My Summer Boyfriends

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About Tom Matlack

Tom Matlack is the co-founder of The Good Men Project. He has a 18-year-old daughter and 16- and 7-year-old sons. His wife, Elena, is the love of his life. Follow him on Twitter @TMatlack.


  1. Nice Tom. I resonate.

  2. Mervyn Kaufman says:

    When Nancy and I married, she let me know that our relationship with couples I’d known well in my bachelor days would depend largely on her kinship with their wives. This meant that a number of former relationships gradually fell by the wayside. As a single man, I had a number of “best friends,” here in NYC and also on the West Coast, where I was raised. But over the years the male-male intimacy I’d once known and probably depended on—for support and affirmation—gradually evaporated. There are only a couple of men with whom I communicate regularly; one is married, one is gay (I’ve known him since I was 8 and he was 9). The other men in my life are spouses of my wife’s friends. Oddly, I don’t miss the intimacy, those soul-searching conversations over good scotch that once seemed so important. Shit, maybe it’s age—I don’t know. I comprehend what Tom’s saying but don’t really share his urges.

  3. Jeffrey Henderson says:

    Okay, I’m available for surfing anytime to get away from the lineup. You just have to increase the length of your swim trunks (the ladies have been talking amongst themselves that they are too short).

  4. i find the strong seasonality of your relationships interesting. i wonder if that will change for me as i get older. i’m only 36 and my oldest kid is 9. perhaps when my kids are more impacted by summers off from school and summer activities, i’ll so follow.

    i still long for those intimate, soul-searching conversations with other males, as Kaufman mentioned. that yearning hasn’t waned at all for me. but the challenge for me is life gets in the way of a good bromance. my best friend lives over 900 miles away. we both are raising kids and have demanding jobs, which leaves little time nor energy… nor both. my very few local bromances happen in fits and spurts. some keep up this emotional wall that is too common with men. if scheduling conflicts weren’t enough, the wives of my male friends do not click with my wife for one reason or another. and the husbands of my wife’s friends do not click with me.

    anyway… great essay. well written. i’m quite a fan of this site, though this is my first post.

  5. Christopher Rivers says:

    There seems to be a real pattern of male/male friendships, even close ones, just fizzling out. Women’s friendships tend have more staying power; when they do end, it’s usually for a reason (as opposed to just sort of running out of gas). Why?

    Is it because men are less likely to acknowledge, to themselves or each other, how much those friendships mean to them? Is it because men’s friendships so often have to be based, at least ostensibly, on some shared activity or interest rather than just mutual affection and respect?

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