You Had Sex With My Wife! What? What?

Harley Switzer didn’t like going away with people he didn’t really know, but his friend Jack Levine had convinced him the guys joining them on their annual fishing trip were decent and fun. They were both professionals. Frank was a Lawyer and Teddy was a Doctor and he had known them for years. The other guys booked for the trip, Ronnie, Ed, and Steven were all in agreement that two more guys wouldn’t make that big a difference. They were pleased that more guys would help lower the cost of the trip when it was all figured out and amortized in the end.

Tbe guys flew from the Toronto Island Airport to Sioux Lookout on Bear Skin Airlines and from there they flew in a Cessna Caravan into a remote fishing lodge for four days. There was no cell reception (unless you used the satellite phone) and no internet. It was a trip dedicated to fishing, food, and escape.

The cabin was large enough for six beds and in the middle sat the wood stove. It would help provide heat at night. It was a roughing experience and the guys had been doing it for a few years and got to know one another very well. In fact, when they met at an event in Toronto it always seemed a weird juxtaposition. The new guys Teddy and Frank fit in right away which boded well for a great trip.

Over the next few days the routine was pretty much the same, they were up at six am and on the water at seven. They had a breakfast of fresh eggs and toast, with some guys enjoying freshly made bacon. Harley didn’t eat pork so he stayed away from the bacon. Instead, he indulged in kosher beef fry which he loved.

The way the trip was organized was that the guys would switch partners on the boats every day and reswitch after lunch. It allowed everybody to spend time together.

At twelve thirty the guys would go to an island where a guide prepared a delicious shore lunch of freshly caught fish with fried potatoes and beans.

They drank beer and regaled each other with jokes (some carried over from years past) and it was a fantastic time.

The boats returned to the cabin at around five o’clock and the guys had time to unwind. Some took showers, some just flaked out on their beds, others read books and a game called ‘’The Settlers of Catan.’’ was brought out and set up. The regulars knew how to play it and they taught the two new guys. It was a nice diversion.

Steaks, Chicken Breasts, Veal Chops, Hamburgers & Hot Dogs were brought to the fishing camp to be barbequed every night for dinner. The food was served with fresh salad, corn, potatoes, and tomatoes. Jack Levine the guy who organized the annual trip was the Grill Master and looked after making dinner every night. It was up to the other guys to clean up after dinner was served and eaten. For dessert they devoured bags of chocolate chip cookies.

On the boats in the coolers beside water, beer, and cold drinks there was an abundant supply of chocolate bars and for the health conscious, mandarin oranges.

It was on the last night of the trip that Harley’s life changed. It was a bizarre and shocking situation. The guys were sitting around playing euchre and drinking Jack Daniels when the discussion took a weird turn. Alan had Teddy the Doctor as his partner and they were playing against Frank the Lawyer and Jack.

The conversation was about going away on vacations in the winter months and Jack mentioned that he and his family had a Condo in Aventura, Florida and he would be going back and forth. Teddy sighed ‘’I used to have a beautiful Condo in Surfside, but my ex is fighting me for it. She wants me to pay the taxes, the HOA, and the insurance and not be able to use it. I hate divorce.’’ His friend Frank (the Lawyer) laughed. ‘’Dude, you can still use the Condo it’s going to take another five years to reach a settlement. Being a Divorce lawyer means dragging things out for as long as you can.’’ The guys chuckled but also knew there was truth to what he was saying.

Jack stood up and walked over to the counter where he grabbed another bottle of Jack Daniels. The guys had been downing shots and it didn’t look like the party was going to stop. Harley was amazed at their consumption. He wasn’t a drinker (one or two for a night) and he watched as they threw back shots.

Teddy shook his head ‘’When I married Wendi, I thought she was the real deal. Instead, it was always about trying to be prestigious. She needed designer clothes, a big house, a Mercedes. I couldn’t keep up with her spending and she was average in bed. Yeah, we had a couple of kids, but there was never any excitment. The biggest mistake in my life was letting Alysia Bronstein get away.’’ Harley’s head turned like it was on a swivel. Alysia Bronstein was his wife. Frankie downed a shot. ‘’I remember you telling me about her when you were in Medical school.’’ Teddy matched him, shot for shot. ‘’Yup, she was hot and brilliant. She was only five four but her body didn’t stop. She knew how to look after herself. We moved in together and got the Kama Sutra book and we went through every position every night. I mean that girl could go. We were together for two years and then she decided to walk. She said I was insincere and didn’t want to get serious and at the time she was right. I heard she married a real shmoe. Some guy who works in the animation business producing cartoons. She’s a Specialist. She wanted to be a top Cardiologist and she made it. She was so fucking good in bed, ugh. Why didn’t I hold on tighter. I was thinking of giving her a call. I heard she had a baby with the Shmoe, so I don’t know if she’d consider a rendezvous. I was thinking of sending her a couple of referrals, I know that would get her attention. I really want to see her.’’

Harley felt like he was having an out of body experience, these jerks were talking about his wife. He never knew about the Kama Sutra book. He and Alysia did have great love making sessions, but Alysia was a family woman and it was hard reconciling what Teddy was saying with the woman who was his wife.

Jack was looking over at him and whispered under his voice. ‘’You’re in animation and your wife’s name is Alysia, are they talking about her and you?’’ All Harley did was a slightly perceptible nod, he wanted to hear more. Jack shook his head and responded by taking a drink.

Teddy was getting more agressive in tone. “Anyways, I was just thinking about Alysia and I think it might be too late, but if I don’t try I’ll never know. The kid complicates things, I’m sure I could get her away from her boring husband. Harley cleared his throat. ‘’How do you know he’s boring?’’ Both Teddy and Frank laughed. ‘’Come on, how exciting can he be? He’s working on cartoons! That’s a job for some kid, the guy’s an adult. Plus, I’m a Doctor, she’s a Doctor, we know we get along, so reflex memory will probably kick in. We spent eight hours making love one day. Eight hours, you don’t forget that.’’ Teddy and Frank drank more Jack Daniels and Harley looked at them in disbelief. Jack downed another shot while looking like he wanted to tell them to stop talking but he didn’t.

The Euchre match ended with drunk Jack and Harley winning decisively. It was time to hit the bed as the last day of the trip started early. Both Teddy and Frank wobbled to their mattresses and fell into them. Harley kept thinking that for two grown men who were respected professionals, their actions were very childish. How much of a jerk could that Teddy be to think that Alysia would want to have anything to do with him? Unfortunately, that thought haunted Harley all night long.

The next morning the guys collectively cleaned up the cabin and carried their gear to the dock. It was a glorious day and they watched from the water’s edge as the Cessna made a long and graceful decent. It didn’t take long for the gear to be stowed and everyone took their seats. Harley didn’t like it but he sat beside Teddy.

The plane took off and the chatter in the cabin was filled with how fantastic the trip was, Harley wished he felt the same way. Listening to Teddy talk about his wife was a tremendous downer.

When they arrived in Sioux Lookout they were met by a pre-arranged pickup truck which took them and their fishing equipment and travel bags to the tiny airport.

The guys all sat together and the camraderie was as strong as ever and Harley tried to keep a smile pasted on his face, but it was difficult. He couldn’t wait to get away from Teddy and Frank and if he never saw them again, it would be okay.

The prop plane boarded and two hours later it landed at Toronto Island Airport. The guys collected their baggage and said goodbye to each other.

Many of the wives were waiting at the terminal for them, including Alysia and Philip, Harley’s wife and son. When Harley walked out with his gear, Teddy was right behind him and when he saw Alysia he stopped in his tracks. A weird look crossed his face. ‘’Alysia, is that you? Incredible, I was thinking about you. I’m so happy to see you? Why are you here? Are you going somewhere?’’ Alysia looked from Teddy to Harley and her face seemed to cringe. ‘’I’m here to get my husband, he just got back from a fishing trip. Teddy, this is Harley.’’ Teddy’s face went red. ‘’Harley is your husband, I uh didn’t know. We were on the same trip. Harley you didn’t say anything about Alysia being your wife.’’ Harley thought of a million responses. ‘’I enjoyed listening to how much you respected my wife, I didn’t need to say anything.’’

Alysia looked like she was uncomfortable and ready to get moving. ‘’Honey, we have to go, I parked down the street and I don’t want to get a ticket. Nice to see you Teddy.’’ She turned and walked away pushing the stroller with Philip in it. Harley nodded at Teddy and followed behind.

When they reached the car, Alysia was shaking her head after putting Philip in the baby seat. ‘’Poor you, having to be on a trip with Teddy Glazier. I dated him for a while and I still don’t know what I was thinking. Teddy was the ultimate ‘’I’’ guy. Everything was always about him. He was the most self centred person I ever met. It’s one of the reasons I fell madly deeply in love with you. I am grateful every day that you’re my husband.’’ They had a quick kiss and Harley got in the driver’s seat. As they started heading home, Harley had to tell her what he was thinking. ‘’When Teddy didn’t know I was your husband, he talked about you and him and intimacy. He said you did the entire book of Kama Sutra together.’’ Alysia laughed in response. ‘’Well, we did have sex, but let me share something with you, and then I Never want to talk about it again, it makes me feel gross. I did have sex with Teddy and we did look at the Kama Sutra, It was like going to the gym for a workout. I have never had sex with you, I have making love. I promise you making love to you once, was worth all the time I wasted with Teddy. I Love you Harley and I want to consign the past to the past, because we are all about now and the future.’’

Harley looked over at his wife and felt contentment. ‘’Teddy told his friend he was going to send you referrals, so you’ll pay attention to him.’’ Alysia laughed ‘’I hope he sends tons. We can use the money. We need to look at buying a new house. I have some news. I was going to tell you tonight over dinner, I’m pregnant with our second child. Harley felt a sense of happiness that he couldn’t contain.

As he drove home there was no thoughts of Teddy. In the end Alysia had chosen him and they were building a beautiful family together. The fishing trip had been nice, but he was thinking that next year he would go away with Alysia, Philip, and their new baby to somewhere fun and exciting. It would be a much more enjoyable experience. In a few years if he missed the roughing experience he would go back to the fishing trip, but for the immediate future, he was going to hang up his rod and hang with the people he loved.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.