Never to Be Sold Again

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About Cameron Conaway

Cameron Conaway, Executive Editor at The Good Men Project, is a former MMA fighter and an award-winning poet. He is the author of Caged: Memoirs of a Cage-Fighting Poet, Bonemeal: Poems and Until You Make the Shore. Conaway is on the Editorial Board at Slavery Today. Follow him on Google+ and on Twitter: @CameronConaway.

Comments

  1. SnakeEyez says:

    While this story is very insightful and interesting I am wondering why this was classified as a sex/relationship story? Maybe gmp needs a few more categories…

  2. In my experience, Patrick Cooper’s remarks prove true. Children who experience neglect or abuse by their mothers tend to have difficulty forms bonds. I think part of the reason for this is because of the nature of the bond between mother and child. The mother is usually the first person the child learns to bond with. If that bond is damaged, destroyed, or impeded, then the child may never learn how to properly bond with people at all.

    It takes a long time to break through that. Speaking from personal experience, I still have difficulty forming bonds with people. I can fake my way through most of general associations, but it is still a challenge for me to connect with people on an emotional level.

    Dr. Edward Day’s conclusion also matches my experience. People do tend to respond in anger when they hear about abuse. However, I do not think it is just because the abuse impacts their view of the world. I think it is also because they think that punishing the person will make the victim feel better. That reaction may confuse some victims, though. Some of the men and boys I have spoken with questioned their own feelings because they were not nearly as angry at their abusers as other people were. It made some of them feel more guilty and ashamed.

    On a related note, in the article it is mentioned that victims go on to be abusers. This is not true. While many abusers were victims of abuse, most victims of abuse do not become abusers. Those that do usually do so because the problems they experienced were never addressed or treated. There is not a vampire effect where if a child is abused he will go on to abuse others. That distinction is really important because many victims of abuse end up thinking of themselves as untrustworthy or dangerous because of this false perception.

  3. Jacobtk, I think the neglect or abuse of a mother OR father to a child is damaging. My father wasn’t abusive but he wasn’t around much because he was always working. And when he was done with work, he was so tired physically, mentally and emotionally. I spent too many years seeking attention and validation from boys and men that didn’t care much about me other then to get their needs met first. And I was so desperate for any kind of attention, I happily took it. I am not saying that my situation was nearly as bad as child sex slavery. I am just pointing out that mothers and fathers are equally important to the development of a child on the emotional front, even if mothers provide the sustenance.

    Cameron, what a beautiful article. Child sex crimes are something people don’t much want to talk about because it makes them so umcomfortable. But we need to talk about. Because the people envovled with child sex crimes aren’t just creepy people dressed in black in their basements. They can be teachers, doctors, lawyers, men or women. I once read a stastitc that the child porn industry was a 3 billion dollar one. How awful is that?

    • Mothers and fathers are equally important to the development of children, but when it comes to abuse, abuse committed by women, especially mothers, tends to have more impact on a child.

      • Abuse committed by any parent, male or female, is determental to a child. And if you are going to qualify abuse by women as “worse”, then you can’t also claim that you think fathers are equally important to the development of a child. Because by saying that abuse committed by mothers is worse, then you are also saying that mothers are more imiportant to the development of chidlren then fathers. Catch 22 you have there Jacobtk.

        • Natasha says:

          Erin…

          Yes ANY kind of abuse is detrimental, but what you seem to be refusing to understand, is that maternal abuse and parenting style have their own UNIQUE negative consequences.

          Have a look –

          http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/12/the-science-of-success/7761/

          • There is new research from Norway that suggests that female pedophiles cause more damage than the male counter-parts, article here
            htt p://translate.google.com/translate?js=n&prev=_t&hl=sv&ie=UTF-8&layout=2&eotf=1&sl=sv&tl=en&u=http://genusnytt.wordpress.com/2011/06/14/kvinnliga-pedofiler-orsakar-barn-storre-skada/

            • Natasha, the thesis of the article is in regards to parenting in general, genes and the affects of negative or positive parenting. However, there is nothing in there that says abuse committed by mothers is worse vs abuse committed by fathers.

              So I am not so sure what you think you are proving because I completely acknowledge that abusive mothers gravely hurt their children However that wasn’t the complete conversation Jacob and I where having which has more to do with abusive mothers vs abusive fathers and one being “worse” then the other.

              A Man, please send that story to a child abuse victim that was harmed by an adult man and see what they have to say about it.

            • That’s a silly and emotional argument Erin. My showing that article to a victim of a male pedophile won’t change the results of the research in any way. I can tell you are a good girl mean well bit discounting the research and if its correct, the lived experience of victims of female pedophiles, who tend to be younger when targeted and related to their abusers isn’t fair.

            • Which part was “silly and emotional” A Man? I completely expect that you won’t be able to answer this because there is nothing silly or emotional in my argument. Our conversation had nothing to do with “changing the results of the “research” of your article. Qualifying abuse? Come on. I can’t even get the link to your article to come up so who knows if it even really is there. But if you want to be clearer about the link, please post it again so I can see it.

              I still stand by my statement. Ask a person abused by a woman in their childhood and ask a person abused by a man in their childhood and the outcome is still the same: horrific abuse. Period. Qualifying that people abused by women is *worse* is purposely misleading and demeaning to anyone that suffered abuse by a male.

            • Erin.

              You are making an emotional argument, you are saying that I shouldn’t repeat what the article is saying about female pedophiles because it might upset victims of male pedophiles.

              Here, follow this link, there are links from it to both the original article and a translation.

              “‘Women who are sexually abusing children causing their victims more injuries than men. It writes the Norwegian newspaper Bergens time. They quote four researchers at the Psychology Faculty at the University of Bergen, who has written an article about it in the Journal of the Norwegian Psychological Association.
              Women abuse is similar to those of male sex offenders, writes Bergen’s time, but women’s abuse often occurs in close relationships, and, therefore, more detrimental to the children.’
              htt p://www.misandryreview.com/mens-activism-news/2011/06/14/norway-female-pedophiles-cause-children-more-harm/

            • Yeah, I said no such thing A man. What I did say is that you should ask someone abused by a man if they were less affected by that abuse then someone abused by a woman, and see what they say. Directly from the source. I do not believe abuse commited by a woman is “worse” than by a man. Just as I don’t believe abuse commited by a man is “worse” then by a woman. Abuse commited by any one, man or woman, toward a child is disturbing and disgusting. Qualifying that one is worse then other is akin to saying that it’s a little more okay when one gender abuses someone over the other.

              I did get the link to work this time and got a chance to read the article. There was nothing all that conclusive in the article. It says nothing about the type of questions they were asked, how many abused victims where asked, how the abuse was determined, and the relationships to the victims of either men or women. The article gives none of this information. It also doesn’t give any information on how women cause more injuries to their victims then men. And the outcome of how abuse victims from women turn out vs abuse victims from men.

              Now I do agree that abuse committed by women is probably under reported. By how much, I don’t know. But to qualify that abuse committed by women is “worse” then abuse committed by men is fool hardy.

  4. child sex slavery is bad. The gmp has some balls saying it. Who else but everyone on earth would challenge the child sex slavery imaginary juggernaut?

    • I know, Joe. Isn’t it brave of people to take a stand on this horrible issue? I mean, it’s not like the U.S. pumps 80 million dollars annually into this issue and finds, on the average, 200 children being pimped each year (that’s an expenditure of 400,000 bucks per kids, folks. Remember that next time they’re talking about budget cuts taking out schools in your neighborhood).

      I’m particularly impressed with the number of celebrities, ex-celebrites and almost, would-be celebrities who’ve discovered this issue when their careers need sprucing up.

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  6. People should read the article linked below. Now.

    http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.miaminewtimes.com%2F2011-11-03%2Fnews%2Flost-boys-child-sex-trafficking-research-demolishes-the-stereotype%2F&h=FAQEKK_stAQGQbVdnzFFQwwn5Q7QZQXLYbvk95REe5wDtnw

    TL;DR version: of the probable 3000 minors in New York, selling sex, only 10% have a pimp or are in what could be called a trafficking situation.

    If you’re interested in helping kids who are in sex work, the first place to start is taking a long hard look at the conditions most of them face.

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  1. [...] [READ MORE HERE] Share this:EmailPrintFacebook Intl News Facebookfacebook TwitterTwitter stumbleuponstumbleupon del.icio.usdel.icio.us Buzz [...]

  2. [...] place for people to meet before they go elsewhere. As I sat there waiting to be picked up by Ricky Tan, founder of Care Corner Orphanage, I couldn’t believe what came out of their public announcement [...]

  3. [...] social media creating the laziest generation?” Sure, several publications told me to take Never to be Sold Again elsewhere because it was “too long for contemporary readers,” and this made me think of how [...]

  4. [...] to Chiang Mai, Thailand, to meet with Ricky Tan, the founder of the renowned Care Corner Orphanage. Click here to read the full article. Here’s an [...]

  5. Man Food says:

    [...] place for people to meet before they go elsewhere. As I sat there waiting to be picked up by Ricky Tan, founder of Care Corner Orphanage, I couldn’t believe what came out of their public announcement [...]

  6. [...] State alum or fan or not. WE ARE missing the point. As Penn State Criminology professor Ed Day told me: Love for the victim is what’s needed to break through their alienation. Instead, because the [...]

  7. [...] State alum or fan or not. WE ARE missing the point. As Penn State Criminology professor Ed Day told me: Love for the victim is what’s needed to break through their alienation. Instead, because the [...]

  8. [...] I’ve studied will ever crush me as much as watching the innocent 6-year-olds play hopscotch while knowing that they’d been raped for years and now had HIV as a result. If “the test of a first-rate intelligence,” as F. [...]

  9. [...] my visit to Care Corner Orphanage in Thailand I was shocked that most of the HIV-infected sex slave [...]

  10. [...] – Never To Be Sold Again: Breaking the Cycle of Child Sex Slavery [...]

  11. […] Never To Be Sold Again: Breaking the Cycle of Child Sex Slavery […]

  12. […] incapable of relating no matter how hard they tried. I saw some shit while I was abroad. Groups of boys with HIV. Disabled children sold as sex slaves. Men dying at the shipbreaking yards. On a daily basis my […]

  13. […] incapable of relating no matter how hard they tried. I saw some shit while I was abroad. Groups of boys with HIV. Disabled children sold as sex slaves. Men dying at the shipbreaking yards. On a daily basis my […]

  14. […] when we hear traumatic stories such as those from Somaly Mam or of the young boys in Chiang Mai who have HIV as a result of being passed around as sex slaves. The voices of the survivors must remain at the forefront so […]

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