Six Things a Breadwinner Needs to do Before a Divorce

Are you prepared to consider child custody and opening your own bank account?

Divorce. It’s an ugly word that no one wants to think about, but sometimes, it’s truly the best option. Of course you didn’t go into your marriage thinking that it would end in divorce, which means you may be very unprepared when you realize that leaving your spouse is the best thing for you mentally, physically, and emotionally. But as the breadwinner, you may also have some concerns about your financial situation. Is your wife going to leave you penniless? If you have children, how will custody work out? Here are six things you need to do as the breadwinner before you file for divorce.

1. Get your Financial Documents Together

Unless you have children, your divorce is really going to be focused on two things: money and property. Unless the two of you are separating on really good terms, you’re going to have a lot of discussions on who gets what and how much financial support you’ll be paying. If your soon-to-be-ex is really upset with you, those discussions are going to be very long, exhausting, and nasty. That’s why you need to go into them as prepared as you can possibly be, and that means having every bit of documentation you can.

Many states require both parties to completely and fully disclose their financial status. This means providing information on every checking and savings account you have, your stocks and bonds, any real estate you own, your income, and more. Chances are, you and your wife don’t have separate copies of all of this paperwork. Why would you each have a copy of your mortgage or your auto loan? If you separate and you’re the one who moves out, you may lose access to all of this information. It’s best to make copies of every financial document before you broach the subject of divorce.

Here are some of the documents you’ll need to copy (note that year here means the past 12 months):

• The past three years of your income tax returns (both federal and state).
• A year’s worth of pay stubs.
• Your most recent W2, 1099, or other paperwork if you didn’t file a tax return.
• Any loan applications you’ve made in the past year.
• Any deeds to property.
• Any leases made within the past year.
• Three years of bank statements, savings accounts, and copies of checks.
• The most recent years’ worth of statements from brokerage accounts, IRAs, and retirement funds.
• Your life insurance policy.
• Your insurance cards (health and dental).
• The past three years of any business tax returns (including trusts).
• Three years’ worth of credit card statements.
• Any documents related to paying alimony or child support.
• Any documents that indicate a claim of a non-marital asset.

If you go into court with these documents ready, you’ll be ready to go and may make your divorce move more quickly (and cheaply since you won’t be paying a lawyer while you gather documents).

2. Open your Own Bank Account

If you and your spouse have a joint account, it’s time for you to get your own and begin depositing your income there. While there may be nothing to indicate that your spouse is going to try to take your money, it’s always better to be safe than sorry. Change your direct deposit information or start depositing your paycheck and other funds into your new account. If you know you will need to pay things like your mortgage or auto loan within a few days, you can always put money back into the joint account to cover those bills until you switch everything over to your new account.

3. Secure your Credit Cards

If you have a credit card that you hold individually and was not a joint-applied-for card, you may have requested a second card for your spouse. This often happens if one person has much better credit than the other or if one person had a credit card prior to the marriage. Again, remove any temptation your spouse might have to damage your credit by cancelling the second card.

Two things to note here: you probably shouldn’t try cancelling her card if the two of you applied jointly, and you may want to apply a spending limit instead of canceling the card completely. This way, your spouse can still make payments for groceries and other household expenses as needed. Cutting your spouse off completely can make the divorce proceedings become much more unpleasant.

4. Prepare yourself Financially

Making the leap to separate and eventually dissolve your marriage is mentally and emotionally draining, but it’s also going to be financially draining, too. In addition to paying your divorce lawyer and everything that goes into finalizing the paperwork, if you’re the one leaving the home, you’re also going to have to pay for a new place to live. This usually means renting an apartment, and that means paying a deposit and usually the first and last month’s rent. That can be pricy. You might also need to buy furniture and some appliances. Don’t forget that you’re still legally responsible for any mortgage or lease for your first home, too—just because you no longer live there doesn’t mean you get to walk away from those payments.

5. Protect your Online Accounts

Simply put, you need to change all of your online passwords, especially those to your bank account and credit cards. Your spouse knows all of your important information such as your birthdate, your mother’s maiden name, and, most likely, even your social security number. It’s possible she even knows some of your passwords, especially if you shared accounts. Because she has all of the personal information above, she may be able to reset passwords herself, so you might even need to change the username and the email associated with the account. How far you need to go depends on how vindictive you believe your spouse is going to be. If you have any doubt at all, spend the time to change everything.

6. Revise your Will and other Documents

Chances are, your wife is named on your life insurance, in your will, and on a number of other legal documents. You will want to revise these documents as soon as possible. If you haven’t changed your estate and something happens to you, she will receive everything even if you are divorced. Or if you’ve reach a settlement and are eyeing transfer of ownership from your spouse after you get the divorce, consider property grant deeds if you intend to provide only a limited warranty of title. In fact, if you’re in a serious accident or have a major medical emergency and haven’t changed things like power of attorney, it’s possible your ex will even have say over your medical treatment. This is one of the most important things to discuss with your lawyer and to get changed as soon as you can, even before the divorce is finalized.

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