When Kindness Starts to Vanish

Breakups are terrible, but do you know what tends to be worse than the actual breakup? That span of time where you lose respect for your partner. It’s awful. You slowly start to see the things that made your relationship great vanish, one by one.

Respect is the glue that holds relationships together, more often than not. If you notice these things in your relationship, chances are the respect in your marriage is slowly fading. It might be time to break things off or head into therapy.

These are 4 subtle signs respect is fading in a relationship

1. Forgetting major days or not being there when you need them

It’s your birthday! Is your partner ready with a gift in hand? It’s your anniversary! Did your partner mark it off on the calendar or book a fancy-schmancy restaurant? Or, did they end up forgetting everything and ask for your forgiveness?

Forgetting major days of yours or having a certain level of absenteeism can happen from time to time. It’s worth pointing out that some people are just forgetful, especially our partners. With that said, it’s all about how often you remind your partner or ask them. If they turn it into a regular disappointment, it’s a sign they don’t actually respect your time or needs.

2. Treating one or the other like a servant

This is a pretty obvious sign of disrespect, but it happens so frequently that it warrants discussion. People who respect you are grateful for all the little things you do, including things like doing the dishes, paying for dinner, or even driving you somewhere nearby.

Even if you are the type of person who likes to do things for your partner, it’s not respectful to treat you as a servant. If you notice your partner barking orders, it’s time to stop giving them good treatment. In no way does expecting you to act like a servant suggest that they respect you.

3. A lack of appreciation

People have become acutely aware of the power of gratitude in recent years. Gratitude has been scientifically proven to boost mood, encourage better well-being, and strengthen connections. Respect walks hand in hand with gratitude.

A simple show of gratitude, a “thank you,” or even just a smile and nod can mean so much these days. It costs nothing to show gratitude. If your partner can’t even afford some gratitude, it’s likely that they stopped respecting you.

4. Feeling like you have to demand respect

In toxic relationships, one partner often feels like they have to bluntly tell their partner to be respectful. At times, it might even feel like you have to teach your partner basic manners, common decency, or general adult behavior.

Here’s a hint: adults know how to behave. They know. They are just refusing to do so. Trying to fix things like this is often a sign that you’ve lost your self-respect, so it might be time to rethink your relationship. Trust me when I say that there are people who get it.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.