What to Do When You Are in a Low Mood (and Why It Works)

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To break out of a cycle of self-pity, you need to do something. If you don’t, you will get the same results.

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I mean, like depressingly low.

The problem with that feeling is that usually it’s irrational. You can’t analyze it intellectually or tell it to go away. It doesn’t work. Arguments don’t work against insensible essence. The second problem is that you don’t want to do anything at all. You prefer to just lie and watch mindless TV programs or sleep. Even the most common effort like brushing your teeth or making your bed seems like an overwhelmingly impossible quest.

But to break out of this cycle of self-pity, you need to do something. If you don’t, you will get the same results.

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Journal

Write down your feelings. Try to target their source. Play with them. Write “what-if” scenarios. For example, if you feel sad because you had a fight with your wife, try writing how would you have felt if it didn’t happen. Write why it happened. Write how you could try to fix your relationship. Write, write, write.

Why does it work?

Usually, the reasons you feel low are simply dumb. But you can realize that only after writing them down. Articulating your thoughts gives you clarity and puts your depression in the right perspective. When you keep everything in your head, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Your poisonous thoughts look less sharp on paper. Usually, they remind a silly chant of your inner boy.

Even if your reasons are solid (like “I’m destroying every relationship, because I’m a selfish jerk”), rotating your whining in your head over and over again won’t improve the situation a bit. If you see on paper this truth, it feels more manageable. It’s the first step to changing your attitude into: “And what I can do about it?”

Pray

When you feel low, you have a tendency to blame others for your situation. I can’t count the instances when I was remorseful toward God for the things “that happened to me.” But blaming God for your mistakes has a short life. You realize quite fast that your life is not His fault. It’s His gift. If you give Him power over your life, you have to do to the fullest. If he punishes you, there must be a reason. If He teaches you, there must be a lesson. If He tests you, there must be an experience.

Why does it work?

It breaks the cycle of self-pity because it draws you into the dialog. Your mood stops to be just your thing. There is the dialog, and there is thinking about other person, too. You stop focusing solely on your misery and reach with your imagination and consideration beyond yourself. Again, you get the proper perspective. You realize that if you received good from your Creator, you should also accept the ‘bad.’

Gratitude Journal

Take a pen and notepad and write what you are grateful for. Add a verbose explanation why you are grateful for that. And don’t sell me that there is absolutely nothing you can be grateful for. That’s utter hogwash. My friend lost her boyfriend in a car accident. It was sudden and devastating. But she kept writing her gratitude journal nonetheless. If she could find reasons to be grateful in such circumstances, you can surely find a reason (or five dozen of them) in yours.

Why does it work?

Your brain can only think one thought at a time. And it’s a gigantic search engine. If you order it to search for positives, it will. And while thinking about and seeking for some reasons for gratitude, it won’t be able to repeat poisonous messages and prompt you with reasons for feeling low.

Do Something for Others

Find someone who has a problem and help this person. It doesn’t have to be grand. Your strength and willpower in the state of depression is so meager that it would better not be grand! But even the tiniest activity like helping your kid with homework or washing the dishes, so your spouse wouldn’t have had to, are enough. Whatever takes you out of stupor is good. However, make sure that you do this thing with the other person. Don’t just wash the dishes when your spouse is at work, so she or he will be relieved when they come back. Doing anything is better than nothing, but you will be still with your thoughts alone. Help others face to face, be with someone.

Why does it work?

Helping others has a twofold advantage. Firstly, you get involved in some activity, and it’s more beneficial than being left at the mercy of your idle thoughts. Secondly, it redirects your mind from your internal state of suffering to the other person’s problem. You don’t think only about yourself anymore.

Think of Others Who Have it Worse

Maybe you were abused, but at least, you have food in the fridge and a roof over your head. Heck, you have a fridge! There are so many men out there who live in poverty, who aren’t sure what they will eat tomorrow, AND they get abused. Would you switch places with them?

There is always, always a man who has had it worse than you and overcame his struggle anyway. My job is a heavy stressful burden. It draws me away from my family; it eats my time (my life) like no other thing in the universe. It’s tough to commute four hours a day and sit behind the desk doing things that are of lesser importance than my relatives. But this is just first-world whining. Millions of folks in India, China or Africa are working as hard as me or much, much harder, and their compensation is a fraction of what I get. Among these millions, are millions who work cheerfully and steadily despite their struggles, who never lose faith or hope. If they can do it, I have no justification to feel sorry for myself.

Why does it work?

Again, it distracts your mind from dwelling on your situation. The sober realization that people who have it much worse than you and don’t give up or lose hope diminishes your concerns.

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Yes, the above methods are simplistic. That’s their advantage. When you are depressed, you don’t have much willpower to commit. Another advantage is that apart from #4, they need zero external support. They are freely available for any man.

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