9 Things I Want to Say (But Don’t) to Your Curious Yet Racially-Charged Microaggressions Against Me & My Children

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About Grace Biskie

Lioness-hearted, big dreaming, Jesus following, wifey, Mama, writer, speaker, advocate & community activist. Detroit enthusiast. Naturalista. #AlwaysHope. @gracebiskie

Comments

  1. fluffyrhino says:

    Your children are beautiful, and you sound like a wonderful, loving mother!

  2. Yes Grace i totally understand as well. I’m black, I’m a nice dark brown color skin, and my son is half white (German/Irish) and the black part (me) is Haitian. He is often mistaken as hispanic. But I do come across hurtful statements ppl make. The #1 I used to get, just like you said, was being mistaken for his nanny, because I’m black and he’s so light skinned. But when he’s with his father they fit together like a puzzle. Theones who always have to ask too are white ppl. They always just straight up say “Oh he’s so cute! Are you the babysitter?” And I just look at them like they’re freaking ignorant and tell them, “NO, that’s my son!!” At least with everyone else they’ll just think it and guess the whole time, but the white ppl are always the ones to ask like they just HAVE to know! Its also hurtful hearing ppl constantly tell me Oh he didn’t look like you at all! He look just like his father, he look just like his father, laughing like that’s nothing. And this includes black and hispanic folk. But he does but he does have done traits of mine too. And he has my personality as will as his fathers. And when you compare my baby picture with his we look totally the same, same big smile, fat face, and round head lol, just different colors. But i think they’re quick to say its all his dad because they’re the same complexion almost and I’m so much darker.. Hearing what happened to you is so painful. I would have def sued the airport and press charges on that woman for kidnapping herself, trying to go off with my son!

    • I’ve been asked if I’m the nanny or introduced as the nanny by black and white people. Maybe that’s New York but I don’t find the rude assumption limited by race although I do know that it may be neighborhood dependent. My daughter’s half brother’s mom is Dominican and says while she gets stares, she’s never been asked the nanny question regarding her son who is pale/blue-eyed/bright blonde whereas her aunt who takes her son everywhere around the city has been asked. I think mommy hasn’t been asked because she doesn’t take him out of Washington Heights often (Wash Heights is a predominantly Dominican nabe in Manhattan). If she took him 4 stops south or lower on the subway often, she’d probably be asked or seriously assumed to be his nanny by ppl of many races/ethnicities. I also find that no Latino/a has ever asked me if or seemed to stare and assume that I’m the nanny; they “solve” the equation immediately and either say nothing, just tell me how blessed I am to have a white child, tell me how beautiful my kid is, or ask, “Your husband is white, right?”. I think this is because Latino/as are used to biological family members looking a rainbow of difference and are very used to plenty of “dark” mommies with “white” biological children. *”dark” is relative; here I use it in comparison to white as I know many black people would not consider the author, Grace or me to be dark.

  3. So sorry that this as happened to you and apparently so many others. It makes me so sad. I am a dark skinned Mexican woman whose children are very white. I have never had this experience and am not sure what would do if I did. The closest is when my oldest was in kindergarten a little girl did not believe that I was her mom at first. It was a little upsetting for my daughter, but explained it to her= and she was okay.

  4. The ignorance and unkindness of strangers is only surpassed by some family members who make it a point to point out that your child looks “different”.

    When my son was small I used to ask people who inquired about our relationship, if they were “lookin” for a loss child .
    That served to shut them up

  5. Your family is beautiful. Period.

  6. I just wanted to say that your older son (2nd grade: 2nd grade photos) looks just like you did as a kid. Also, hating this for you and it scares me that I might go through that airport situation or stranger asking to justify mother connection situation; most of the rest I’ve already been through and it does hurt like hell. I’m glad my daughter hasn’t been old enough to understand yet. May the Creator continue to bless you and your family.

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  1. […] This article provides some keen insight into the challenges biracial families face. If you take the time to read it, you’ll quickly see the importance for churches to provide safe places for these diverse families. […]

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