On The Joe Rogan Experience, Academy Award Winner, Writer, Actor Matt Damon and Academy Award Winner, Writer, Actor, Director Ben Affleck discussed with Host Joe Rogan the perfunctory and superfluous nature of participating in press junkets to promote their films, like The Rip (2026).
Ben Affleck said, “One of the benefits of getting older and doing this for a long time is you realize that nobody really gives a shit about you as much as you thought. Fuck. Nobody remembers.”
Matt Damon said, “You spend your 20’s and 30’s thinking this is really important, but you realize that no one fucking cares. No one cares. It’s not a big deal.”
In Aikido, I didn’t hold my position under the bokuto (wooden sword) attack, because I was afraid. Ishibashi Sensei said, “Nobody cares that you’re scared.”
All truth. The older I get, I get it, too. No one really cares that I’m scared. My body is afraid, still my mind makes me enter what I fear, still makes me get under the attack. That’s the safest place to be. I hold my position. Make my timing. I open up. I let go my fear inside that I can’t, that I’m not good enough. That’s on me.
Like Ben and Matt, I profoundly get that nobody really gives a shit as much as I think they do. They’re dealing with their own shit. Like I deal with mine. We’re the same. In the bigger picture, we can all have compassion, too.
O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” I’m my greatest opponent, my greatest enemy. It’s me against me. I overcome myself. I’m the only one, who can. I don’t overcome others. Again, they have to overcome themselves, too.
Ishibashi Sensei said, “The purpose of Aikido is to release your fear.” When the bigger stronger man attacks, I wait it out. I enter the attack, enter what I fear. I take a glancing blow if I have to. I’m not always going to get away scot-free. It’s one time. I hold my position under the attack, in what I fear. I apply the Aikido technique to myself, not to the attacker. I open up. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. I free myself. I do what has to be done. No one else really cares. That’s all on me.
Whatever scares me, whatever is meaningful to me, that’s all on me. I’m responsible for how it goes. I’m responsible for making it work. That’s my lesson of humility. I have nothing to do with goes on inside others, and they have nothing to do with goes on inside me. I determine what goes on inside me. They determine what goes on inside themselves, too.
What’s present, although left unsaid in Ben’s epiphany: We give a shit about others. Nobody really gives a shit about me. Still, I give a shit about them. I care. I have kindness. I have compassion. I have respect. That makes a difference.
Over 20 years ago, my chiropractor, spiritual mentor Victor Shibata suggested that I write a letter to Dad to thank him. I said, “Are you fucking kidding?” Victor was well aware of the child abuse and trauma I endured. That was beside the point. Victor taught me to have grace and forgiveness.
So, I wrote my letter to Dad thanking him for providing for the family and sending me to school. That allowed me to become the Systems Engineer and Aikido Instructor, become the man I was. That was because of Dad. I was grateful.
Every summer for 17 years, Dad and I went fishing for a week in Kenai, Alaska. Dad passed away several years after that. On one of our fishing trips, I gave Dad my letter. He read the letter. We never spoke about it. Dad kept that letter until the day he died. It meant something to him.
As the scared little boy, I thought Dad didn’t give a shit about me. Still, I gave a shit. Dad was my Dad. He wasn’t going to change. I had to change. I loved Dad for who he was and for who he wasn’t. He passed away about 10 years ago. In my heart, I believe Dad is finally at peace. He deserves that. We all do. I loved Dad.
I’ll be 64 years old. I get that nobody really gives a shit about me. I’m okay with that. That’s actually the good news, not bad. I work on myself, not on others. That’s all I can do. Although people really don’t give a shit about me, I give a shit about them. Because that matters. I’m kind. I’m compassionate. I honor people for the possibility of who they can become. We raise each other up and make the world is a better place. We can give a shit.
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Photo by Maksym Kaharlytskyi on Unsplash
