Today I am outsourcing this “blogging” thing to other people who have more interesting things to say than I do.
Scientific American would like to inform you that men and women are both, in fact, from Earth:
Finally, when talking about evolved differences in behavior between males and females one cannot make statements like “when it comes to personality men and women belong to two different species” without noting the biological reality that we are, indeed, the same species. There are no consistent brain differences between the sexes, there is incredible overlap in our physiological function, we engage in sexual activity in more or less the same patterns, and we overlap extensively in most other behavior as well. There are some interesting re-occurring differences, particularly in patterns of aggression and certain physiological correlates of reproduction, muscle density, and body size. However, anthropological datasets show enormous complexity in how and why men and women behave the ways that they do. Studies in human biology and anthropology regularly demonstrate a dynamic flexibility and complex biocultural context for all human behavior, and this is especially true for gender.
A trans man discusses why other trans men shouldn’t reclaim the word “tranny,” because that’s a thing for trans women and other people who have to deal with transmisogyny!
Trans brothers, dear dear dear men, whom I respect and look up to and adore, allow me to quote noted gender theorist Inigo Montoya:
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
I’m writing this because there’s been tons of talk about this slur recently. Trans men, some of them high profile, using tr*nny, trans women calling them on it, trans men demanding that they have a right to say it, et cetera. So before I start the serious stuff, I want to say that I’m not who you should listen to. This is really a trans women’s issue. You should listen to trans women. But they are already talking, and from your reactions, it’s clear we need to talk about this. From one trans guy to a bunch of others.
Trigger Warning The New York Times is talking about the rape of men, and running a remarkably sensitive story, despite the Gray Lady’s apparent belief that “forced to penetrate” is not rape.
Like women, men who are raped feel violated and ashamed and may become severely depressed or suicidal. They are at increased risk forsubstance abuse, problems with interpersonal relationships, physical impairments, chronic pain, insomnia and other health problems.
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad freeBut men also face a challenge to their sense of masculinity. Many feel they should have done more to fight off their attackers. Since they may believe that men are never raped, they may feel isolated and reluctant to confide in anyone. Male rape victims may become confused about their sexual orientation or, if gay and raped by a man, blame their sexual orientation for the rape.
“If you’re sexually assaulted, there’s this idea that you’re no longer a man,” said Neil Irvin, executive director of the organization Men Can Stop Rape. “The violence is ignored, and your sexual orientation and gender are confronted.”
Talk about this stuff! Or don’t. Life is short.
Rape of young boys is the reason I stood by public bathroom doors until my son came out until he got his 3rd degree Black Belt in Tai Kwan Do and reached his full adulthood of 21! As a female, I was always educated and made aware, still am, of female vulnerabilites, but never forgot the vulnerabilities of everyone to sexual violence. I appreciate all your research in posting these connected links, which are very informative and thought-provoking, here today.
@Daisy: “Where did I deny there was a meme?” When did you deny there was such a meme? Don’t worry I shall endeavor to answer this question. “When you declare there is a “don’t hit girls meme”–you declare something as a fact. When I challenge you to correct it, you don’t. You reiterate it.” Most explicitly here. You say the meme was asserted as fact. Then you say that it could be corrected. If it is correct it can’t be corrected, therefore the only interpretation is that you claimed the assertion that there is said meme was incorrect. ““He hit… Read more »
Jim: Your not from some backward Mediterranean androcentric culture, you’re one of us. You most definitely knew about this because you saw boys getting beaten half to death by their dads for daring to defend themsleves against girls because hitting girls was a wussy thing to do. I can remember this a couple of times, but mostly, I remember none of us telling on the boys. (I know other girls did, but we looked down on them as sissies!) We were thought to have invited it, at least, I always heard “What did you do to make them mad?”–so I… Read more »
Where did I deny there was a meme? Yall need to learn to READ CAREFULLY. What I said is, it is not universal and does not apply to everyone… rather like that “success white man” meme that Lamech is mentioning, which had nothing to do with my father, even though he was unmistakably a blond, green-eyed white man. Just like you guys don’t like “all men—” (blah blah blah) –I don’t like universal statements/truisms applied to all girls and women, especially if they DO exclude me. All women are frilly, feminine and overprotected and all men are bullies! right. Lets… Read more »
@debaser71, are you thinking of what I’m thinking? Psychology Today, perhaps?
From the SciAm article: “My concern is not so much with some good back and forth in the peer reviewed literature, rather it is with the blogospheres’ and the public’s response to the article and to yet another flare-up in over simplistic assertions about the way that men and women “are” by nature. There is something about avidly trying to prove men and women are different, or the same, that makes people lose their mind a bit. No matter how much some want it to be true, it is just not that simple; there are no clear cut and easy… Read more »
Just because some people do, in fact, hit girls, doesn’t mean that “don’t hit girls” isn’t also a thing…
I can tell you, I learned of this “Don’t hit girls” meme the hard way. As a kid, my family moved into a new neighborhood where there was an older girl (1 -2 years our senior) who had a habit of bullying the younger boys and girls (hey at least she was an equal opportunity abuser). one day at school she selected me as the target. I had never had to fight before so I had never even heard of this meme. Anyways, she starts hitting me, so I fought back and punched her in the face. HOO boy, mistake… Read more »
“Schala: And who now enjoys female privilege protecting her from overt violence (the don’t hit girls meme). (laughs ruefully) Why didn’t I get any of that privilege? ” Daisy, if there was no don’t hit girls meme, a lot more of y’all would get beaten to death, at least initially. Hey wait – you’re Irish. Your not from some backward Mediterranean androcentric culture, you’re one of us. You most definitely knew about this because you saw boys getting beaten half to death by their dads for daring to defend themsleves against girls because hitting girls was a wussy thing to… Read more »
@Daisy: A little less controversial example of a meme, have you heard of the “successful white man” meme? It exists, I can provide links proving its existence if need be. However, I’m sure a great many people have not even heard of the meme, in fact, I suspect that most people have not even heard of the meme. Now, there is a “don’t hit girls meme”, countless people have experienced it. The fact that some people ignore, or have not heard of it does not mean it doesn’t exist. A meme is not some sort of mind controlling mind virus… Read more »
Daisy is doing a bait and switch here. There exist some women who suffer DV, so the “don’t hit girls” meme does not exist for everyone else. She fails to mention that men suffer DV at just as high of a rate and their suffering is completely erased, and that on average men face much higher risks of violence and bodily harm in many more aspects of life than women do… When I was a freshman in college, I was attacked by an ex girlfriend in front of a bunch of witnesses. I had a 100+ degree fever at the… Read more »
Ever since a young boy there has been a “don’t hit girls” meme. This meme is enforced by teachers, peers, and police. YMMV.
There is a Heart Sees on the board sometimes in the Female Identity section. New name, probably her though.
Do you plan to go to the festival? If not, why subject yourself to that? Many of them (like Heart) are seriously… well, words fail.
BTW, Heart started blogging again, did you see? Hoping she will stay off yall’s back this time, but don’t hold your breath.
Her daughter died, and I think it nearly did her in. 🙁 Is she still on the Michfest boards?
MWMF forums, not festival. I have 444 posts over there.
Schala: Daisy lives in her own world where me speaking my experience means saying it applies to everyone When you declare there is a “don’t hit girls meme”–you declare something as a fact. When I challenge you to correct it, you don’t. You reiterate it. You could have written: “There appears to be something like a “don’t hit girls” meme that has benefited me personally” See, the difference? OTOH, when you self-righteously announce (twice!) that WOMEN NEVER GET HIT, that is not ‘speaking your experience’– that is speaking ALL women’s experience. Get a clue. STOP SPEAKING SO CATEGORICALLY about female… Read more »
Schala is busy voting against funding domestic violence shelters and telling battered women they don’t exist. She doesn’t like it when I call her out on her misogynistic little dream world.
Now I remember why I didn’t reply to Daisy.
You mean, the fact that you can’t? True, that. 😉
Daisy lives in her own world where me speaking my experience means saying it applies to everyone, and apparently means something about the goodness and fabulousness (wtf does that even mean???) of myself.
I prefer to talk with walls over at MWMF. At least they’re knowingly condescending because they hate me, not because solely they invent narratives about me out of some daydream about “what Schala must think right now”.
Now I remember why I didn’t reply to Daisy. Back to my scheduled ignoring of her.
Schadrach: The “Don’t hit girls” meme was very much a thing where I grew up, That’s fine, but I sure didn’t grow up with it. Schala assumes we all come from bourgeois cultural backgrounds; we don’t. Bourgeois manners did not apply. Boys pounded on us as kids, and kept right on going as they became adults. Smacking the wife around was pretty common where I grew up. This is what “domestic violence” means–it was something COMMON for many of us. “He hit me and it felt like a kiss” was a Brill building song in 1962. According to Schala, this… Read more »
@Daisy:
As an addendum: I’m from the US, Appalachia to be as exact as I’m willing (yes, I know, that wholly covers one state and partially covers several others, but that’s as precise as I’m willing to be on a comment on a blog that’s publicly available).
@Daisy: The “Don’t hit girls” meme was very much a thing where I grew up, and something that caused me no end of problems in middle school. Largely because of another big cultural meme “Stand up and defend yourself against bullies.” My bully was a black girl. So either I tried to defend myself and get shamed for “don’t hit girls” or I didn’t and got shamed for “beat up by a girl”. On top of, y’know, the actual physical violence. And of course that defending myself would be “starting a racial incident”, but her violence was different. She even… Read more »
Schala: I’d get hit by coworkers, co-schoolers and even people at the youth place who didn’t like how I looked at them or something I said (without it being an insult or taunt).
This has all happened to me as a female. Can you explain? Where’s this meme that is supposed to protect me? Is it just a Canadian meme?
So, we get rid of the battered-women shelters, Schala has declared them all unnecessary! All bullshit! Schala has SPOKEN: Doesn’t happen any more. And it IS because of the “Don’t hit girls” meme. 1) Why didn’t this work, say, on my own brother? Father? Stepfather? Uncle? (I could go on.) 2) If there is a “don’t hit girls” meme, why do we need battered women’s shelters? Isn’t this magic meme you speak of, enough to make them all stop? Or are we all just making it up? 3) The first two are rhetorical, I think what you are really saying… Read more »
@Daisy
I’d get hit by coworkers, co-schoolers and even people at the youth place who didn’t like how I looked at them or something I said (without it being an insult or taunt).
Doesn’t happen any more. And it IS because of the “Don’t hit girls” meme.