On Complex, Actor Matt Damon shared relationship advice with his friend and co-star on The Odessey, Actor Tom Holland. Matt said that “a guy” told him, “I decided a long time ago. I would rather be happy than right.”
Over the years, I’ve learned too, that I give up being right whether in a relationship or just in life. I could go to my grave being right. I don’t get a prize for being right. In fact, I might have had a miserable life.
Many years ago, I took a transformational education course. My Course Leader was the late great Jerome Downes. Jerome said that the greatest way for children to get back at their parents is to have an unhappy life. All parents want their children to be happy, have a happy life.
Now really think about that. Hypothetically, I could hate my parents so much that I have an unhappy life, just to get back at them, out of spite. I will be unhappy, so that I can be right, and make them wrong. So, I have my unhappy life, because I want to be right. Really, who’s the fucking loser? Fortunately, I chose another path.
When I was a kid, Dad scared me to my soul. My late Mom profoundly got that. When I feared inside, felt that tightness in my chest, Mom said, “Jonny, slow down.” She reminded me to breathe, to calm my soul. That things have a way of working out. Mom loved me. She only wanted me to be happy. I got that. I loved her, too.
That along with Aikido training with the late Mizukami Sensei and Ishibashi Sensei, with therapy with Lance Miller, with what Jerome Downes taught, I could start giving up being right that I’m not good enough. That I’m okay. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I work on being the best man, the best person that I can be. I’m open to the possibility of being happy. I know I have to work on that. Just train.
Mom spent her final years in a seniors’ retirement home. When I visited Mom, she would be in her favorite sweater, sitting in her wheelchair. She saw me. Smiled and waved. I saw her and waved back. I smiled, too. I loved Mom. I loved that in some way, I made her happy. She always made me happy inside. She was Mom.
Right before she passed away, I told Mom that I was seeing a woman, Natasha. I said that I liked her a lot. Mom knew my story was that I wasn’t good enough for a woman. Mom was so very happy for me. That made me so happy, too.
Turned out that the relationship didn’t work out. Mom passed away before I could tell her. Still, I remember the happiness that gave Mom. That happiness still inspires me to fall madly and deeply in love with a woman, who will love me the same way. I give up being right that I’m not good enough. Who knows lightning could strike.
We all have to work on our own happiness. No one else can do that. In life, happiness flows in and out, like the tides. Mom reminds me that I stay open to happiness, that I give up being right that life sucks. After all, I could be right about that, but what does that get me? Just asking.
Be happy, not right. Have a happy life. That’s from Mom and me.
