Paul Henne wonders how appropriate women’s self-defense classes actually are.
About a year and a half ago, I attended Girls Fight Back, a short seminar during which the presenter discussed the necessity for women’s self-defense and demonstrated some defense moves. While I fully supported this effort before the seminar, the instructor’s support for gratuitous violence turned the experience sour. The instructor encouraged attendees to use household objects—heels, keys, and other trinkets—to mutilate male body parts. She, at one instance, pretended to stab a man in the penis with a pen. I stood in awe as the instructor rallied the room by suggesting that after a woman stabs a male attacker in the eye with her heel, she should jiggle the heel around in the man’s eye socket. Unexpectedly, I watched a room of women cheer for inordinate violence.
After attending this class, I questioned self-defense—something that I thought was necessary for women. I grew unsure of the extent to which violent fighting techniques should be encouraged among potential victims of a sexual crime and of the appropriateness of self-defense as a way to battle sexual violence.
But first, let’s talk about the seminar.
First off, the discussion and defensive moves that the presenter taught reminded me of my fear of flying in planes. I am not afraid of flying because I know someone who has been in a plane crash or because I have been in a frightful situation while flying. I am afraid of flying because, before I fly, I consistently recall news articles about random engine failures, crash landings, or poor take-offs. I also think of movies about terrorist’s threats or random explosions. Final Destination kept me off planes for about a year.
My fear of crashing in a plane resembles some fears about sexual assault in that the media encourages it. Please note that I am hyperbolizing; of course, there are significantly more sexual assaults—about 100 for every 100,000 women—than plane crashes—about 1 in every 14 million or so. Nevertheless, the media and movies constantly depict the nature of sexual assault as frequently committed, random, and repugnantly violent. These crimes, however, are not as random and morbid as ordinarily conceived. Statistics show that sexual crime is not typically violent or random. Instead, a close associate—friend, coworker, or family member—who commits no other crimes in the act, does it.
♦◊♦
In turn, this analogy between these fears concerns me, for it distorts how women react to men. In other words, the ways in which college-age people view the quantity and nature of rape and violent sexual crimes against women and men affect how they battle sexual crimes. Hence, I am also concerned with the necessity and extremely aggressive character of these self-defense classes like Girls Fight Back.
[Please note that I acknowledge the unfortunate abundance of sex crimes against people (specifically women) in the U.S. and that I do not denounce the existence of Girls Fight Back or any woman’s self defense class. I understand that these crimes are common and that people must know how to defend themselves. Even if people only train themselves for precautionary measures, it is (regrettably) a necessary practice. Also, please note that what I argue in the case of women typically applies to men and to all other forms of sexual assault.]
I found the superfluous fear and ferocity conveyed in the Girls Fight Back seminar to be outrageous and crude. The seminar encouraged inordinate fear in young women. Being afraid of sexually forceful males can augment a woman’s awareness and prevent a sex crime. But gratuitous fear is perilous.
That a woman must be afraid or conscious of such crimes, however, is despicable because no person should have to fear rape or sexual assault. Most likely, a man will not break into a house to rape a woman. But it does happen, so I regrettably encourage a moderate level fear. Nonetheless, I do not condone unnecessary fear conveyed in the Girls Fight Back Seminar for the sake of person at risk.
I fear a scared woman who took one of these classes. What if I am lost in the city, and I ask a nearby woman for directions? If she had taken one of those self-defense classes, I worry that she will try to ignore me or repeat the lines, “Stop! I don’t want any trouble!” I also fear that if it is late at night, she may fall to the ground and try kicking me. But I am sure that this won’t happen, for I am not to assume that any woman will act so oddly. I’m just saying that I am as afraid of these women as I am of a man who has taken a defense class or who carries a gun or who is overly aggressive and violent. I’m not saying that all women who took a defense class will act irrationally violent, but these classes do promote violent behavior.
♦◊♦
This fear, however, is not the most dangerous part of these classes; the violent moves taught in the class can have some nasty consequences. For example, the presenter showed the audience how to use a high heel to disassociate the testicles from an attacker’s body and how to use that same heel to stab him in the eye and “jiggle it around” (direct quotation). No one wants to be a victim of a sex crime and in a time of panic, a person will do nearly anything to survive. But should these self-defense classes for woman advocate aggressive and violent behavior towards men? Yes, you want to inhibit your attacker from injuring you in any way, but do you also want to be convicted of a violent crime, or (more personally) would you permanently injure someone who attempts to injure you?
While two wrongs might save your life, do two wrongs make it right when you may have other options? Also, a large number of these forcible rapes occur between people of close association. (Two-thirds of rapists know their victims.) So, would you—reader—use these violent techniques against a purported friend or a family member?
Not only do these classes encourage violence, but also they put the burden of sexual violence on women. Sexual violence, however, is primarily a problem with males being sexually aggressive. The burden, thus, should not be put on women to protect themselves. We, instead, should diminish the sexual aggression of men toward women (and other men) by educating men. We need to put the burden of sexual crimes where it lies—on men
Education should be used to teach men how to be less aggressive. The Sexual Violence Prevention and Education Program of Arizona exemplifies what I mean. The program has educational programs for colleges, high schools, and prisons. And they focus on prescriptive measures for diminishing sexual violence.
Although knowing violent, precautionary methods for saving your own life are necessary under extreme conditions, less violent means for avoiding and preventing rape are more worthy of our time. I strongly encourage anyone who attends these self-defense classes to focus less on violent language and technique. Dismembering the penis or testicles is not necessary.
—Photo MadAdminSkillz/Flickr
About Paul Henne
Vocalyze
I know you’re focused more on the sociologically problematic aspects of that seminar, but there’s also a legally problematic aspect, which is, if the “self-defense” is gratuitously and vengefully violent, the assailant could, ironically, charge her with assault. It’s best to just do what you need to do to incapacitate your attacker and then get out of there than to maim him when he’s down, no matter how much you think he, as a rapist, deserves it.
Also, you seem to draw a lot of conclusions from one seminar. Isn’t it possible this one seminar is not representative of all women’s self-defense classes?
1) True. And well spoken.
2) Yes- you’re correct. I have only been to two seminars, and I draw too much from bad experiences. But the point is not a hasty generalization from one bad experience at a seminar to the conclusion that all self-defense classes are bad. My point is that we should steer away from teaching violence – we should stop putting the burden of sexual violence on women – and we should put the burden on men to ensure that women and men are safe. I think that this can be done through educational programs in high schools, colleges, and prisons. I also do not imply that self-defense is unnecessary or that some people shouldn’t take the classes.
I was also going to mention I have been to and taught personal self defense classes and never heard or taught nor encouraged the type of behavior the OP is talking about. I think it is important to understand though that any good self defense class will teach you to evaluate the situation and to make sure your attacker cannot come after you at least long enough to get someplace safe. Sometimes that does include some pretty drastic sounding disabling moves. And a lot of the point of these classes is getting those if us who may be over socialized against hurting others to be comfortable knowing that if we judge the need to be real we actually could hurt someone, even someone we love, in order to save ourselves from harm. A good class can impart that confidence without turning us into the caricature the OP puts forward of women randomly attaching men for no reason.
While I agree I sounds as if the particular class you attended may have been over the top I think you make a huge mistake likening (many) women’s fear of sexual assault to a fear of flying. Unlike you, who has neither been in a Plane crash nor known anyone who has, almost every woman has either been assaulted or knows someone (and usually more than one someone) who has. So it is trivializing women’s very real fear of sexual assault when you make a comparison to an irrational fear. You also very much ignore the influence of our culture which makes rape such a common place thing to joke about but one which is nearly impossible to prosecute – where women who were raped can be prosecuted themselves by police who thnk she is lying and where even a successful prosecution leads to unbelievably light sentences.
Seriously given all that are you really going to stand by saying our fear is out or proportion to reality?
Also, rape is always a violent crime. Regardless of the amount of force used. When you coerce a person I to allowing you to penetrate her it is no less violent than if you grab her off he street and throw her down. The only difference is the bruises are on the outside. Psychologically the outcome is the same.
I fully applaud you supporting education of men. The best way to prevent rape is to teach men not to rape! Let’s focus on that without having to first trivialize women’s fear or the violence inherent in sexual assault.
You’re right. I certainly do not mean to trivialize this issue. I should have explained this differently.
Thanks Paul. I appreciated your points about most rape not being random “grab her off the street” violence too btw. I would have loved to see you make more about that point as well.
I hope I didnt come across to harshly. It is good to see men thinking about this issue and what they can do to stop it.
Look at other classes. Talk to more women about what level of fear THEY think is appropriate for themselves.
I think all people should have a measure of safety defense, physical strength training and awareness of surroundings. Not because the world is a terribly awful place day to day, but because it’s like insurance. You may never need it, but there isn’t any reason not to have good muscles and reactions you can trust.
Also, yeah, of course we should be teaching our boys and men more about peace and consent and less about violence. The whole country is sodden with violent imagery, it’s no wonder ALL of us are afraid all the time.
Those are different issues and working on one doesn’t mean I shouldn’t know how to deal with the other.
Are we supposed to ask *very very nicely* for our boyfriends and neighbors and friends of friends to not rape us? I mean, where are these maimed men walking around that you’re so concerned about? I agree that self-defense needs to be more complex than just the physical stuff–in fact, I’d say it’s imperative, and it sounds like this workshop fell far, far short of this. But I’ve taken some self-defense class geared toward women and they have addressed other forms of self-defense–paying attention to instincts, learning language that can get you out of a situation, identifying your own personal vulnerabilities. One of the most effective self-defense techniques I ever learned was to learn how to ignore someone no matter what they say to me. Another was to learn how to look someone in the eye and say, loudly, NO. I learned these in self-defense classes and seminars, along with, yeah, the keys and pens and stuff. But any good women’s self-defense class will emphasize that those techniques are only one small part of self-defense. (And in fact, one self-defense class I took suggested NOT doing the keys thing because it isn’t as effective as it seems and can lead to a false sense of security.)
I had to use physical techniques to stop an attack from someone I knew. I used it, and it worked. It was my last line of defense. And I would do it again, and again, and again, and again, and again. And to suggest that maybe I shouldn’t have known the techniques that helped get me out of there isn’t what a good man does.
I don’t suggest that someone shouldn’t know some basic physical defense. I suggest that the classes shouldn’t be violent like the ones that I’ve seen. I defiantly don’t suggest something as radical as you think I have suggested. I simply want less violence and less of the burden of sexual violence on women. Of course, this is a controversial position; it’s not well put, and it’s difficult to swallow. But I do think that it is a position that a good man would take – although it may be a bit too utilitarian for some.
Also please be assured that I’m not trying to tell women what they should or shouldn’t do…
The way you are phrasing it in the article makes it sound, to me at least, is that women shouldn’t have to worry about preparation and that it makes YOU scared to think that you could be attacked by a woman who misinterprets your questions.
Here’s how I see things.
1) There are sociopaths out there. Men and women need to be aware that not everyone is gonna be a nice person.
2) Men should learn how to trust their instincts, take care of themselves and have some kind of “insurance” in case of danger.
2a) Men also should be encouraged to learn empathy, respect a woman’s agency and aim for peace.
3) and 3a) are the same but for women.
It’s got to be for everyone.
Yes– the phrasing is not perfect. But I would be afraid – as I say – of a woman who took a violent defense class. Just the same, I am afraid of a man who takes such classes and carries weapons and the like. The problem is that these defense classes are usually geared towards women. In turn, I think that the somewhat necessary classes should be less violent. I’m for moderate self-defense – but not violence.
And – yes – this theory does apply to everyone. But that’s not how it actually is; there are violent classes aimed solely at women’s self defense. Hence, the burden of men’s sexual violence is on women.
I’m deeply sorry if I offended you. I really didn’t mean to come off as sexist. I should have made myself clearer in the article.
I guess I’m just seeing a straw woman here. I’ve never taken a Girls Fight Back seminar so I can’t speak to what they’re doing, but of the seminars I’ve taken it’s ALWAYS made clear that not only is going for the groin a movie-style stunt that doesn’t get results, the whole point is to *get away*. If a seminar consists of telling women how to stick keys into men’s crotches and calls it self-defense, that’s Not Okay. But by your own admission there was a lot more going on there before that happened, and from looking at Girls Fight Back it’s much more comprehensive than “get ‘em in the balls!” I mean, I just don’t buy that we’re in danger of women becoming too violent, you know? I cannot believe that the particular GFB seminar you were at is at all representative of the self-defense classes and seminars geared toward women. What other seminars have you attended?
I’m not offended, just wrestling. I don’t think it should be a burden on a woman either I guess. I mean rapists shouldn’t rape. But guess what, they do. So until we eliminate the possibility of sociopathy, I think it’s good to know how to defend oneself.
Paul,
I’d have hoped you reported the teacher of that class to the school/sponsor/whatever. Encouraging people who are relatively untrained in physical confrontation to cause harm others is not a good idea. Yes, I get it, a person who attacks another shouldn’t be sympathized with per se, but are we any less if we counter-attack with intent to do serious damage?
I’ve taken 2 self-defence classes. Each time I learned diableing techniques that would cause minimal damage, and allow me to stun/hurt my attacker for long enough to safely escape. Emphasis was always placed on temporarily disabling and not damaging…and of course running to safety and calling attention to yourself once free.
I want to get away, to not be raped/beaten. I don’t want to stay around long enough to beat somebody, anybody, to a bloody pulp.
*disabling
I thank you all for your comments. I was afraid to submit this post, but I learned a lot from doing so. thank-
I’m 49 minutes into a video of the same Girls Fight Back presentation that Paul says he went to & no improvised weapons or hurting someone has been introduced yet. So far she’s talking about why it got started, the need for it in the United States, awareness skills, avoiding being a victim, & internet safety. You can look at it for yourselves at: http://www.girlsfightback.com/keynotes
This article seems remarkably slanted, & I truly don’t understand why.
Now I’m at 1:05 & she’s talking about setting boundaries, de-escalation & verbal skills.
I watched the video. That’s not what I saw. BTW, that’s a great video. Thanks for sharing!
Dear Mr. Henne,
My name is Heather Maggs and I am the Girls Fight Back speaker who presented the program you wrote about which took place at Lake Forest. Much as I responded to your original posting on the college’s newspaper website over a year ago, I would like to respond here. I hope your readers will go to our website http://www.girlsfightback.com where they can watch our program in its entirety and form their own opinions. (And the video is practically word-for-word the same program that was presented at Lake Forest.)
First, I have to ask, did you attend the entire presentation? Girls Fight Back is a 90 minute program and the things you describe take place in the last 15 minutes. Over two-thirds of our program is spent talking about trusting intuition, reducing the risk of violence at home, on the street, in social situations and on the web. Before ever teaching a strike, we explain de-escalation techniques that can be used to defend against a potential attacker without the use of physical force. Each physical technique is presented only as a follow-up to an escalation by the attacker. One of our mottos is, “The best fight is the fight that’s never fought.”
You are correct to say that in our society, an unduly large portion of that burden for “prevention” of sexual assault is placed on women, who are most often the victims of such violent acts. But sticking our heads in the sand and saying “bad things shouldn’t happen, so we shouldn’t be prepared for them” is not the answer. Only more education for both men and women will result in safer campuses and communities.
To suggest that women who attend our seminars or any self defense program would mistake a lost man asking for directions with a violent attacker who means them harm is insulting to the intelligence of the audience. And to advocate that women should be given less information because a very few might use it inappropriately, puts other woman in danger. Imagine that you are confronted by a “sexually forceful” individual, as you put it. If this person got physical with you, how much force would you be willing to use to protect yourself? What if you truly felt your life was in danger? What if this person were a friend, family member or co-worker? Would you simply say to yourself, “Oh, I should let this person do whatever they want to me. It isn’t worth hurting them.” I would hope not…because you, Paul, are worth fighting for.
And that is the core message of Girls Fight Back – that we are all worth protecting, and no one has the right to harm you.
Heather Maggs
First, the insulting line that you and other refer to is not meant to be insulting – although I see how it can be. I am sorry about it. I should have written that differently. The point is that I think the program that I watched was encouraging extreme violence; it seemed to train attendees to use violent maneuvers at any time. I just think that it’s a bad approach. It’s like giving someone a gun to carry around and telling them that anyone might rob them and here are techniques to kill someone and severely injure them. I’m so very sorry for insulting the intelligence of the audience.
Second, I do not denigrate all self-defense. Whenever I say this argument, I get put into a weird utilitarian camp. I just don’t condone the violence that I saw at that seminar and at a Ballistics seminar. I support the effort to teach people how to get away.
Last, I’m sorry for bad press. I shouldn’t have used your organization’s name. I support most of your efforts. Please email me if you would ever like to talk
Rapist can not be talked out of attacking woman.
Sometimes extreme violence is warranted. If the woman percieves a guy is going to drag her off under a bridge and rape & kill her, she is justified in using whatever force and techniques she can to escape – not to punish an attacker, but to end the assault. That being said, most sexual assaults are committed by people the woman knows. So, like Girls Fight Back, our organization at Bold Step also teaches avoiding a bad situation as well as some “less lethal” techniques, knowing a woman may be reluctant to gouge eyes or use other disabling techniques against a classmate, neighbor, or co-worker.
From what I know about the Girls Fight Back program, it is solid. Keep up the good work!
Oh you poor man, it must be awful to walk down the streets having to live in fear of being ignored if you ask a woman for directions.
If only women had to deal with fear on a daily basis they could sympathize with you better.
It’s pretty demeaning how you don’t trust women to have any judgement whatsoever, and pretty classic that you are worried of what women might do if given a little power. Even before I read the response by the presenter I was thinking to myself (as a self defense instructor) that you sound like you only paid attention to one small aspect of the class and then obsessed about it.
As long as your attacks on women are limited to writing articles, you don’t have to worry about getting a high heel in your eye.
p.s. “sexually forceful” makes it sound like you don’t even know what rape is. it’s about power, not sex.
“sex” is something 2 consenting adults do mutually.
“rape” is a violent physical and psychological attack one person inflicts on another.
Do you really think when someone is raped “oh he was just a little sexually forceful, that’s all”???
These people were not having “sex”.
Just saw a video of girls fight back… God does it look like crap! Maybe it might be useful against some really drunken frat boy but if I was going to prison I really wouldn’t trust that move against a someone who has any experience fighting (like people who spend time in prison). Her move looks like a really bastardized version of muay thai! If you are serious about learning self defense take a course in something else like krav maga or invest some time in learning fighting/martial arts/self defense. This looks like a self esteem builder in the worse possible way…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0keC06noZk0&feature=related