This dad was apprehensive when his young son wanted to wear a pink dress to the playground. Another dad’s reaction impressed him with the need to write about it. Here is the letter, dad to dad.
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Dear Other Dude at the Playground on Saturday –
I couldn’t fight the need to write you about an incident between our kids.Remember me? I was the dad with the son wearing a pink dress.
Before he burst onto the playground, and as I parked the car, he was positively vibrating. I asked, “Now…you’re sure you want to wear your dress?”
He shouted in response, “Yes! Because I want to show everyone how beautiful I am in this beautiful dress!”
It was a big deal for him; and for me.
He hasn’t asked to wear a dress “out,” before. I didn’t fight it. Who cares, right?
Or so we’d like to think.
As you noticed, he couldn’t contain his excitement showing off the dress to the only two kids playing…your daughter and her friend. He skipped and twirled and chased them for ten minutes shouting, “Do you like my dress? I’m wearing a dress! Can I play with you? Will you play with me?”
Remembering those ten minutes fills me with emotion…because his unencumbered joy thrilled me. He radiated happiness. He beamed like a sun, like a firework, like every clichéd metaphor for joy. Except it wasn’t a metaphor. It was glorious.
How I wish he could hold on to that pure excitement.
How I wish I could watch him be that thrilled every day of his life.
I’m sad because society somehow tamps down such delight. It’s embarrassing to the rest of us. Except behind closed doors, when do adults (or even teenagers) jump around with excitement? And some day even my little boy will probably be self-conscious about such excitement.
And of course, wearing a dress in public might not always bring him such unabashed joy.
Your daughter and her friend were obviously older and uninterested in welcoming a new playmate. (Especially one so desperate…nay, aggressive…in his playtime invitation.)
But my son continued, “Do you see my beautiful dress? It’s a Sleeping Beauty dress!”
Then my reticence was confirmed when your daughter walked by me saying to her friend, “I don’t want to play with a boy in a dress.”
I admit I wanted to trip her.
I think it’s safe to assume you’re a heterosexual father and you live in rural Connecticut. Parents probably don’t allow their kids to gender-bend. (You don’t even see it much in NYC.)
But when your daughter said to you, “Daddy, that boy is wearing a dress,” your response was a pure gold moment, for me: “Well…you’re wearing pants, aren’t you?”
I was touched and surprised by your compassion.
Like you, I just want my kids to be happy. And while I worry that wearing princess dresses might one day bring tears of betrayal for my son, right now, he loooooves to do so.
So, thank you.
Thank you for showing my son support for his choices.
Thank you for bringing more acceptance to your (understandably) inquisitive daughter.
I fully anticipate others insulting my boy’s self-expression. That obviously petrifies me. That’s what makes me tamp down (but not outlaw) the dresses. I want to protect my exuberant cherub from betrayal and shame for as long as possible. (I know that’s a losing battle, but still. A daddy can try.)
But more important that sadness is his self-expression. So we go with it and compliment him and encourage him, putting off that day of sadness for as long as possible.
And then we’ll deal with that.
So: thank you for encouraging my son’s joy.
You helped me be a better father, in turn.
Thanks, dude.
Daddy Coping in Style
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This post originally appeared on Daddy Coping in Style and is republished here with permission from the author.
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Your son is so cute and brave. Sadly, many people are still not ready to see folks dressing in a way that defies gender expectations. Hopefully next time he will be invited to play <3
Wonderful inspiring story! So happy you felt the joy “Remembering those ten minutes fills me with emotion…because his unencumbered joy thrilled me. He radiated happiness.” … I hope you’ve met more people communicating like this “dude” : positive, helping, no judging, simple. Love it!
Wonderful inspiring story! So happy you felt the joy “Remembering those ten minutes fills me with emotion…because his unencumbered joy thrilled me. He radiated happiness.” … I hope you’ve met more people communicating like this dude : positive, helping, no judging, simple. Love it!
Would love to help more people / dads doing so when feeling challenged.
This happens because of this: The nude body is frowned upon. I see people having that kind of happy excitement when they are allowed to be nude when clothed people are around. Not a sad face anywhere. Skin is an organ. It needs to breath. Testicles need to be cool, not being covered. The church wants people to fear clothing laws. Clothing becomes magic, changing nothing. I saw a video of nude people who were allowed to be nude in a library. The hallway had clothed people watching to one side Clothed people stood there like statues. Nude people were… Read more »
What does this have to do with the article lol
Sí pudiera copiar una parte de este mensaje sería, la de y tú usas pantalones, no es así… Bueno, puedo decir… Que complicado es… 💞
One of the most inspiring articles I have ever read
Gavin this was a truly touching story. I think our generation of children are growing up blind to gender, sex and race thanks in part to yourself and the father you wrote about. I am in the process of developing a website for fathers to get involved with their children, communities etc. I have great plans for this site for activities, tips, message boards for support, community fundraisers and much more. I have a guest blog section I am working on and I would love for you to write something or allow me to post this article. I hope you… Read more »
Such a simple but profound response, he gave his daughter. Brilliant.
Wonderful.
Love this. Don’t think I could have responded better than that other dad. Thanks for sharing
Speaking for myself I think it is progress on how people can be a bit less judgmental and think more deeply about what’s really important and what’s not. Homelessness, poverty, unemployment, malnutrition and low quality education is important. The fashion of your individual expression is not.
Nicely enough written.
You sound like you think of this as progress.
Great story about human joy, and of the real change in human thought, Gavin. 5 years ago, maybe even two, this probably wouldn’t have played out like this. But the fact that there was this other man, at random that you ran into, means that there must be alot more out there that are also thoughtful and intelligent. Not merely reactive. To me there are no inherent and absolute boy or girl toys, clothes, products or whatever. There is however marketing of toys, clothes and products to specific genders for of course their own purposes. By that they have convinced… Read more »
I bet a few generations behind us, some little girls got really upset because they wanted to wear pants, and society would not allow them ? My son just got an awesome pair of pantsfrom h&m girl section with a cat on it, and a black winter hat with a purple ponpon (same section). Gavin, I read you have a company selling baby gear. Though I did not see your products, here’s my question: Why is stuff for girls souch more creative, cute, colorful than for boys(only robots and dinos)? There’s something to do here, and I have pkenty of… Read more »
You and the other father on the playground perfectly model what it is to be a secure, loving MAN! Boys struggle with fear, but Men see the bigger picture, and show the courage to honor and respect those around them, especially their children. I send you my greatest respect as both of you are deeply Honorable Men and Great Fathers! Thank you for sharing your story.
Outstanding! Thanks for sharing a wonderful story!
Gavin thank you, thank you, a million thank yous to you and your son! The way you describe his pure joy and your delighting in it, is so exhilarating and as close as I can imagine we get to the beauty of God. You teach us Gavin. Thank you.
Great article, Gavin. Thank you for writing it.