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In which John Green forgets his lines, is interrupted by airplanes, ad libs some jokes, and Stan proves himself ignorant of pop culture.
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Transcript Provided by YouTube:
00:00
Do you like the color of my shirt?
00:02
Rhetorical question. Of course you do!
00:03
Is he on Mount Rushmore?
00:04
And Roosevelt was also a con – I want to say conversationist.
00:07
I.E. – Joining the Navy
00:09
E.G…. No, I.E.
00:11
Stan, you’re gonna love this song.
00:13
Do you like it yet?
00:14
No, Stan. Not that kind of machine.
00:17
I actually looked in the right direction.
00:19
If you’ve ever had an infant, you may notice that they poop
00:23
… and barf …
00:25
… #$*% airplanes
00:26
Points to what Arthur Schlessinger called
00:28
Schless… Schless… Schlessinger
00:30
“Lost Generation” of writers who lived in
00:33
that was a weird “of writers” that was like a
00:35
a George W. Bush teleprompter moment
00:40
I have to get something to drink.
00:41
To foster the seeds…
00:43
…#$*% – nugget.
00:44
Stan just said and I’m quoting him directly –
00:46
“Now who’s J-Law?”
00:47
WHAT
00:48
An inventually – and inventually?
00:50
what the #&$*
00:51
That’s a great hat.
00:52
I want this new refrigerator I made to go to a happy home!
00:55
To go to a wonderful british couple –
00:57
this isn’t a funny joke.
00:59
How long is that happened, has that been the whole episode?
01:00
Which is the same problem that my aunt has with QVC
01:03
I mean, she doesn’t even need…
01:05
I don’t wanna, what is this joke?
01:06
Mr. Green! Mr. Green!
01:08
Strong with the force this episode is!
01:11
That was pretty bad. Right?
01:13
(maybe we just don’t…) *laughter*
01:15
Brown vs. Board of Education came before the Surmpr –
01:17
dammit.
01:18
His congress also pasked the…
01:20
pasked?
01:21
Forms the –
01:21
what the $%*$ is up with the planes today?!
01:23
Is it $*%*# ‘n plane day?!
01:25
Is it the #*$%’n airshow of Indianapolis?
01:28
They included Harry – the – the Hairy General
01:32
He was a hairy general.
01:33
But remember, that plasterer
01:35
Rememberer.
01:36
Seattle became a shipping and aircraft manufacturing –
01:38
*phone buzz* – crap.
01:39
Let’s wait for the plane.
01:40
What did McKinley ever do?
01:41
You can’t teach US History if you don’t know
01:43
that US History culminates in Jennifer Lawrence!
01:49
…are you asking “who’s Jennifer Lawrence?”
01:50
Whoa! Crash Course is made with all the –
01:53
Agh! Ahh I didn’t even co –
01:54
It was a failure after all that.
01:56
Now I’m committed to doing it though.
01:58
Crash course is…
02:00
I don’t even remember the lines now.
02:03
That was not elegant.
02:04
Hold on! I’m gonna do it elegantly.
02:06
The problem – at least according to most economints –
02:08
Would – eco… econdoments?
02:11
There’s just a helicopter hovering over us.
02:12
Do you wanna stop?
02:13
North and South Vietnama –
02:15
Vietnamom? Why do I want to say that?
02:17
No president could have dealt with it effectively.
02:19
Not Carter,
02:21
I… I forgot Gerald Ford’s name.
02:23
Oh, it’s time for the Mystery Document?
02:27
The rules here are simple.
02:29
Too confident.
02:30
They weren’t wo – warriors?
02:33
They seemed terribly pathetic to me.
02:36
They weren’t warriors….
02:37
…I can’t say it!
02:39
I want to say worriers!
02:41
I’m a worrier, not a warrior!
02:44
This is last week’s Mystery Document.
02:47
What? I don’t…
02:49
What’s the problem?
02:51
I’m just preparing to open the Mystery Document, Stan.
02:54
*explosion*
02:58
And even though they weren’t warriors…
03:00
And even though they weren’t worriers,
03:03
…how do you say it?
03:04
#*$% – McMuffin!
03:05
Oh man, that is some good writing –
03:08
by war correspondent Ernie Pyle!
03:10
BOOP!
03:12
That was a weird noise.
03:14
I’m gonna try that again without that noise.
03:15
But this was kind of overtly unconstitutional.
03:17
– can I say that?
03:19
Liberal bias!
03:20
Through litery tests… litery
03:22
That what the the the Jane house, the Hull house. Right.
03:25
I know that. I’ve been there.
03:26
To be clear, I didn’t mean to sound like a #*$% there!
03:28
And if that doesn’t sound like an empire to you, allow me to draw your attention to…
03:32
Nope.
03:32
I’m just kidding! One of my best friends is a defense attorney.
03:36
Well, I. You know what. If I was falsely accused…
03:39
of… a crime… such as speeding…
03:44
or… I’m not gonna say any of my other crimes on tape.
03:47
Crash course is produced and directed by Stan Muller
03:50
Our script supervisor is Meredith Danko
03:52
the show is produced by… eh #*$% it.
03:55
Last week’s… oh, right.
03:57
There are no phrase of the weeks anymore.
04:02
It has a slight angle so it’s always turning this way.
04:05
Every week there’s a new caption for the libertage if you want…
04:10
I’m trying it again.
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
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Photo credit: Screenshot from video