Welcome to the grey zone.
You may find your hall pass is a little too ENM (ethical non-monogamy) for affairs as most cheaters seem to want mutual skin in the game. And you’ll likely find you are not quite ENM enough for Feeld and the like, where most want you to be in fully open marriages.
And yours is a hall pass.
Affair lite.
It’s an adultery conundrum.
Damned if you, and damned if you don’t.
i.e., your hall pass won’t really be believed
Ah, the bitter irony of being given free rein to fuck and not being able to say it. Life is indeed cruel, lol.
As you’ve guessed, you’re probably way too married for single dating in bars, etc., where few will really believe that you aren’t just a cheating creep. You definitely can’t ever let on that you are exercising this hall pass, because your wife almost certainly doesn’t really want you to (but you will get it on no matter what).
So just treat your “hall pass” as any ordinary affair, and look for those in the normal affair hunting places (Reddit, Ashley Madison, and wherever you can find someone willing). It’s not much of a USP (unique selling proposition), so I’d just keep it to yourself. The only real advantage to a potential partner is that you probably don’t face quite the same D-Day consequences if you get caught using it. But don’t let slip that you’re using your pass because there will still be reckoning (just not the biblical kind).
Your guilt levels may or may not be the same, depending on how willingly your wife bestows her extramarital fucking blessing. And the real question of whether you think she will change her mind in a few weeks/months/years when this conversation has been forgotten, and she’s feeling less vulnerable, or her libido returns, or whatever.
You will have to lie at some point about what you are doing.
Get used to it.
“I didn’t really mean that!” she’ll scream. “I can’t believe you took advantage of it!”
Abort. Abort. Abort.
Do not ever tell the truth.
“Have you, ah, ever taken me up on that hall pass?” she’ll ask.
“No, babe, I couldn’t do that to you,” is the correct answer, now and forever.
Things won’t ever quite be the same between you. The price of this pass is that you really need to be a model husband in all other respects.
Why be a model husband?
To keep her off your trail of deceit, motherfucker. It’s OPSEC, 101. Be so nice, it hurts. Don’t make her even think your mind and dick are in the gutter.
This is the only way to avoid the hidden cost of the hall pass.
It’s not quite cheating, but damn close. And your wife ain’t counting those fine lines in the sand. Blood (mostly yours I will assure you) shall be spilled on the shores of your deceit.
So take this dude’s advice:
This guy on r/adultery wrote, “I have a hall pass, but it doesn’t make anything materially any easier. I’d think long and hard about whether it’s something you actually want to use. Then put it in your pocket and keep mum.”
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Samarth Kulkarni on Unsplash
