When a marriage comes under prolonged financial and occupational pressure, even manageable difficulties can gradually overwhelm the relationship itself. Couples may become so preoccupied with solving problems that they lose the pleasure and emotional security they once found in being together. One partner may begin avoiding time together, while the other feels the relationship slipping away, even though the love remains.
If the relationship is essentially a good one, much of the stress may be coming from outside it. The two of you may spend so much time beating your heads against this outside wall that there is no sweetness left in being together. The problems persist, and the relationship begins to suffer under their weight.
Consider breaking this big mess down into two distinct problems: finances, careers, and other practical difficulties on the one hand, and the relationship itself on the other. What you may actually long for is a return to the emotional comfort and security you once had with each other, but that longing has been overshadowed by the urgent desire to fix everything.
Try sitting together and making a list of all the subjects that cause frustration. Then make a separate list of all the things you enjoy doing together. If finances are a problem, include plenty of free activities on your fun list: walks in the park, sports for which you already have the equipment, time with the children, and so forth.
Use the lists to separate quality fun time from quality strategy time. During fun time, agree to stay completely away from problem topics—absolutely no mention by either of you. Only during strategy time do you work on the frustrating subjects.
Decide for yourselves what proportion of your time together to spend on each. Assuming, like many couples, that you do not have much time together, I would suggest something like 15 percent strategy and 85 percent fun. The joy you experience together can stoke the fires of love and restore a sense of mutual support. Then the creativity that used to be there may return, allowing you to accomplish more with less time spent struggling over problems.
As a team, you may again discover the strength of the whole that is more than the sum of its parts. From that renewed foundation, you can begin making progress against the difficulties that once divided you.
FAQs – About The Good Men Project
What is The Good Men Project?
The Good Men Project is a mission-driven media platform founded in 2010 that explores modern masculinity, men’s mental health, relationships, fatherhood, identity, and social change through personal stories, expert insights, and cultural analysis.
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Our mission is to expand the conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century — in ways that are inclusive, emotionally honest, and grounded in real human experience.
Why does The Good Men Project focus on masculinity?
Because masculinity shapes how men show up in relationships, families, workplaces, and communities. Examining it thoughtfully helps reduce harm, challenge stereotypes, and create healthier outcomes for everyone.
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Yes. GMP is committed to inclusive, progressive perspectives that challenge sexism, racism, homophobia, and narrow gender roles. We believe expanding masculinity benefits people of all genders.
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The Good Men Project was founded in 2010 and has published continuously for over 15 years, making it one of the longest-running platforms dedicated to modern masculinity and men’s issues.
