You Know Why Digital Conversations Will Never Replace Real Conversations, Right?

First things first, let’s get this out of the way:

typing “lol” when you didn’t even crack a smile;
sending a string emojis to avoid expressing how you really feel;
your heart drops every time the “…” typing indicator disappears; and
having whole “deep” conversations in memes and GIFs.
…all these aren’t real conversations. And yes, you are not the only one, but that is still not how meaningful

communication works (or used to work). And I bet you probably already suspect what is missing. Digital chats maybe convenient, but they are not what we humans were built for: we are wired to connect, and not just through Wi-Fi.

Why digital conversations will simply never measure up

First, we will talk about what they lack, and of course the most obvious is body language. Text messages, for instance, strip away much of the richness of face-to-face communication, which is 55% body language and 38% vocal tone.

So that means your “LOL” isn’t just incomplete, it is practically silent.

That is not all, even a lighthearted comment could be very risky. It is all just too easy to misinterpret a message when you can’t hear people’s voices or see their faces. This is saying nothing about the usual absence of the flow of real conversations. Online chats start and stop so much it gets awkward.

Now don’t get me wrong I am not saying you need to stop texting. They are great for quick updates, making plans, or even sending memes that say what words can’t. but if that is the main way you are connecting, you are missing out on a lot.

“Text messages, for instance, strip away much of the richness of face-to-face communication, which is 55% body language and 38% vocal tone.”

When the real magic happens:

when you can lock eyes with someone and they just get it;
when conversations are unpredictable and full of energy;
when you can say something awkward and laugh it off;
when you can read the room and adjust your tone or choose more appropriate words; and
when you can share moments of silence that actually feel comfortable instead of agonizing.

All these can only happen in real-life moments, not in the DMs.

Why it matters more than you think

Communication is how we build trust, form/maintain relationships, and understand each other, and online chats mostly just scratch the surface. It is the real conversations that go deeper, because they let you see the excitement in their smile and you hear the emotion in their voice. Plus, real-life conversations are just fun when you are right there sharing your thoughts without filters or typing anxiety.

Unfortunately, and especially if you are from the younger generations, I often see that in-person conversations tend to feel intimidating because you are so used to the “safety” of a screen.

However, you can relax because nobody is expecting you to hop on stage and deliver a TED Talk just yet. You can start small: a simple, genuine compliment can open the door to more, a comment on your surroundings can get a conversation going, a question can get people talking about themselves, etc., and you could be on your way to having a great conversation.

“We old geezers use these all the time, and the secret is that the more you practice, the easier it gets. And all those awkward moments you are dreading? They are not nearly as bad as you think.”

But guess what?

Your digital conversations can stay, just don’t let them replace the real thing. So, go ahead, put down your phone, look up, and start a conversation with someone. Don’t worry if you appear to fumble the words or even say something weird. Real connections can be a tad messy and unpredictable, but they are so much better than waiting for that typing indicator and message that might not come.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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