Gay superdad Jerry Mahoney isn’t sure what to say when his toddler son wants to wear a dress.
Originally appeared at MommyMan: Adventures of a Gay Superdad
If you’re wondering whether gay parents are more likely to raise gay kids, you should know that my 2 1/2 year-old daughter has already announced that she wants to marry a boy when she grows up. No particular boy, not at this point, just “a boy”.
Where did she get this crazy idea that you can marry, you know, people of the opposite sex? I blame Disney movies. Ariel and Eric, Tiana and Naveen, Beauty and the Beast. Daddy and Daddy just can’t compete with love stories like those, especially without any Menken-penned showtunes of our own for her to dance along to.
I’ve even reminded her that girls can marry girls, at least here in New York. No thanks, she’s marrying a boy. And her brother is going to marry a girl.
So she says.
Like most boys his age, Bennett hasn’t shown much interest yet in marrying anyone, of either gender. But he does want to wear a dress. Badly. Lately, he’s been asking me every day.
I read absolutely nothing into this, of course. It’s not like either of his dads was ever into the drag thing, but he certainly hears about dresses an awful lot. His twin sister is obsessed with them and gets a lot of attention for them, so I don’t blame him for thinking something magical will happen if he puts one on. He’d definitely get a lot of attention.
Of course, that’s my fear. I don’t care if the kid wears a dress, whether or not it ends up being something he wants to do when he gets older. But I know if he wears a dress to the playground or the zoo, some schmuck kid (or, perhaps more likely, grown-up) will feed him that nonsense that “boys don’t wear dresses”.
If that happens, it might not be a big deal. He might go, “Oh, really? They don’t? Why didn’t you tell me that, Daddy?” Then again, he might cry. I’m just not ready for the world to teach my kid shame. I grew up in the closet myself, albeit a slightly different one, and I don’t want that to happen to him. For now, I don’t even want him to know there is a closet.
So when he asks me to wear a dress, I don’t say no. I tell him he can do it “later” (as in when we’re not going outside for a while).
“Later” also means when he’s old enough to understand how other people might react. And if he wants to wear dresses anyway, then I’ll have his back—plunging, ruffled or otherwise.
I’ll also remind him that he can marry whomever he wants, no matter what society—or his sister—might tell him.
Image of clothes for a little girl courtesy of Shutterstock
I say it’s OK for A boy to wear a dress any color any style in any length he wants to wear any place you or he want to go– I think boys look cute cute cute cute/pretty pretty pretty pretty in dresses it also skirts too any color length– It is OK it is OK I do not see anything wrong with it
http://www.advocate.com/society/modern-families/2012/08/28/dad-wears-dress-solidarity-dress-loving-son?fb_comment_id=fbc_10151144134906940_23687456_10151144357131940
It’s so timely that I saw this. Just last night my (just turned) 4 year old son was wearing a dress his older sister had outgrown. He kept dodging my camera, but I got him. He was SO cute in it! He has his fingernails & toenails painted everytime his big sister wears any. My now 16 year old son wore dresses at home periodically until he was 3, and had his fingernails painted until going to school. And then he decided it was ok if we just painted his toenails. My homosexual brother never wore dresses as a child… Read more »
this month he wants to wear a dress, next month he will want to be dragon. thats how kids are at that age. almost certainly his desire to wear a dress is just a fleeting fad.
if you do allow yr son to wear a dress at that age, only allow him to do it inside your house. theres no reason for unnecessary scorn over a passing passion
Except that it may not be a passing passion. There is plenty of evidence that gender identity is firmly in place in early childhood. It could just be who the kid is…and I wonder how problematic it is to teach your child that it’s only okay to be themselves behind closed doors.
just because the child wants to wear a dress, that does not say anything about the child’s gender identity.
No, but it could. Or it could not. That’s kind of my point…I think that teaching children that the only place for non-normative gendered behaviour is in private is a bad thing. I totally understanding wanting to protect kids from ridicule and judgemental behaviour. I get that. But that just tells the kid that there’s something shameworthy or at least embarassing about not performing your gender “correctly.”
no, your point was something different
Except that it may not be a passing passion. There is plenty of evidence that gender identity is firmly in place in early childhood.
it does appear that you were saying if it is not a passing passion, then the dressing was an expression not of ‘non-normative gendered behaviour’ (im gonna watch your hands when you shuffle a pack of cards from now on) but of ‘gender identity’
Jameseq, I just did a whole set of articles on gender and gender identity, etc. Heck, mate, I even was conciliatory about my treatment of the terms trans-man, trans-woman, cis-man, cis-woman, etc. in part because of your comment on my article. So keep that in mind when I tell you I just failed to elaborate what I meant in that particular sentence, assuming you’d figure it out. And that was my fault cuz obviously you’re not a mind reader…unless you are and then WOAH. 🙂 Seriously, though, I just didn’t explain it fully is all.
Seriously, though, I just didn’t explain it fully is all.
i thought that was what happened, so im glad i prefaced my wording with ‘it does appear that you were saying’
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best line ever! … that’s all a kid needs, for the parents to have his back …. my son (who has a twin sister) out grew his penchant for hair bows, hair clips and anything pink all together too quickly for me ….
then I’ll have his back—plunging, ruffled or otherwise.
somehow the above quote was left out ….that’s the best line ever!
my ex husband wanted to wear a dress as a child. this came out in our custody evaluation. his parents didn’t allow it, shamed him. we had 3 kids and had been married for over a dozen years before i discovered that he was a bisexual transvestite (cheating on me with both men and women). your child is who he is, he’ll either remember you supporting that, or not. just a thought.
I’d say find a decent place where he can wear a dress and let him wear one. I wore one a bunch of times — I thought it was really REALLY cool how when you’d spin around in circles it would “swoosh” out. I also found it awesome how easy it made going to the bathroom. No zippers, no buttons, just up and you’re good to go! With that said, you should probably still have the “boys don’t generally wear dresses and other people may look at you funny because you are” conversation if you want to do it. I’m… Read more »
Colin,
a safe option is the kilt.
it seems kilts have always intrigued the desires of women 😉
[kilt plates from 1815]
http://bit.ly/KbdUos
http://bit.ly/LtrlCQ
http://bit.ly/KbePVS
let those of us who can ‘afford’ to be murdered do what we must
(the murder rate for trans people according to the feministcritics site, from memory is ten times greater than the average. so male crossdressers can not be far behind)