Hugo Schwyzer offers some practical advice for checking out women without making them head for the hills.
It’s been over 30 years, but I still remember the day Jenny Talbot caught me staring at her boobs.
Jenny and I sat next to each other in a couple of classes. We weren’t exactly friends, but friendly; she helped me in math, I helped her in social studies. One day, Jenny and I were working together on a project, our desks and bodies facing. Though she usually wore sweaters, this spring day she wore just a V-neck T-shirt. When she bent over, I could see her breasts encased in her white, frilly bra. I was not quite 14, and in a near constant state of arousal; the sight of a bra strap was, frequently, enough to produce an erection. With Jenny distracted by her work, I had a free close-up view of the kind I’d rarely had. So I stared.
At one point, after she’d been hunched over her work for a while, Jenny looked up and noticed my eyes locked on to her chest. Her reaction was immediate and fierce.
“You’re so perverted!” she yelled, loud enough to make the teacher and my classmates turned off. She turned away in disgust and anger; I cringed and flushed with embarrassment. The snickers of my classmates continued for a few days—from boys as well as girls—and they left me confused. Was it wrong to look? Or was it just wrong to get caught looking? Those questions haunted me for a long time afterward. Though I didn’t stop checking out hot girls, I made my gaze subtler, not wanting to ever repeat the public humiliation I’d experienced with Jenny.
When I got to college and took women’s studies courses, I heard for the first time about the problematic power of the male gaze. I listened to my classmates tell painful stories of the first time they noticed men ogling their bodies. I realized that I’d grown up believing what many men believe, that guys may not have a right to touch what they see, but they have a right to look as much as they want. Listening to women’s stories, I understood for the first time just how uncomfortable it was to be on the receiving end of those penetrating stares.
The question I wrestled with then was one I now often get asked by other men: How do I look? These guys aren’t asking for feedback on their appearance; they’re asking for clear guidelines for how to check out women in ways that aren’t going to make those women (or others) uncomfortable.
It’s a question we should be asking.
♦◊♦
The jerks who genuinely don’t care how their stares make other people feel aren’t likely to be reading this, and if they do, they’ll ridicule it. These are the lads who think it’s their God-given right as men to take ownership with their eyes of all that they survey, and they don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks.
On the other hand, there are some who aren’t sure men should ever look at a woman (other than their wives.) If you believe that gazing with lust is always a sin (as some religious traditionalists do), then there can’t possibly be a “right” way to check out attractive strangers. The best that these ultra-conservatives can do is avert their eyes as much as possible and plead for a modest dress code that will ease the pain of temptation. Sounds exhausting.
I’m convinced most men are in the space between these extreme positions.
For straight (or bi) guys, there are two things to keep in mind. One, it’s OK to look and OK to be turned on by what you’re looking at. Two, it’s not OK to make the person you’re gazing at (or other people who witness you looking) uncomfortable.
(Obviously, whether or not you’re in a monogamous relationship will go a long way toward determining how acceptable it is to be turned on by someone other than your partner. Not everyone agrees on whether the boundaries of fidelity stop at fantasy or not. That’s a topic for another column.)
♦◊♦
One easy technique is the three-second rule. (It has nothing to do with either driving or basketball.) It’s clear enough: look at whatever you want to look at for three seconds before you should probably shift your gaze away. Few women are going to feel as if you’re undressing them with your eyes if your glance lasts so short a time. If you need to count in your head “one, one thousand, two, one thousand, three, one thousand,” do it. And wait at least three seconds before looking again.
Shift your gaze. One of the most common complaints women have is that men tend to focus in on a single body area (boobs, butt, etc.) Move your eyes, not just up and down, but look at the woman’s face. Breasts don’t walk by themselves; they belong to human beings. It isn’t erasing a woman’s humanity to notice her body (or particular body parts). It isn’t erasing her humanity to fantasize about having sex with her. It is erasing her humanity when you make your gaze and your fantasy her problem. A blogger named Holly once wrote, in a comment about this very subject, that there should be “no objectification without due subjectification.” That’s jargon, but the idea is a simple and useful one: it’s OK to stare at someone else’s body (and even long for it) as long as you don’t ever forget that you’re looking at a person. And just as you have a right to lust, that person has a right not to be made forcibly aware of your desire.
Don’t forget the third parties. Even if you and your wife (or girlfriend) have agreed that it’s OK to check out other people, doing it in an obvious way in front of her is hurtful. But other strangers count, too. A buddy of mine was in his car, stopped at a stoplight, staring at a hot woman walking through the crosswalk. “I was drooling,” he admitted. “Then I looked over at the car next to me, and this girl, maybe 10 years old, was in the passenger seat, watching me. She looked frightened. I felt like shit.”
We live in a world that is deeply suspicious of male desire. Rightly so, I think. The number of men who rape, who cheat, who act out in countless other sexually compulsive and destructive ways is depressingly high. The solution doesn’t lie in puritanical self-restraint or in a defensive insistence that there’s nothing wrong. The solution lies in acknowledging that while we have a right to want what we want, we don’t have the right to burden or offend others by the way we display those wants.
As I figured out when I was a kid, it wasn’t wrong to be turned on by Jenny Talbot’s boobs. But it was wrong to stare so long and so hard that I forgot Jenny herself.
—Photo tobkatrina/Flickr
Mine just comments about something near by so he can look as long as he’d like. I must be an idiot 🤣👍🏻
No doubt about it…females do not respect this part of a male’s nature. Pretty much they hate it. Young girls are frightened by it, teen girls are grossed out or laugh at what they see are weakened men who they could take advantage of without effort, older women try to ignore gazes of them (affirming or critical) or their partners gazes of other females no matter how subtle, and much older women who are relieved it’s over or feel like non persons because they are largely ignored as people generally. Lastly, some women take advantage of this uncontrollable urge by… Read more »
All of that crap about women don’t want to be objectified is drivel.. the real truth is that a woman want you to objectify her if you’re the kind of man that she wants to be objectified by.
don’t forget that men who “objectify” have their female counterpart too!
Yeah…. thought this was kind of common sense? I think at 13-14 (teens in general really) there’s no reason to feel guilty about it… when I was about 14 I once did the same thing but with a teacher (she was like 24 or something.. & she also had this lower back tattoo of a deep purple rose that I’d seen before… what’re you gonna do haha) went up to ask her about help after school and we were directly facing each other so she bent over to open her planner and write me in her schedule… I was sneaky… Read more »
I am always flattered to be noticed by a man. I am always creeped out by men who stare obnoxiously (I am not a centerfold), whistle or yell (I’m not a dog), make rude hand or tongue gestures (I am not your lunch) or otherwise act like disgusting animals who have some God-given right to force their lascivious thoughts upon me. If you’re a decent man who notices and gets caught appreciating a beautiful female, make eye contact and smile. If she seems receptive, compliment her! If she seems not to appreciate you checking her out, just look away. The… Read more »
I find use with this comment. I will try looking at the woman’s eyes. That should be safe territory. I feel overwhelmed by a woman’s beauty and sexiness. I stare at flowers and sunsets though too. I may be wired a bit differently having bipolar disorder. But I am no rapist and I have never cheated.
Many good points made here. Women have been socialized (rightly or wrongly is a whole nother can of worms) to both desire and hate the male stare. Women look at men too, but since most of us have not been raised to fear women (insert privilege here) that look either goes by unnoticed or makes our day. Frankly, if I saw a woman staring at me in a lustful manner (or a gay man for that matter), it would put a spring in my step for a solid week, even if that was the extent of the interaction. Women too,… Read more »
It’s Natural to want to look at beautiful people, I think most men obide by the 3 second rule when lookingf at hot women.what’s really confusing to me is
the way men stare at ugly women, as soon as they catch sight, they have a constant fixed generally hate filled stare!! People always say men are logical, but where’s the logic in staring at someone who turns you off?!
Part of this problem is because of the way women dress.
Like they are half naked. I bet if men who had six pack abs
, big cut chests and arms walked shirtless onto a train or around
the place women would stare. When I wear work clothes I barely get a second look but
when I wear jeans and a tight shirt with my muscles showing and
my proportions obvious I get stared at.
And they also get all the dates.
Well there are two things – men and women are differently wired. Men are visually stimulated whilst women are emotionally stimulated. Objectification of women is wrong and men must learn to treat women as they would their mothers or sisters. But women, please understand that you can never understand why a man gets aroused so much, and men, we can never understand the emotional needs of a woman unless we make an effort to honestly do it. Its just that God has made man and women different. Secondly the media is the major influencer. Hollywood exalts sex that is imaginary,… Read more »
As a boy, u grow up watching cartoons, that have hidden pornographic images(research it). Every show, movie, commercial, ad is about sex/something to do with it. Everywhere u look theres a half naked woman, not to mention PORNOGRAPHY IS EVERYWHERE. It’s the world we live in that has made everything so distorting/lustful and the war seems to be against men mainly with the femenism, and all these laws that give women all the power to put ur ass in jail, when they feel like it. gladly only 40% of women abuse the power, in today’s society men are viewed as… Read more »
The Questioner:
Check the FBI stats. In interracial crime, the incidence of black on white violent crime vs. white on black violent crime is grossly disproportionate. That is, blacks assault whites far more than the reverse, adjusted for population proportion.
We are visual creatures (most of us humans anyway). Once I wore a dress that had sparkly flowers very close to my nipples. And my breasts are small. Sitting at a registration table while volunteering at a benefit, at least 3 men — probably all attached — stared at the flowers. At first I didn’t realize what they were staring at. But I did experience “the stare”. I thought, “What the hell are they staring at?” until I went the ladies room, looked in the mirror and saw. Heh, I give men grace and myself a reason for more modesty.
Someone made a very good point above, in the story Jenny with the boobs is the one who behaved in the more abusive way. And there is a litany on things that we need to talk about in way women treat men. the objectification of men as sacrifice, work, genital torture for humor status as well as sex objects (anyone remember the advertisement featuring the man who had been anally raped with the vacume cleaner he gave his wife for Christmas? Can you imagine why would happen if women being raped with the power tools they gave the husbands was… Read more »
Shoot NWOslave, you’ve just revealed the sisterhood’s evil diabolical plan.
Once we get the actual plants to orbit around us, which we will lure to us by magnetic attraction to our bosoms, we will take each planet and make it our personal storing ground for our huge shoe collections. *Insert evil laughter here*
“Passing Beauty
still delights him, but he no longer
has to turn round.”
(WH Auden)
This article is decent because it caters to men who look at women and admire their bodies. But it doesnt acknowledge the point of facial expression upon staring. Looking at a woman is not wrong neither is desiring her, just like a woman looking at a man. Humans, not just man, humans are visual beings. When a man looks at a woman it is a good idea to at least smile and make eye contact either before or after you have inspected the desireable area of interest thus making it known you view her as a beautiful being instead of… Read more »
I sympathize with women who are frequently leered at by strangers when they are doing nothing to invite those stares, and the cumulative effect of this rude and _sometimes_ threatening behavior can be damaging. It’s the opposite end of the spectrum of “invisible” women who are unable to get attention. But in his own article, Hugo shows us that the “power of the male gaze” was seriously trumped by that of his classmate Jenny, who unleashed on him the power of withering public shame which she had probably just discovered – a highly patriarchal power I might add, and one… Read more »
I’ve got to sympathize with Jenny here. She was a young girl and probably had no idea how to handle the idea of a boy she previously thought of as friendly and harmless suddenly staring at her like she was a juicy steak. How would he have felt if his pants accidentally fell down in class and he caught her staring avidly at his penis? He’d probably yell and her and call her a pervert too. She may have suddenly realized that her top was too low and she was probably mortified and embarrassed.
How was Hugo supposed to react? He was a heterosexual teenage boy, he saw a young woman’s breasts and he had a reaction consistent with his gender and sexual orientation. She was wrong for humiliating him in front of his peers like that – all he did was LOOK, for Christ’s sake!
“He had a reaction consistent with his gender and sexual orientation.” Gregory—sometimes I wonder if you realize just how bigoted your comments come across. Women and gay men were teenagers too at one point, but somehow they knew not to objectify their classmates in public. Also, women and LGBT folks of all genders are well-versed in sexual shame, as any victim of high school bullying can tell you. Heterosexual men are rarely seen as whores or deviants for being sexual, a fact evidenced (“How was Hugo supposed to react? He was a heterosexual teenage boy…”) by your own comment. I’m… Read more »
I think this fight’s getting “man bad, baaaaaaaaaaad man” without needing to.
Hormones can be royal hell to someone who’s awe-struck by a peer that he’s comfortable with and attracted to when they’re kicking in and he hasn’t learned how to deal with them… I’m female and I’ve defnitely been awe-struck by some seriously beautiful cleavage… and I’m straight.
You are naive. Do you know want to know why you hate being called a “pervert” so much? You hate being called a pervert because perverts are graceless and the graceless are strange and the strange is dangerous. There’s a group of successful businessmen and one janitor who is fat, has a beard, and has a speech impediment. The guy used to be a plumber and his old mom and his grandmother live with him. Who’s the pervert? There’s a group of high school students and one of them is the outcast, wears his hair greasy, and spends all day… Read more »
As I understand it, if I consistently FAIL to notice women with particular physical traits, that is also evidence of objectification, superficiality, and even misogyny. So, notice more women instead of being so restrictive. From what I’ve read on another thread here, if I fail to notice the attractiveness of women my own age, that is evidence of some type of disorder I need to get over. So, stop noticing some and start noticing others. Now here I read that all looking feels like objectification, but it’s okay to do it as long as you’re subtle about it. So, look… Read more »
Oh dear. Yes, the article itself is amusingly inane. The larger point of it, I would say, is to stop feeling entitled to stare at women. You are not entitled to stare at woman. Society has rules and the rule is: Don’t stare at women. It’s rude. Of course there is a good way to break that obvious, universally known rule and that is the Three-Second Rule proposed above. That is a good compromise between respecting the rights of the woman you are staring at and your sense of failure for being duped into paying $7 for a beer that… Read more »
Is it really so much about how men look at us or is it, at least in part, also our responsibility to look at how we react to it? Im a woman, I get looked at several times a day, by men I know, men I employ, men that I dont know and an occasional teenage boy (they get a pass because, seriously, at 37 if Im still turning on an 18 year old enough to look at me, then hallelujah!). Mostly, I ignore them. Shocking lil super power I have there innit? I do have the ability to ignore… Read more »
Oh you flaming twit….you’ve completely misread my entire post.
If you go and read even a handful of my posts here, you’ll see that I agree that male sexuality IS routinely villified while female sexuality is hailed as the gilded lily and worshipped. Even NOT knowing that, how you misinterpretted what I said into that mess of yours is beyond me, but Im glad you had fun, thanks for playing, Vanna will show you to the door
How now! I do quite agree with much of your first post, but what on Earth is this nonsense about female sexuality being hailed and worshipped??? You must be crazy. Have you ever seen porn? I have, and I’m a woman. It is shocking, to the say the least… And anyway, where have you heard of a woman’s sexuality being praised and rewarded??? In general, I see women being insulted as lackluster prostitutes, as loose women who sleep around and wreck good homes, as disgusting fat cows who the fathers do not want to stay in the birthing room while… Read more »
Can Hugo please stop writing for this site? It’s called the GOOD Men Project, I’d really rather not show up every week to read Hugo’s newest article about how all the sleazy gross perverted men need to completely reinvent themselves in order to be worthy of sharing this Earth with the holy female gender.
How is an article asking men to be more considerate of women implying that all men need to “completely reinvent themselves”? Are you unable to take criticism? If staring at women until they feel uncomfortable isn’t something that you, personally, do then you can just move on. Clearly, this article wasn’t meant for you. There are plenty of guys who already know that staring is rude and don’t do it. And if it is something that you do from time to time, there’s nothing wrong with admitting that it’s not the best thing and trying to make an effort to… Read more »
If there’s nothing wrong with telling men not to stare, then why are we having this conversation? That was the point of the article and if you don’t disagree with it then what’s the problem? I believe that the article is about objectification, not rape, so why do you bring it up again? And, you also throw in the money element. Why? Nothing in this article ever suggested that the economic status of the person staring makes any difference in whether or not a woman feels uncomfortable. I feel like you’re going on your own tangents. “Women reserve the right… Read more »
“The problem with this quote is that you take it for granted that MEN get to determine what counts as an “overt sexual display”. ” The problem with this quote is that men don’t get to decide what they’re physically attracted to. But women do get the choice whether to display it or not. One could also make the case that deliberately displaying oneself in a provocative manner constitutes a form of harassment towards men. I haven’t decided if I agree with that or not, but it’s worth contemplating. Now, people say women should be able to wear what they… Read more »
Then go run around in clown suit. Who’s stopping you? Women wearing “provocative” does not put you in physical danger. It does not discriminate against you. It does not restrict you from going about your everyday business! You are arguing a moot point. The truth is, forcing you to take a woman seriously is not being “just plain spoiled,” IT’S REALITY. BE A BIG BOY AND DEAL WITH YOUR LITTLE PROBLEM OF BEING PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO WOMEN BY YOURSELF! WOMEN DON’T HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU, YOU LITTLE BOY! STOP BEING A STUPID PARTY POOPER AND LET THE POOR… Read more »
I don’t really think that very many men at all do it, because women freak the f*ck out if you so much as glance at them.
that’s probably because something like 1 in 4 women get raped like my sister did (which makes you wonder 1 in how many males rape) therefore, you could easily be a rapist. if you really need to look at women all the time then carry a picture of one around with you and don’t bother the people out in public by gawking at them and creeping people out.
“….1 in 4 women get raped like my sister did (which makes you wonder 1 in how many males rape…” A good question. Most rapists are extreme recidivists — they attack over and over and over till stopped, often racking up large victim counts. For those who attack adult women, they average 12 victims before being stopped; for those who molest girls, 51 victims; for those who molest boys, 150 victims. The 1 in 4 number has been debunked quite soundly — the real figure is much lower — but for the sake of this discussion, let’s pretend it’s true.… Read more »
Shut up.
I second that. This man Schwyzer is a fraud feminist who sells himself as a supporter of women’s interests. In reality he has no interest in empowering women. Everything about his work is about treating women as helpless infants that need protection from reality. His complete and utter ignorance of female psychology and sexuality is evidence for that. Yes, women often feel uncomfortable when gazed at. Yes, they often wish it didn’t happen. The reality is though that they, not only have a good degree of control over that gaze, but also that nearly all women would hate the thought… Read more »
The problem is not noticing an attractive woman or wanting to actually get to know her by talking to her. Whenever someone sits there staring at you like you’re a juicy peice of steak, like they want to eat you, it’s very uncomfotable and awkward. How do I know? I’ve had it done to me on many different occassions, that’s how. Women get creeped out because they don’t know if the guy staring at them is a rapist, muderer or other kind of psychopath. Or if he isn’t crazy, lacks the confidence to go up to her and talk to… Read more »
A LOT of men are shy around women – often due to many years of being rejected. Some of those guys have given up on dating, because they have been so scarred by all the rejection. However, these men aren’t eunuchs. So yes, they look, and fantasize about women they’ll never get in real life. You have no right to dictate to them that they are forbidden to fantasize about you or any other woman just because they have chosen to avoid humiliation by not trying to strike up a conversation. If they are touching you,or making rude comments, or… Read more »
However if they are following Hugo’s Three Second Rule,they have a right to look as much as they like, and to fantasize about those images. Gregory, please reread your words here: “They have a right to look as much as they like, and to fantasize about those images.” Think about what those words mean to the average woman, who has most likely experienced public harassment from adult men since her early adolescence. Right there in your sentence, you prioritize men’s right to look at women (or “images” as you refer to them) over Zeus’s (and other women’s) right to be… Read more »
You don’t have the right to stare at any woman! Nor to fantasize about her in any way! Who the hell do you think you are? Women, just like men, have the right to feel safe and comfortable at all times. Why do you suppose it’s a criminal act to threaten somebody? To stalk somebody? Those are crimes. Crimes, my friend! Because they make the one you stalk and threaten feel unsafe and uncomfortable. By ogling some poor woman who does not, on the lax end of it, signal that she is interested in talking to you by staring (not… Read more »
Make eye-contact. Then stare at her tits in the most lascivious, objectifying, you-are-a-piece-of-meat-I-want-to-fuck way you possibly can for a full three seconds. Then make eye-contact again and hold it. Problem solved. The trouble is that men check women out covertly. They are covert because they are ashamed. They are ashamed because when women catch them at it, they get upset. They get upset because men are being covert. These men fail the confidence test. When someone checks you out covertly, and does not meet your eye, you have no chance to respond. You can neither accept nor reject nor express… Read more »
Yikes, some strange man giving me an aggressive, lascivious look right in the eye would completely freak me out. Please keep your lascivious looks and thoughts to yourself. I don’t need or want to know about them.
Wow. Something tells me you either give or receive your information on women in little flashy ads on the internet.
If you looked at me in that way, I’d probably call you a pig.
Being tactful and friendly about it is hot.
Being forceful and aggressive is rape.
Sorry, I don’t want to be eye-raped by you.
DIE, YOU DISGUSTING PIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
other than the three second rule which under most circumstances is staring (unless the woman’s eyes are locked back on yours) and the part about suspicion of men’s desire. this was a pretty good guide for the young men on how to consciously look at a woman- especially the shifting the focus of the eyes part. a rare hugo article i broadly agree with and Im not a feminist.
I think that a lot of people here are misunderstanding the author’s “We live in a world that is deeply suspicious of male desire. Rightly so, I think.” Sure, some of the suspicion comes from a fear of violence – having a stranger leering at you is enough to sometimes make you feel unsafe – but I think that the bulk of it is a suspicion that you’re not being considered as a person. There’s been a lot of talk about objectification, but not a lot of people spend time on what, exactly, that means. To be seen as an… Read more »
Mark, this article is specifically referencing sexual objectification. That is what I was replying to. You’ll admit that sexual objectification is predominately of women, right? Articles like this are necessary because most sexual objectification is done by men towards women. Also, the number of men who die in wars is relatively small in relation to the population. Most men live their entire lives with no mutilation. Even so, I’m very anti-war in most instances and I’m all for women being allowed to serve in combat. I would never expect the burden of fighting for what is right to fall solely… Read more »
Mark, I’m not sure where this hostility is coming from. It would be great it we could both get on the same page and say that no one should objectify anyone – sexual or otherwise. The amount of violence in on TV and in movies is staggering and I would be all for reducing it. However, if you look at the demand for violence, most of it comes from men. Violent video games, movies, shows, etc. all have a predominately male audience. Media that objectifies women also has a predominately male audience. If you want to have a petition that… Read more »
What’s stopping the woman from paying her half if she knows there’s not going to be a date #2?
Nothing. Or at least there’s nothing stopping her from offering, the guy might not take it, but thats his problem then. The fact of the matter is there are plenty of women out there who are perfectly happy to apply only those “traditional” roles that benefit them. To deny this is to deny reality.
Lindsey, Sexual objectification is primarily BY women towards men. Men rarely objectify women who are clothed head to toe in burkas. Men objectify the whores and/or sluts who are featured on the cover of every Western magazine for (and written by) women. Men also objectify the highly paid sexual objects who tit and ass tease as swimsuit models for Sports Illustrated. Woman always have and always will use their OWN sexual objectification to ‘earn’ money, to steal superior patriarchal powers and to rape unequal attention because female sexual power is superior to male sexual power. As for war, you need… Read more »
You seem like a troll, so I’ll try to keep this short. Women shouldn’t have to wear a burka in order to not be considered an object. Anyone – even one wearing normal clothes – shouldn’t have to worry about being harassed. The women who use sexuality for financial gain are a very small portion of the population. Think about it in economic terms. If there were as many women willing to sell that there are men willing to buy, no one would make any money. If there were as many prostitutes as there were johns, who could make a… Read more »
Lindsey, finding female sexual objectification of men is not difficult. For instance, depending on how you define nudity, there is plenty of male sexual objectification in films. If you limit it to full frontal nudity, neither sex gets much screen time. If you broaden it to include a fully nude person with no frontal nudity, there is slightly more images of women than men. If you include being topless, it is about even. Was there any reason for the werewolf from Twilight to be half naked in the film other than to be jail-bait eye candy for 40-year-old women? There… Read more »
What you’re conveniently ignoring is that male nudity is not as sexuality as female nudity is. If a man can go without a shirt and not be seen as a sex object, that’s fine. You can’t mean that a shirtless guy on the street gets the same type of attention that a nearly naked woman in a strip club. It’s a completely different mentality. A shirtless man is rarely objectified in the way that a topless woman is. There is no ‘market’ for male nudity because women do not consider it a commodity. A man can be naked and not… Read more »
Let’s say looking at and fantasizing about a stranger on the street is forcing sexuality on that person without consent. Let’s say that if I do get consent from that person then it is acceptable for me to look and fantasize. I guess I have a litigious personality and a very literal mindset, because I’m wondering how I could get consent from a stranger without being quite rude and without incurring legal liability. If this is a legal matter, I would really prefer to get signed, written statement of consent. Would I need to see a lawyer to draft up… Read more »
What you’re conveniently ignoring is that male nudity is not as sexuality as female nudity is. That is not true. The difference lies in the responses to certain types of nudity and how nudity gets define. A shirtless man is just as half nude as a shirtless woman. However, our culture regards the nude female breast as taboo, so it prompts a different overt response. Yet the topless male is sexualized. It is regarded in our society as benign. If you look at clothing marketing, most of the ads feature topless or open-shirted men. Part of that may be to… Read more »
Women objectify men as much as men objectify women. The difference lies in how they do it and how socially acceptable it is. When women treat men as objects and tools, this gets reinforced by our culture. No one questions the notion that men ought to be living wallets or safety shields, nor do people question when women sexually objectify men and boys. Part of that is due to viewing women are harmless, but part of it also lies in assuming that men are not harmed by any of it. Society and the media support both sex’s objectification, so neither… Read more »