I have heard this several times…
“If you want it so badly, then run after it”
Such is the world of dating that we have many “dating gurus” or many people seemingly assuming the position, which makes it hard to know what exactly to do part time.
This makes us confused if we have to chase who the heart wants or not.
Should you be just watching or do everything within your power to go after the person that’s mesmerizing your heart?
This is one of the questions being asked in these modern dating days.
In this article we will be looking at what exactly you need to do, your confusion days are over!
Now, let’s get started.
My Experience About Chasing
During those days when I was always chasing girls. I found it very exhausting and draining mentally.
It’s especially unacceptable because the more you chase the faster the love you want quickly slips out of your hands.
I then realized I was living a meaningless life without any personal goals or ambitions, just girls alone were the trophies for me.
I wasted time, money, energy and resources. That’s not all, I also realized the more I chased girls, the more of myself I lost.
I felt like shit!
I hated myself, even now that I’m redeemed, I still feel terrible about how senselessly I was doing the whole thing back then.
For this reason I’m sticking it out for anyone currently in the position I was then by providing you a way out.
Why You Should NEVER Chase
1.It Makes NO Sense:
It doesn’t really make sense at all to chase love. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should fold your arms hoping love will just magically find you in your hideout, No!
Chasing creates an imbalance in the relationship that the person being chased feels entitled, while the chaser is overworking like a slave.
2. Reduces Your Perceived Value
When you chase, you make the person being chased the “trophy”, and that raises their self worth or perceived value and reduces yours.
It makes you less desirable and if the person being chased isn’t treating you well, your self worth of value will plummet.
3. Chasing Creates Resistance
Since chasing makes you lose value in the eyes of the person being chased, this creates a kind of resistance in the heart of the person, the more you chase the more you will experience resistance and maltreatment.
What To Do Instead
Since you want love and you don’t just want to sit down somewhere waiting for love to find you. Yo should spend reasonable time doing the following instead:
1.Build Your Self Worth
Focus your attention on loving yourself, being yourself and value what you can achieve as a person or your uniqueness as a person.
Have a belief you’re complete without love, having it will only be like an icing on the cake.
2. Focus on Mutual Effort
In relationships, it takes two to tangle. To avoid stressful chasing, it’s important that both of you are making efforts, at least the other party should bulge too, even if it doesn’t mean meeting you halfway, at least he/she should bulge too.
Pursuit of love or relationship shouldn’t be a one-sided thing. Relationships thrive when it’s balanced between both male and female.
3. Practice Patience and Scarcity
You should never allow yourself to be blindly flooded by love and emotions to neglect making yourself scarce.
Scarcity makes people value you more, the less of you they see, the more valuable they see you. Never push for attention rather, be patient to let IG grow naturally.
Once in a while detach yourself from the love you’re pursuing. This is self discipline, it’s not disinterest.
4. Focus on Abundance
The reason most people chase love is because they feel it would be hard to find the type of person they are in love with hence, they need to go all out to get them.
That’s not true!
It’s just that you need a shift in mindset. Instead of thinking you need the person, focus on getting someone that values you instead. Start focusing on someone who needs you, not someone you need.
5. Use the Que Sera Sera Approach
This implies you extend a genuine hand of love to people if they reciprocate it, it’s all good!
And if not, you move on!
This mentality allows you to show interest in people, but don’t overdo it, especially if they don’t reciprocate.
If efforts are not congruent between you and someone you have shown interest in, in any relationship, you don’t have to border, because what will be will surely be.
Closing
There’s no other way chasing love leads to, other than heartbreak and disappointment.
Instead of wasting time trying to chase love, why not use the time to build yourself up to be irresistible instead?.
By focusing on yourself, using the que sera sera approach, focusing on abundance, practising patience and scarcity, you will be able to shift the dynamism of love into your favour.
Remember, it’s wrong and dangerous to pursue love, rather focus on attracting love and be the prize instead of running after a price.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Donald Giannatti on Unsplash
