We ran a post earlier today asking if women who have had five or more partners were considered by men to be promiscuous. According to AskMen, five is the threshold number for promiscuity.
Marrie, who writes about dating, sex, and relationships at the blog “Dirty in Public” had this to say in response:
This morning I found out that most men consider me promiscuous. Not just a little promiscuous but judging by the numbers I am a full blown super-tramp. As a part of me gives myself a high five, the other part of me, hangs my head in shame. A fantastic article on the blog The Good Men Project, led me to the Great Men Survey on AskMen. The stats accumulated by the over 7,000 participants shocked me. According to those surveyed, a woman is considered promiscuous at her 5th partner. That’s right, 5th partner! Now, I am not sure about the rest of you but I found this number to be shockingly low, especially as a woman nearly 40. Christ, if you do the averages, Catholic priests have more sex than I would if I lived my life according to this survey. Now there are a few things that I take notice of when reviewing some of the other data provided by those who participated in the survey; 46% of the men surveyed were single and 50% said they would not be comfortable dating a woman with children. Conversely, when you look at the Great Female Survey on So Feminine; 28% of women polled felt men were promiscuous at their 20th partner, followed closely by 27% at their 50th. There was no question asked of the woman if they would date a man with children. There was also no mention, at least that I could find, of the average ages of those surveyed. This got me thinking; are these young men who still hold some of the unrealistic ideals of youth on what makes a “good” partner or what constitutes the “ideal” family structure? I tend to assume that they were younger men as 46% of the men surveyed were single versus only 24% of the women were single.
Now, let’s get back to sex and my promiscuity.
Read her the entire post here.
This whole series of articles is mind boggling to me. I cannot get over the fact that people consider 5 partners to be promiscuous. I’ll admit, when I was younger I did get a bit skeeved out by someone who told me her “number” was 50+ at 19 years of age but the idea that 5 partners in a single adult woman’s life renders her “promiscuous” blows me away. That’s the equivalent of 5 mid length relationships with sex involved over the course of approx 8 years for a 25 year old. I cannot believe this survey is actually indicative… Read more »
Obviously there are two forces at work here. Men are led to believe that virginity is a curse that must be dispelled as soon as possible and must gather as much sexual experience as possible before marriage. Women are led to believe that virginity is a precious treasure that is to be closely guarded until marriage. Why? Because of the presumption that when it comes to marital sex a man is supposed to already know what to do and a woman is supposed to have no clue. Thus as a result you end up with men that are shocked over… Read more »
For every guy who is complaining that women are too promiscuous, there are 20 guys signing up for pickup artist classes with the express intent of learning how to persuade women to be sluttier. (In fact from what I understand of PUA training, “freeing her inner slut” is a major part of the philosophy.) Whenever GMP runs an article about pickup artists or bedroom politics, there are scores of comments from men bitching that women are too picky, too selective, hold out sex too long, and won’t have enough casual sex, with the idea being that women use sex to… Read more »
I’m with you. A guy pressures a girl to have sex, and if she gives in in what their minds is ‘too early’, she’s a slut. Nice. On the other side, since my number is realtively low, I have been treated like an absolute freak, and even been called frigid. So really boys (and I sepatate the boys from the men here) isn’t it a catch-22 for us ladies?
I work at sexual assault/domestic violence advocacy center and I can tell you first-hand that our ideas about promiscuity contribute to a culture that normalizes rape and makes survivors feel like shit for not being a perfect innocent virgin. I know it seems like that cultural norm and our ideas about rape are unrelated, but they are. The idea of promiscuity needs to go away. How you or I feel about sex and sexual partners can differ as much as the toppings we like on our pizza, but that doesn’t mean there is a right or wrong kind of pizza.
5 sexual partners is not promiscuous. 5 sexual partners at once in the same setting or day is promiscuous.
“5 sexual partners at once in the same setting or day is promiscuous.”
I’d say, 5 sexual partners at once in the same day is something to be applauded… ;-D
(at least, for the stamina! 😉 )
As far as I am concerned, I reject every and all double standards. If “promiscuous” means enjoyment of sex and relationships (with no harm intended), let’s all be like that! 🙂
Lots of self-righteous comments even from unmarried people in defense of being unattached and non-committal. Setting aside studies that show a neurochemical reaction in the brain during orgasm is linked with pair-bonding, trust, and commitment, because I know idiots hate reading, it’s not the promiscuous sleeping around that’s wrong and immoral, it’s the failure to commit to one person …until death do you part. It’s weak, it’s selfish, and it’s lame. Sorry but I feel obliged to tell some of you this is a really shitty picture of self-absorption you paint here.
Not everyone has an easy time meeting someone to commit to. It’s not a character flaw as you suggest. Yes there are those who don’t want to settle down, but others who long to get married yet can’t find that special person. What should those people do? If you stop dating and having relationships, you’ll never meet anyone.
Johnny,
I was married and was faithful throughout my lengthy marriage…my ex had an affair and divorced me! Your assumption is that promiscuous = non-committal or disloyal. Neither of which define the person I am. When I am in a committed relationship, I remain committed. The number of sexual partners an individual has should not reflect on their character! My ability to enjoy consensual sex with consensual adults without expectations of what the act of having sex means, does not make me self absorbed or commitment “phobic”, it makes me an adult.
Apparently, I never got that memo. When I asked my then future wife her number, I admit I was a little jealous. No, not of the guys; of her. I wished I had had as much experience. I spent most of my twenties working, not playing.
I think there are plenty of guys who really don’t care what the number is, as long as you have lived and loved with self-respect.
I lost my virginity at age 20 and I’m now 45. That’s 25 years of sexual activity. Although I’ve been in long term relationships, I’ve never been married. My “number” is 13. That’s about one man every 2 years. My”number” includes a couple drunken hookups in college but after that, I only had sex in the context of a relationship. I never had sex with a stranger or on the first or second, or even the third date. If that makes me “promiscuous” in anyone’s mind, well sirs, you are idiots. The only sex I regret was the bad sex.
The only way I could understand having 5 partners as being skanky would be if she had them all in a weeks time. & even then who am I to judge. Hell, if I was a chick, I would do my damnedest to wear my pussy out, for what good would a pristine box do me in my ‘golden years’?
Tis as it always has been and always will be.
Perhaps you should convert to Islam and move to one of the Persian nations. I hear they get treated much better for spreading the kitty around over there.
Personally I find it generally detrimental to tell a woman I am interested in how many partners I have had. Just to many prudish leftover vestiges of a puritan theistic idiodic culture floating around out there. And as long as we are both healthy, HIV and generally disease free, I sure hope she has had several partners. Almost anything goes in bed with me and women who have only had one or two partners are not usually ready for the anything goes experience. Be it 5 or 500 partners there is no such thing as promiscuity to me. In the… Read more »
It’s not gay when you’re in a threeway. When a honey is in the middle there’s some leeway.
That was actually George Michael, from I Want Your Sex.