the ones most loudly advocating for those who still don’t know the safety we’ve lived in every single day of our white, cisgender Christian lives.
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Originally Published on John Pavlovitz
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Photo: Getty Images
It’s just very unappealing that pastor John puts so much effort into rounding up the victims, and then fanning them out on display, for all to ogle. It’s unseemly. Why not encourage inner strength, perseverance, fortitude, positive attitude? —-Those are the actions, & qualities that are going to help those that have been hurt move ahead, find success, and gain healing.
Dude… I’ve been shot at. Dragged out of a car by an angry police officer. Had the point of a nightstick jammed under my chin and then thrown down and handcuffed. No crime. I’ve been taken advantage of while black out drunk. I’ve been robbed. I’ve been beat up due to my race. I’m a white dude. Why don’t you stop posting or writing until you learn something about basic humanity? You drip as much poison as the anti-gay preachers do in your home state. Your continual bullshite is based on paper thin identity politic driven assumptions about people based… Read more »
anon. good points. identity politics is for losers. John P….why can’t people just be people? collecting victims is uncool, and it hurts people, –again.
Outstanding article. Mr. Pavlovitz! The fact I that many Whites and (some non-Whites who are in denial and are looking for validation from White male patriarchy) do not want to acknowledge real, hard, true fact White privilege exists and many of them regardless of social-economic status benefit from this fact ever single day whether directly or indirectly.
Last week you wrote a piece about how you broke off relationships with people who didn’t vote the way you did.
I can tell you this: This isn’t how MLK would talk or act. Nor Thich Naht Hanh. Nor Gandhi.
They all advocated for social justice – but they didn’t start from a place of #WeRageForLove.
Dude, where’s your emotional intelligence?
Thank-you for that Sandy; but I think that tough love for John has fallen on deaf ears.
There are jerks and idiots on all sides of the political spectrum, especially at the fringes. We all know that.
But as for you, here’s what I notice: Every article you write is apparently based on your own hatred and rage because Hillary lost the election.
Maybe you should give it a rest.
Yeah… except most often the ones calling for a safe space are upper and middle class college students who just don’t want to hear anything they disagree with.
Hardly the downtrodden masses.
I’m all for them isolating themselves from society though, as long as they don’t infringe on my rights at the same time.
If they were actually mere spaces without bigotry that would be one thing. But often “safe space” is an excuse to deflect criticism and dissent (most of the time dissent is called bigotry, most of the things accused of being bigoted actually aren’t, they’re just inconvenient). Moreover, they’re not bigotry free spaces. “Safe space” also often means an invitation to say whatever you like about your white male “oppressors” – things that would get a white male in a lot of hot water if they ever said them about a minority group. So yes, very often it is a display… Read more »
Okay, look I know people of all races and genders say horrible things. But you seriously can’t believe that white, heterosexual men aren’t also saying horrible things without censure about women and minority groups. I assure you they are. I read things everyday online where white, heterosexual men saying horrible things about others all the time. They call women horrible four letter names. They blame them for their own sexual assualt. I have had men in the middle of serious discussions ask me the size of my breasts because they wanted to demean me in this discussions or claim I… Read more »
Thanks for speaking out, Erin.
Obviously, the Internet brings out the worst in people. Many of those who post in forums aren’t seeking to understand others. They’re shouting so loudly that they can’t hear what others are saying. I can’t say my own posting record has been perfect in that regard. Sometimes you have to step away from the ugliness.
Okay, look I know people of all races and genders say horrible things. But you seriously can’t believe that white, heterosexual men aren’t also saying horrible things without censure about women and minority groups. I assure you they are. I don’t think OirishM believes that but its interesting that you draw that conclusion and I think that is part of the problem. There is an assumption of collective guilt being heaped on those designated as oppressors despite their actual circumstances (and sometimes in an active attempt to erase those actual circumstances). Yes there are white guys who say and do… Read more »
Excellent honest, truthful article!