Actor Tom Hiddleston said a very wise man told him, “The only meaning in life is to reside as a good object in the minds of others.”
I really don’t know that I reside as a good object in the minds of others. Although I hope so. I have nothing to with what goes on inside someone else. I have a say in what goes on inside me. I work on myself, not on others. I’m of service to others and try to make a difference. I train to be a good man.
Many people reside as good objects in my mind, like my late Mom, the late Mizukami Sensei, Ishibashi Sensei, Lance Miller, and numerous others. I don’t make the journey all by myself. I’m the greater man, the better person because of the good objects in my mind, and in my heart.
I work with my therapist Lance Miller to heal my childhood trauma and depression. We discussed the good objects that reside inside us. Lance said much of his work revolves around helping people deal with the bad object in their minds. That goes for me, too.
In the Yin and Yang universe, there are good objects and bad objects inside us. Much like there is good and bad inside us, too. In my experience, they both exist in us. There is always good and bad, good and evil in me. I have to find the balance. I resolve the hold they have over me.
I’ve trained in Aikido for over 35 years, for well over half my life. Aikido is my life. Aikido gives me my path. In The Art of Peace, Aikido Founder O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “Those who are possessed by nothing possesses everything.” That’s how one becomes one with the universe, one with themselves. That’s Aikido. That is the training.
Good objects and bad objects reside in my mind. That’s just the human design. What it is to be human. I’m good with the good objects. What do I do with the bad objects?
When I was 8 years old, Dad scared me to my soul. Whatever I did or didn’t do made Dad so angry with me. I never knew which. I only knew I was his greatest disappointment in life. I would never be good enough for Dad. I would never be good enough for anyone, especially me. I spent much of my adult life proving that I was good enough, that I was good enough for Dad to love me. Yet, being more of anything would never be enough. Again, that’s just the human design.
My traumatic childhood and my fear that I’m not good enough are my bad objects. What can I do about them? Rather what is possible?
Lady MacBeth said, “What’s done, cannot be undone.” The past is the past. I can’t change the past. The bad objects are from the past. Much like the good objects. Good and bad. Yin and Yang. I find the balance.
In O-Sensei’s wisdom, “Those who are possessed by nothing possess everything.” I let go of my bad objects. I let go of my fear inside that I’m not good enough. I’m the only one, who can do that.
In Aikido, the safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger. When the bigger stronger man attacks me, I wait it out. I enter the attack. I take a glancing blow if I have to. I’m not always going to get away scot-free. It’s one time.
I hold my position under the attack, in the danger. I make my timing. I apply the Aikido technique to myself, not to the attacker. O-Sensei said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” It’s only me against me. I’m my greatest opponent, my greatest enemy.
In the danger, I open up. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. My fear of Dad when I was a little boy. Although my fear inside me never completely disappears, every time I enter what I fear, I let go more of my fear inside. I let go my hold of the bad objects. I free myself. I’m possessed by nothing.
In therapy with Lance, I look at my fear of Dad when I was 8 years old, now perhaps with the wisdom and compassion of the 64-year-old. I forgive Dad for not knowing how to be a father and for being afraid inside. Dad only did to me, what his Dad had done to him. He also got it far worse from his Dad. Dad just didn’t know any better. He was scared.
I forgive Dad for being imperfectly human. I forgive myself for not being strong enough to protect Mom and for being imperfectly human, too. I let go my hold of the bad objects. Letting go is the hardest lesson, I’ve learned in life. I practice that over, and over, and over, again. Practice makes the unnatural natural. Just train.
We all have good objects and bad objects that reside in our minds, in our hearts. That’s just the human design. Maybe, the goal isn’t holding on to either, because both are from the past. Yes, good objects are good. Let them be. Yeah, bad objects are bad. Let them go.
We live in the present. The present is all that we have. Create your new objects. The good ones and the bad ones. Life is in the Yin and Yang, in the balance. Things have a way of working out, too.
—
Photo: iStock
