Why We Have a Hard Time Avoiding Unhealthy, Toxic Relationships

It’s often said that we get the love we believe we deserve.

However, I never really resonated with that. And today I finally realized why.

For a long time, I was used to harshness and a lack of emotional safe space in relationships, and I couldn’t see them for what they were. It took me some time to finally experience healthier versions of relationships, but as soon as I knew what healthy feels like, unhealthy became obvious and a turn-off.

If you are used to eating average food from fast-food restaurants, even if it causes chronic health issues and discomfort, you might consider it normal.

Now imagine that you started to earn more income, and a friend introduces you to higher-end restaurants. You start to eat healthy and delicious food, and not only is the experience very different, but your body also feels better and better after each meal.

After getting used to better quality food, looking at the average junk food would be a turn-off.

I stayed in relationships that lacked emotional safe space, for too long, not because I believed I deserved that, but because I simply didn’t know what the healthier version feels like. Even if something always felt inherently wrong, it used to feel normal to me because that’s what I was used to since childhood.

It was after having experienced better, that emotional safety and care became non-negotiable now.

I was not a masochist as to believe that I deserved all that past suffering. I was just in need of a proper reference for my brain to understand what had been wrong, and what I could actually have instead.

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Mónica Valverde is a daydreamer navigating the experience of human life. She’s in love with Spirituality, Inner Work and Relationships.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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