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I came across a post yesterday that was confusing, although I’m sure everyone reading this knows exactly what it is. A female friend had posted simply, “Me too”. I don’t really pay a whole lot of attention to current trending items on Facebook, so I had no idea what it was about.
Then I saw another. And another. Curiosity got ahold of me, and I eventually realized what everyone was talking about. Once it set in, it set in deep. Almost every female I know, and a few males as well, has had to deal with some kind of harassment or assault at some point in their lives. What a sickening thought.
I started thinking about my role in this. I haven’t been assaulted, nor have I assaulted or harassed anyone. I have always been conscious of how I may be perceived by a woman walking toward me on the street at night, and I strive to be as unintimidating in those cases as possible. I think those close to me would say I do an excellent job not being scary; I probably couldn’t be if I tried.
But what can I do, what can one man do to change this culture of fear in which women live? I can be a safe man for women to talk to and be around, but of course, they don’t know that, and if I attempted to advertise it I’m sure it would come across the wrong way.
Posting another generic “I’m with you” on Facebook seems trivial and meaningless, and I don’t have a big enough social media following to really exude influence. What can I do to really make a difference?
I have a three-year-old daughter and a seven-year-old son. I make a conscious effort to impart my ideals and beliefs onto them, including respecting others and their personal space. When our roughhousing gets to be a little too much and they tell me to stop, I will immediately move on to another, less physical play. When they are playing together, I make sure they realize the need to respect the other’s body and needs. I’m not jumping down their throats about it, but I am leading by example, and I’m sure they pick up on that.
During our play time together I want to be playing the character I hope they will strive to become in their adult lives. By giving them this role model, I present them with a target. I am not perfect, but at least I’m there and I’m pointing them in the right direction.
My respect for my wife is tremendous, and I want that to be obvious to my children. If they see me respecting her and holding her in high esteem as a peer and equal, they learn the meaning of respecting others. If they can learn respect through my actions, I have made a change in the world. If my children grow up to be respectful, empathetic and empowered adults they will help make the world a better place, and in so doing they will dent the fear culture.
My apologies as a representation of men everywhere would probably sound hollow and insincere but my actions will prove my intentions. By being the best man I can be, I hope to impart the values I hold dear onto my children, helping them become the best people they can be. I hope my daughter will grow up to be a strong-willed and fearless woman, and I hope my son will grow up to be a strong-willed, respectful and empathetic man. If I can help them toward those goals, perhaps I am doing some small part to help affect positive change.
Be the change you want to see in the world, even if your circle of influence is small. We are all connected; your circle of influence bleeds over into other circles, and it spreads from there. Working together we can affect great change, and we can begin with ourselves.
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