Are you a recent grad? Do you need work? There’s a farm out there with your name on it.
We know it’s a tough world out there for recent graduates from America’s most elite and expensive private institutions. They’re confined to the daily monotony of sitting poolside, iPad—wait, make that a Kindle, iPads are bad in the sun—in hand, while a lucky select few of their friends work 12-hour days at investment banking firms.
Do not fret, new additions to the unemployment statistics. The world has been harsh on you. You’ve acted exquisitely, not taking any of what’s been given to you for granted. You don’t deserve the daily horror of waking up at noon. There’s finally a job for you, a job that you deserve.
Say hello to the farming industry.
Undocumented workers account for a large chunk of the work force in America’s farming industry. The United Farm Workers don’t like that, so they’re opening up their jobs to you, the documented American citizen.
We know how hard it’s been to watch movies on demand, to not read anything longer than three pages, and to have your mom make fabulous dinners for you. All you have to do now is sign up at Takeourjobs.org and apply for an application. Mail it in and a farm worker should contact you within a matter of days, ready to offer you work.
It’s time to make some money and get away from that monotonous grind. You’ll get to use a knife, a hoe, or a shovel. You’ll set up irrigation equipment, and you’ll weed and till. You’ll work in scorching hot temperatures and driving rain, bending, lifting, and carrying things as heavy as fifty pounds.
Some 4, 000 people have registered thus far. Only three have taken jobs. That’s because they see strenuous days with low wages as not being worth it, but they’re not you.
You’re a recent graduate and life has been tough since May. The last time you got paid was for graduating, and that’s all gone thanks to the month you spent raging in Prague. It’s time to trade the putter for a plow and get out into the field. Go ahead. Live a little.