A lot of people would have moved. Shanell Mouland is grateful to the man who didn’t.
Dear “Daddy,”
I don’t know your name, but Kate called you “daddy” for the entire flight last week and you kindly never corrected her. In fact, you didn’t even flinch as you could probably tell that she was not confusing you with her own “daddy,” but instead making a judgment regarding your level of “safety” for her. If she calls you “daddy” then you better believe she thinks you are alright.
I sat Kate, my 3-year-old who has autism, in the middle seat knowing full well that there would be a stranger sitting next to her for the duration of this flight. I had to make a quick decision and based on her obsession with opening and closing the window shade, I figured she might be less of a distraction if she sat in the middle. I watched the entire Temple basketball team board the plane, and wondered if one of these giants might sit by Kate. They all moved toward the back. She would have liked that, she would have made some observations that I would have had to deal with, but she would have liked those players. I watched many Grandmotherly women board and hoped for one to take the seat but they walked on by. For a fleeting moment I thought we might have a free seat beside us, and then you walked up and sat down with your briefcase and your important documents and I had a vision of Kate pouring her water all over your multi-million dollar contracts, or house deeds, or whatever it was you held. The moment you sat down, Kate started to rub your arm. Your jacket was soft and she liked the feel of it. You smiled at her and she said: “Hi, Daddy, that’s my mom.” Then she had you.
You could have shifted uncomfortably in your seat. You could have ignored her. You could have given me that “smile” that I despise because it means; “manage your child please.” You did none of that. You engaged Kate in conversation and you asked her questions about her turtles. She could never really answer your questions but she was so enamored with you that she kept eye contact and joint attention on the items you were asking her about. I watched and smiled. I made a few polite offers to distract her, but you would have none of it.
Kate: (Upon noticing you had an iPad) Is dis Daddy’s puduter?
You: This is my iPad. Would you like to see it?
Kate: To me?????? (I know she thought you were offering it to her to keep)
Me: Look with your eyes, Kate. That is not yours.
Kate: Dat’s nice!
You: (Upon noticing that Kate had an iPad) I like your computer, too. It has a nice purple case.
Kate: Daddy wanna be a bad guy? (She offered shredder to you and that, my friend, is high praise)
You: Cool.
The interaction went on and on and you never once seemed annoyed. She gave you some moments of peace while she played with her Anna and Elsa dolls. Kind of her to save you from playing Barbies, but I bet you wouldn’t have minded a bit. I bet you have little girls, too.
Not long before we landed Kate had reached her limit. She screamed to have her seatbelt off, she screamed for me to open the plane door and she cried repeating, “Plane is cwosed (closed)” over and over. You tried to redirect her attention to her toys. She was already too far gone at this point, but the fact that you tried to help your new little friend made me emotional.
In case you are wondering, she was fine the moment we stepped off the plane. Thank you for letting us go ahead of you. She was feeling overwhelmed and escaping the plane and a big, long hug was all she needed.
So, thank you. Thank you for not making me repeat those awful apologetic sentences that I so often say in public. Thank you for entertaining Kate so much that she had her most successful plane ride, yet. And, thank you for putting your papers away and playing turtles with our girl.
photo courtesy of author
Originally published at HuffingtonPost
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That was really sweet. It made my eyes water and I am not sure why.
Please remember that the reason mums AND dads can be wary of men is because of paedophiles who target places where children go. I once had to call the police because a man was masturbating in the bushes next to the children’s play area, looking directly at the children’s play area. I was with my 3 very young children at the time so couldn’t do any more than shout and call the police. You bet next time I went there I was checking out all the men in and around the play area – that’s not paranoia, that’s a reasonable… Read more »
oboyoboyoboy, you also shouldn’t blame men who feel like you are stalking or harassing them for the crime of being male in public when you were “checking out all the men” on the basis of one experience with a different man. Assuming guilt by gender or getting in people’s business tends to piss them off a bit. They have a perfect right to feel free and safe around you as well. If you are busy checking them out in public solely on the basis of gender, I wonder how that makes you look to others observing your creepy behavior in… Read more »
Thanks first to another man who did exactly what I would and have done in similar situations… for me, one of the beauties of living in safe Boulder, CO is that if a kid speaks to me — in Whole Foods, or at the gym, even in the jacuzzi — I can comfortably verbally engage without the paranoia that Nick and Archy sadly describe so well. The second best part: the parent usually appreciatively smiles and we have a brief easy talk about kids (of which, I am increasingly sorry to say, I have none..). Second, thanks, Shanell, for appreciating… Read more »
A lovely story. A good man, indeed. It’s an example of how flight can bring out either the ‘best’ or the ‘worst’ in people. Your Kate sounds like a real cutie.
Further more, i call BS on most of the women saying that i wish more men did this. As a part time stay at home dad, i’ve seen the way mothers look at me when i walk into the playground, the only dad there, the way they all look at you with suspicion, the way they all move a little closer to their children, the way they move their children to another part of the park because there’s a man down by the swings talking to kids. I was at the beach with my 3y/o daughter yesterday, having a great… Read more »
i’m willing to bet most men would love to do the same thing, but society has made it very difficult for them. I love kids, have one of my own and another on the way, and am a trained teacher, but even so, i’m not sure i’d be willing to play with someone else’s kid just because of the way you might get treated. In Australia, airlines have a policy that unaccompanied children can’t sit next to men on their plane journey. They’re fine to sit next to women, but if they happen to be sitting next to a man,… Read more »
To the author and GMP, thanks for sharing this.
Nice to have a amiable fellow passenger when you’re traveling with children.
I sometimes experience things like this, where kids are a bit too “familiar” with me, too soon. It worries me – not for me, but for the kid. Not a big deal, and I wouldn’t protest, but I would privately worry.
Lars and Archy, I agree, men do get viewed suspiciously, but since this was a close, easily monitored space, I’ll bet that even if the guy would have had reservations elsewhere, the situation probably worked in his favor.
Hee, that’s adorable ^_^
Beautiful.
Sounds like a decent catch 😉
I wouldn’t feel comfy playing with a kid like that due to pedophilia hysteria although I wish I could without being seen as a monster. It’s becoming so rare for adult men to interact with kids that aren’t theirs because of this.
Whoever he was, he is an admirable man. Thank you for sharing this moment.
How little it takes, really, for us to connect. The kindness of strangers, indeed. I hope “Daddy in 16c” reads your thank you.
Lovely.